So the bossy pants, rude client that I picked up at an open house and got into contract on an off-market deal? It’s a very long, laborious story but for ten days while we were in contingent status, I did EVERYTHING to get her the info she needed to make the decision for her family. Contractors, inspectors, endless back and forth questions to the sellers, to the HOA. I could sort of tell she was pulling that bullshit “negotiating culture” technique where you lament about SO MANY things being wrong with the home. OMG, it’s in horrendous shape and needs SO MUCH work. For a full week, I’m explaining to her that this place is off-market. It’s not prepped like an active listing and that’s how you’re actually IN CONTRACT. Prior to meeting me, she’d already submitted multiple offers. Did she win? No, bc she’s too fucking cheap to go up in price. She doesn’t have it in her to win in this market. Look, here’s the thing. I know our market is extreme. The price points are crazy high. The pace moves very fast. That’s why I tell buyers: This market is not for everybody. If you are super conservative and want a ton of time to review every detail, this market is not for you. If you don’t want to “overpay”, well, step aside bc plenty of people will and do “overpay” bc they want to be in a damn house. If you want to hire your own inspectors and not use the seller reports, fine. Wait for a different market. Seriously. I’m not here to bully you beyond your comfort zone. I already know, more people are not interested in being pushed outside their zone. They want to stay in their safe little spot. Fine, your prerogative. You do you. I’m telling you that’s not how the current market goes.

So I’ve actually got a full schedule this afternoon with showings with a new client that is well qualified and actually very considerate and nice (imagine that!), so there’s no need to dwell on a shitty buyer even though I know it makes for a good story.

Here’s the quickie lowdown. I’m getting this down so I will never do this to myself again. Buyer was abrasive from the get go. Acted like she knew everything and she’s super qualified. Just needs the right house. Whatever.

Got her in contract. Gathered a shit ton of data and info…. way more than I’ve ever done for any other client. She kept complaining and kept throwing out lower and lower prices. The sellers were very clear about their bottom number. She kept pushing. One day she wanted the contact info for the homeowner next door who doesn’t even live at the home. Next day, she was freaking out about rats being in the EXTERIOR water heater closet that had a damaged door. Next day, why is the door number missing from above the garage and it’s not missing for anyone else? So many more… I can’t even list it all out. So finally, yesterday morning, she emails me to cancel the contract. Per her instructions, I draft it, she and her family Docusign and I send the file to the list agent for sellers. Then in the afternoon, while it’s out for seller signature, she calls that maybe she has remorse. The rat issue is a public health issue she claims, will they come down another 25k after they already agreed to come down the first 25k. I told her, we told you from the get go, you are at the bottom number. No more price cuts and on top of that, the deal is over. Sellers are signing cancellation. I emailed her the executed cancellation.

Then she has the nerve to ask me if we can find another home in the same price point. I told her, after this is formally cancelled, I cannot help you. There isn’t a good fit.

This morning, her lender calls me at 8AM. Can she still proceed with the deal? WTF? What don’t you understand? You’ve been such a pain in the ass to deal with, the sellers were thrilled to cancel and don’t want to ever communicate with you again. I email her again… uh, per your instructions, deal was canceled. Please confirm receipt. Then, a lengthy email about not wanting to be in a bidding war, maybe there are deals where price doesn’t go up, yada yada. Let’s have a frank conversation.

Normally, I respond fast. This time? Gonna just let that message sit. There is nothing more to say. Good luck on your search. F you. I busted my ass to get this deal done. I mean, she had an insane list of criteria…. criteria that even conflicted with each other. When I called to clarify, she wouldn’t even give me the time of day. “I’m a very busy person.” When I disagreed with her on comps, she accused me to advocating for the seller and not her. Ok, whatever. You just negotiated yourself out of a deal and an agent.

Turns out, I’m even busier than you are right now. NEXT. Seriously, it blows my fucking mind the audacity of asshole adults living among us. You want to be a bully? Goodbye.