Last year, J and I watched a movie called Chloe— it was a psychological thriller starring Liam Neeson and Julianne Moore as a couple/family who becomes entangled with a prostitute, in part bc the husband and wife fell into a routine and lost their connection. Somewhere in the film, the husband (who traveled for work) asks the wife, “When did we stop picking each other up from the airport?”

Having gone to couples therapy many years ago, I remember being in that period of disconnection. During that time, J was entrenched in the work of a startup, while I was at a government job that gave me the best work-life balance ever. But we were like two ships passing in the night. I think about how now, with him being retired and me being an agent, our roles have reversed. As my own workaholic tendencies have resurfaced, I catch myself in moments where the day-to-day suddenly feels very routine and automatic.

That line in the movie resonates with me, though bc it’s a reminder that gestures are important. That’s not to say I’ll take J to the airport at 4am or in the middle of rush hour, but if it’s relatively feasible, I do try my best to take him or pick him up. After many days apart, I like to think he’ll appreciate seeing me again soon after he lands.

It’s not an explicit bid for attention, but I think gestures/instances where one partner anticipates the needs of another are important. I try to notice and appreciate when someone shows some forethought and exercises consideration. For us, these actions really have been foundational to our longevity. Speaking of which, we are coming up on 28 years together. It hasn’t all been smooth sailing, but I feel very lucky and fortunate.