Monthly Archives: November 2023

Unrecognizable

Omg the Taiwanese are so obsessed with weight. Every time I go back, everyone’s all up in each other’s bidness about who got fat and who got skinny. And no, they don’t use any euphemisms. Everything is straight up radical honesty.

In recent zooms before the trip, my dad keep asking me if I had put on some pounds. I said I didn’t think so, and he was like are you sure?? Fucking Chinese. So uncouth about their topics of conversation.

Yeah, so during this trip, my family asked me how much I weigh. It was so foreign to them that I don’t weigh myself and do not know my number. As soon as I said that, my aunt busted out the scale. Yes, like they have a scale in every room of the house. I’m telling you. East meets west and then things crash and burn. I’ve gained maybe five pounds. To me, that is nbd.

Last year when my grandma died, my cousin AH went to stay overnight at another cousin’s (WQ) house. He and his parents told me later: OMG she got so fat. Her butt and legs… they exclaimed: she used to be one of our skinniest cousins!!! I’m thinking, yeah, of course she was, like when we were in our fucking 20s. The standards for women here are so ridiculous.

AH proceeds to say WQ’s face got so pudgy that it completely altered her face shape. She was practically unrecognizable. Yup, those were the exact words. In Chinese of course. Still. So damn dramatic.

I see her year after year. And she looked the damn same. John agreed. I called them out on it, and then they doubled down, saying she even admitted her clothes stopped fitting her!! As if that immediately meant she gained so much weight so as to become unrecognizable. Ridic.

I mean, depending on how tight a person wears her clothes, you can literally gain a measly 3-5 pounds and your clothes won’t fit. Calm the hell down people. Seriously.

Longevity Trumps All

When I went back to Taiwan this year, my father demonstrated a renewed sense of interest in self care. After his two bouts of sickness/sepsis last year, he now has kidney disease and is obsessed with doing what he can to avoid dialysis.

It’s nice to see a focus now on diet and exercise also with the intention of keeping his diabetes in check, but I realized that this bizarre obsession is more about on longevity than anything even remotely related to enjoyment or quality of life. My paternal grandfather was rather similar in his sort of militaristic routine regarding his diet and exercise: he did his calisthenics, it was more about the number of reps than about being outside to enjoy the sunshine and fresh air. Maybe it’s all moot anyway… so long as the activities are done, there will be benefits one way or the other.

My father insists that due to his kidney disease, he can no longer get vaccines and boosters, so he feels especially vulnerable. For most people, I find they take precautions to minimize risk but the intention isn’t to live in a damn bubble so you never catch anything at all… Apparently, my father is in the latter category now, paranoid to the point of not really even leaving the house. Even for his exercises, he does them inside or upstairs on the rooftop terrace where he just walks in small 40ft loops. So unnecessarily cloistered, considering one of the city’s largest parks is just a stone’s throw away.

Whatever. From last year, dad has also made many dietary changes to combat the diabetes and high blood pressure. My brother of course considers himself a health expert/savant, so he is always emailing and feeding dad his unsolicited advice and propaganda. The household no longer cooks with olive oil, and my parents don’t consume flour either. I was turned off my the extremity of these changes… but my dad says his diabetes is better. He doesn’t notice any difference from cutting out flour, but he will continue with the regimen, bc he’s is ascetic that way. Needless to say, everyone in the household is now on this special diet targeting diabetes and kidney disease. I guess it was not a bad thing to change up my diet for a few days and consume more veggies, fish, soup, and lighter fare.

Overall, I will say the trip was a success. I got annoyed a few times with my dad bc he’s a control freak but other than that, there was a decent balance of forced rest aka covid quarantine, tech support, time with mom, self exploration, and visits with my cousins.

I was really proud of myself too for finding massage spots and spas and doing a lot of waking. My face was a total inflamed mess, but I did find a nice acne facialist and I am going to give her products a try.

There’s a lot about my family that feels too traditional and outdated. My aunt is still obsessing about the cousins who are unmarried. Remnant dreams of my grandfather kept being brought up even though he passed away years ago. I often wish my family would just get with the times and be more modern in their attitude and approach, but goddamn, they really are traditional and stubborn as hell. I mean, wasn’t there some recent census/stat saying half of all couples don’t have kids. It’s not like that’s a new concept. Get the fuck over it already.

This is partly why I won’t ever live in Taiwan. I can’t deal with all the conservative attitudes in my family plus the collective mentality. Oh hell no, folks. Stay in your frickin lane.

Pre-Travel Anxiety

Every year, in the weeks leading up to my annual trip to Taiwan, the dread starts to set in. It’s almost part of the entire routine and ritual now… a foreboding precursor before I meet my parents again. For some reason, the anxiety felt a little heavier this time. I suspect the weight of it had something to do with me feeling more accepting of my personal limitations and shortcomings. Is it self-acceptance, or is it more an acquiescence or resignation even? I’m not sure, but this time I felt a real fear of losing my temper with them.

In the past, my rage would unfurl at the drop of a pin, with an intensity that took no prisoners. But now that I’m older and their fragility is so much more apparent, I really want to keep my cool and composure. I know the triggers run deep, but I have to do better.

So in my typical fashion, ahead of the visit, I spent time planning logistics: what items needed to be brought back (printer cartridges, new phones, gifts), what gifts to take, what activities to schedule, tasks in advance and during, who to see, where to go, yada, yada. Due to J’s work schedule and Bentley care (always an issue), I was going solo this time, and the 11 days was going to be an eternity.

For most people, that doesn’t sound like an exorbitant amount of time, but keep in mind, I do not even vacation for longer than 5-7 days. Yes, I am that fucking uptight. I think I’ve gone on maybe only two or three trips with J that went longer than 8 days. Needless to say, I was concerned (as were many of my friends) about this duration with my family. In preparation, I scheduled two therapy sessions plus a pedicure and a massage… all to get my bucket topped up. Sure, there were stressors and the usual bullshit that arose at work, but I really tried my damnedest to be in optimal form.

Then, mistake 1: I decided to get my relatives some last-minute gifts necessitating a trip to the mall DURING HOLIDAY SEASON. High risk behavior. Fucking A. Mistake 2: J started exhibiting symptoms but we didn’t give it too much thought, bc he’d been having asthma issues for a bit. Mistake 3: I booked a Thanksgiving week flight– bursting at the damn seams.

And so my journey began… 22-freaking-hrs door-to-door. The flight itself, as I mentioned being the week of Thanksgiving, was of course crazy. Maxed out. The airline kept dangling promos asking passengers to volunteer getting bumped. Despite my propensity for dealios, I resisted. I tried to make the best of a long haul.

Immediately on touchdown, J informed me he tested positive for Covid. Great. Nothing to do about it now, so I hopped the metro, train, and car ride to my parents’ home in Kaohsiung, I didn’t feel so hot on arrival– sniffly nose, burning eyes, headache… then again, I had just traveled for 22 hrs. I took the test. Negative.

In true task master fashion, I very quickly unveiled to Dad my newest strategy for giving him autonomy and control over his matters (Google Fi phone). He gave it a few test runs and after I got his printer back online and working again (you have NO idea how damn buggy all his tech is), he was back in business printing out statements and paperwork– happy as a clam.

A few hours later, I was in bed though, and the fever started ramping up. Yup, an awful start to the dreaded trip. To be candid, I def didn’t do my body any favors with all the pre-trip anxiety and worry. The day after arrival, I knew I was sick… for the first time since 2019 if you can imagine! The test came back a solid positive. Coughing, fever, congestion.

I will say, thankfully, it’s not the sickest I’ve ever been and for that, I am thankful to have received the recent boosters in late October. I’m now in Day 4 of a 5-day quarantine, aka a “forced rest.” Clearly, I’m not good at letting my body take a break. I need to learn some new healthy habits pronto.