Monthly Archives: November 2021

The COVID Effect

I’ve been thinking lately about how much COVID has changed things. On one hand, I really appreciated the shift to more efficient meetings. The elimination of travel time and commute allowed me to participate in so many more events, esp Realtor weekly updates. I really felt like I was taking advantage of so many more knowledge bases and resources.

Even when I have client zooms, it’s so helpful to be able to view the same properties together online and for me to share data and stats and graphs. Of course, when I used to have in-person meetings, I would book an office space and project that info on the screen but so many times, people would flake last minute and I’d be there all dressed up and set up twiddling my thumbs. Now if people flake (They still do, welcome to the modern era!) at least I can easily pivot back to what I was working on. I also like that I’m able to see people’s faces online. Sure, there are a bunch of studies about zoom fatigue and the detrimental effects of close up focus but eh. Ultimately, I embrace this technology and this form of communication.

John has commented a few times though that COVID has made me less social for my friendships. Maybe that’s true. I find that work has really picked up, so I’m easily having calls/zooms with several people per day and that eats into my overall battery for social interactions.

Which kinda brings me to a realization. All my past personality tests revealed me to be an extrovert by nature (although I’m borderline). But now I find I need my down time. It’s no longer energizing for me to connect with so many people. I like having my decompression time.

I think I’ve been lucky though: I’m in the business of still having to talk to and see people. So even in the most isolating of pandemic times, I’ve still been forced to get out and interact. There are certainly challenges with the face masks and limited body cues, but I’m continuing to learn. I think one important skill I still really need to hone is evaluating people. Seriously. Who’s’ ready, serious, decisive, smart, AND coachable. Too many times I’ve been burned trying to take on a challenge. Trying to identify my learning moment. Fucking showing 4-5 dozen homes only to realize in the end that the buyers STILL won’t adjust their budget/criteria to the current market. That’s my mistake.

In those times, I was a stupid, overly optimistic person. I wanted to believe that the default was: people will see the data and learn. Nope. This damn valley is full of self-confident, know-it-alls. If there’s a deal (a needle in the haystack) to be found, they are CONVINCED they are the ones to find it and win it. And so what you actually end up with is people who gather data ad nauseam and don’t know what the hell to do with it. A year later, prices are up 30% and they still haven’t won a house. Seriously. It’s time to shit or get off the pot, people.

The other day, I was explaining to a couple how competitive this market is. 10-20 offers and on AVERAGE 10% above list price. I advise that they get their loan docs fully underwritten to improve their positioning. What’s the response? A full run down about how they are dual income techies with solid salaries and no debt. Yeah, I know. AND join the club. You’re wanting a $1.6m home for a $1.2m price point. You are steadily employed with perfect credit, yada, yada. At the end of the day though, you want a home at a price point that doesn’t exist. And truthfully, the valley is chock full of people with loads of dough. I’m telling you. I had someone provide their bank statement with $21m in it. Those people are competing with you on that home that’ll go for $1.6m. And you’re telling me you will only pay $1.25m BUT you’ll remove contingencies. SMH. That’s what I’m saying. Are you coachable???

Here’s the thing: I know this market is cray. I know these figures are insane. I know! But my job is to get you ramped up to win. I ain’t about writing a gabillion LOSING offers. That’s a waste of your time and my time. Again, this market isn’t for everyone. Please have a better understanding of yourself (perhaps COVID has warped some brains), and let’s work on getting this shit done.

But I digress. The nature of my job can be pretty fucking exhausting. No doubt our population is highly educated and strongly skewed towards data heads. The irony is that that kind of profile doesn’t necessarily make my job easier. But like I said, I can be an optimistic and sometimes gullible/naive person. I’ll still plug away longer than a regular agent to try and make magic happen with you. Shrug. I can be masochistic that way.

Bye Bye, Bully!

So the bossy pants, rude client that I picked up at an open house and got into contract on an off-market deal? It’s a very long, laborious story but for ten days while we were in contingent status, I did EVERYTHING to get her the info she needed to make the decision for her family. Contractors, inspectors, endless back and forth questions to the sellers, to the HOA. I could sort of tell she was pulling that bullshit “negotiating culture” technique where you lament about SO MANY things being wrong with the home. OMG, it’s in horrendous shape and needs SO MUCH work. For a full week, I’m explaining to her that this place is off-market. It’s not prepped like an active listing and that’s how you’re actually IN CONTRACT. Prior to meeting me, she’d already submitted multiple offers. Did she win? No, bc she’s too fucking cheap to go up in price. She doesn’t have it in her to win in this market. Look, here’s the thing. I know our market is extreme. The price points are crazy high. The pace moves very fast. That’s why I tell buyers: This market is not for everybody. If you are super conservative and want a ton of time to review every detail, this market is not for you. If you don’t want to “overpay”, well, step aside bc plenty of people will and do “overpay” bc they want to be in a damn house. If you want to hire your own inspectors and not use the seller reports, fine. Wait for a different market. Seriously. I’m not here to bully you beyond your comfort zone. I already know, more people are not interested in being pushed outside their zone. They want to stay in their safe little spot. Fine, your prerogative. You do you. I’m telling you that’s not how the current market goes.

So I’ve actually got a full schedule this afternoon with showings with a new client that is well qualified and actually very considerate and nice (imagine that!), so there’s no need to dwell on a shitty buyer even though I know it makes for a good story.

Here’s the quickie lowdown. I’m getting this down so I will never do this to myself again. Buyer was abrasive from the get go. Acted like she knew everything and she’s super qualified. Just needs the right house. Whatever.

Got her in contract. Gathered a shit ton of data and info…. way more than I’ve ever done for any other client. She kept complaining and kept throwing out lower and lower prices. The sellers were very clear about their bottom number. She kept pushing. One day she wanted the contact info for the homeowner next door who doesn’t even live at the home. Next day, she was freaking out about rats being in the EXTERIOR water heater closet that had a damaged door. Next day, why is the door number missing from above the garage and it’s not missing for anyone else? So many more… I can’t even list it all out. So finally, yesterday morning, she emails me to cancel the contract. Per her instructions, I draft it, she and her family Docusign and I send the file to the list agent for sellers. Then in the afternoon, while it’s out for seller signature, she calls that maybe she has remorse. The rat issue is a public health issue she claims, will they come down another 25k after they already agreed to come down the first 25k. I told her, we told you from the get go, you are at the bottom number. No more price cuts and on top of that, the deal is over. Sellers are signing cancellation. I emailed her the executed cancellation.

Then she has the nerve to ask me if we can find another home in the same price point. I told her, after this is formally cancelled, I cannot help you. There isn’t a good fit.

This morning, her lender calls me at 8AM. Can she still proceed with the deal? WTF? What don’t you understand? You’ve been such a pain in the ass to deal with, the sellers were thrilled to cancel and don’t want to ever communicate with you again. I email her again… uh, per your instructions, deal was canceled. Please confirm receipt. Then, a lengthy email about not wanting to be in a bidding war, maybe there are deals where price doesn’t go up, yada yada. Let’s have a frank conversation.

Normally, I respond fast. This time? Gonna just let that message sit. There is nothing more to say. Good luck on your search. F you. I busted my ass to get this deal done. I mean, she had an insane list of criteria…. criteria that even conflicted with each other. When I called to clarify, she wouldn’t even give me the time of day. “I’m a very busy person.” When I disagreed with her on comps, she accused me to advocating for the seller and not her. Ok, whatever. You just negotiated yourself out of a deal and an agent.

Turns out, I’m even busier than you are right now. NEXT. Seriously, it blows my fucking mind the audacity of asshole adults living among us. You want to be a bully? Goodbye.

Taking Action

Lately, I’ve found myself getting pretty. damn. ticked off. by people. Like, a lot. Granted, my biz throws me in front of more strangers/interactions than the average person, so maybe that’s worn down my usually high tolerance (yeah right) for bullshit. I dunno: maybe it’s also just that phase of life, you know having to deal with responsibilities for the parents and things. Altogether, it can be a grind.

The good news is that the Maryland house closed a week ago. That’s officially done. My father got his two vax shots while he was here thru summer, and then he endured another 2 weeks of hotel quarantine after returning back to Taiwan. The island is STILL being super strict with their policies. Thankfully, vaccines are becoming more available there, but I’m waiting to see when they remove the quarantine restriction. Until then, I’m not planning to fly out there for a visit. As it is, I can only handle 5 days max with the parentals, and to tack on 2 weeks confined in a room on top of that is a definite deal breaker.

In other news, we’re into the final weeks of the year, and I am picking up the pace working with numerous buyers. I hosted several open houses that thankfully received a ton of traffic, and I actually scored several new clients from those. At the moment, I’m covering a pretty broad geography from Contra Costa County thru Alameda, San Mateo, and down to Santa Clara Counties, but dayum, it feels good to be very busy.

I’ve been working more too with first-time buyers, and that’s especially rewarding. It’s kind of interesting bc one common theme we often encounter in real estate masterminds/trainings is this notion of “how coachable are you?” And I find that that concept totally applies with buyers. With the demographics of our area, we certainly have a ton of dataheads and personalities that can be rather opinionated and decisive. I definitely appreciate working with people who are educated and smart; that said, sometimes there’s a lot of attitude where people do a lot of puffing. I’ve had a few buyers try to “school” me on the process and/or the market, and then once things got down to business with the details, I realized very quickly they were completely clueless.

I recently met a lady at an open house who just kept being very dismissive, treating me like someone below her. Sometimes I get some weird masochistic bug in my head though, where I convert my annoyance into a game, like… hmm, if I WERE to convert someone like this, how would that be done? So I gathered some advice from my team, and she actually responded. Granted the next several weeks, there was still that underlying disrespect, acting like she knew the market better than I did (she was REALLY starting to irk me), but as I asked more questions, perhaps I suggested to her that she didn’t really understand these terms, like “noncontingent” that she was just throwing out. Two days ago, I got wind of an off-market deal and now we are in contract. Not even a fucking “thank you” for preparing the package in a flash and beating out other buyers who had also seen the home.

I won’t go into the details now, but it’s frustrating dealing with attitude from clients. And thankfully, I have had experiences where I know it doesn’t even have to be that way. So note to self: I must do a better job of being selective. I don’t have to work with everyone and honestly, not everyone deserves the level of service and attention that I give.

So of course while all this work bullshit has been happening, I got a call from my friend’s mom. Super urgent. My friend N has been in the dumps (again) and somehow I’m the only one who can get to her. Can I fly out to NC to talk to N? Um, I have been leaving messages, polos, sending cards. No reply. I’m done. And no, I’m not fucking flying out to North Carolina just to have a goddamn conversation. I cannot help people who are unwilling to help themselves. I’m not some godsend miracle worker here to save people. I am at the end of my string. Friendship is a two-way street. I try my best to give some buffer for mental health and how debilitating it is, but at end of the day, if you aren’t responding and you don’t even open mail from your concerned friends, sorry, that’s where I draw the line.

And just like that, I am back in therapy. I know society still has a stigma with mental health and therapy, but I don’t have any shame for therapy. The world’s a fucked up place, and kudos for people who have the cognizance to ask for some fucking help to get better. Anyway, I found a lady who’s pretty good. We’re doing the weekly thing, and she actually seems quite cutting edge. Already, she has suggested some newer coping techniques and methods. I started seeing her bc I was feeling a lot of anger and frustration being surrounded by people of inaction. That’s what I’ll call them. People who are miserable and unhappy and yet don’t take any action to change things or try to make things better. Look, everyone is struggling. You’re not the only one with problems. Fucking do something to figure it out.

The initial impetus for all this was, surprise, surprise, my parents. I had had just one too many calls where mom was a practical vegetable, unable to even get up out of her chair, her muscles have atrophied so much, and dad never leaves the house and just sighs every which way. What are you up too? Is anything new? NOTHING.

Jesus Christ, are you being held captive? Yes, I know it’s covid times but in Taiwan, that shit is under control. You live across one of the largest urban parks on the goddamn island. Go across the street and take a fucking walk! Jesus Christ. As you can see, I was up to my ears listening to this self-imposed paralysis.

The thing is, on one hand, my brain tells me I need to have more compassion. That people aren’t necessarily built like I am (whatever that means) with motivation and self-control. Yada yada. Fine, feel some compassion for them being paralyzed by pain. Now what. What the fuck are you gonna do about it?

So that’s topic #1 with the therapist. Topic #2 is bullshit I have related to work and self-worth and my definitions of success. I have discussed my mental struggles with work/career ad nauseum on this blog. It goes away every few years and then comes back with a fucking vengeance. No one really gets it. What started off as parental pressures used to “motivate” me to be better turned into a lifelong, insatiable, relentless push where at times, I will push myself to sheer exhaustion chasing this nebulous, constantly morphing ideal of success. The therapist admits there are memories and incidents where the things my parents said were “messed up.” Her proposal is to try EMDR (Eye movement desensitization reprocessing) to help move me to a place where I can recall memories without feeling the pain and trauma (her word choice) surrounding them.

So I’m on a once a week and of course, as soon as I started, I began compiling my thoughts about what I thought my issues were and why I was seeking help. Yes, in true control-freak fashion. Unlike what I did with a past therapist though, I refrained from providing her with a written synopsis. Haha, yes I did that in the past! Anyway, as you can see the projects never really end. There’s always something.