Every day, Bentley goes for a walk at the school/park next door. Lately, J has been on morning duty and then I usually join in the evenings. Of course, we did this daily routine back in the day when we had Remy and Martin with us. And through this schedule, we started meeting many of the other dog owners in the hood, as everyone generally walked their pooches before and after work. I met several Chinese American ladies this way: one was the lady who always appeared frazzled/exhausted and complained about having kids ALL THE TIME. The other Chinese-American woman was like the exact opposite: super chill and low key. In all cases, we shared that special bond talking about our crazy Chinese parents. The dredging of memories and commiseration served an endless source of conversation.

Long story short, there was some period of time, about six months when suddenly, we stopped seeing the low-key lady. Occasionally, I saw her from a distance with her doggie: she always seemed bundled up in some baggy gym clothes. But that was kind of her m.o.– sporty clothing. Fast forward half a year and I finally spotted her again at the park in late summer. She’s standing over a stroller. WTF? I go over, thinking surely she is babysitting or something. Inside, it’s an Asian baby. I start asking totally retarded questions, bc I’m convinced there is no way the baby is hers.

Hey, what you doing? Are you babysitting for a friend? No.
Confused, I start thinking maybe she adopted a baby… Is this your baby? Yes.
But the baby is Asian, so maybe she’s NOT adopted. Like a total gauche dumbass, I continue…
Were you pregnant? Yes.
Totally shocked, I repeat the same questions but in other ways. You had a baby?!?! This is your child?!?!
Seeing the absolute shock in my face, she said, Sorry, I thought I told you.
Thinking to myself: Oh hell no, you didn’t tell me. I had no fucking idea.
I mean, for realz. I saw her in the winter, here and there in the spring, and bam! Now she’s pushing a stroller. Holy fuck.

So I was retelling this encounter to Bubs, and he was just as shocked as I was. Of course, when it comes to noticing women, he’s sometimes super clueless but still. How did we miss a preggers person? After some discussion, we concluded that we are so fricking averse to having a child ourselves that for any couple that is around our age (who doesn’t currently have kids), we assume they have the same exact intention. I figured she and her hubby were just childfree by choice. Nosiree. Most people actually want to have kids. Duh.

Same thing happened with our next-door neighbor. A few months ago, we’re over there for wine and cheese. Then bam! I’m taking out the trash one night as the wife pulls into the driveway. She emerges with a bulging belly. Due at the end of this year. WTF? When did THIS happen? You wanted to have kids? Mind blown all over again.

That’s the thing. I feel so damn strongly about our stance, that I can’t even understand or remotely fathom a different choice for other people. So then when pregnancy happens, I’m always caught off guard, immediately assume it’s a mistake, and am pretty much oblivious. Sigh. Live and learn.