Monthly Archives: October 2017

Snow White and the Huntsman

My skin is kinda all over the place these days. Cysts, peeling, dryness, enlarged pores…. and I’ve been getting sucked into a bunch of different products. It really is the endless search for the magic potion. Among the new products, I recently turned to snail cream, a Korean import. Yes, the Korean women are famous for their gabillion-step skincare routine. I happen to think more than anything it is the climate up north… they don’t have to suffer through the heat and humidity that women do in Taiwan. I mean, sure I’m living in the temperate climate of Northern California, so I dunno what my excuse is for shit skin. No sleep and mental stress I suppose. So anyway I finally decided to give snail cream a try. I had been holding off bc well, that shit is made from the mucin of snails. That just seemed so inhumane and gratuitous, you know? I mean, I suppose every time I consume meat, I am playing god and positioning myself above other creatures, not to mention pulling the power card. I certainly feel more akin to warm-blooded mammals than I do to mollusks but I dunno there was just something disturbing about the thought of snail farms where swaths of snails were exposed to stress so they can produce the mucous that then gets harvested for my skin cream. It always reminds of me of that movie with Charlize Theron and Kristin Stewart. Charlize plays the evil queen who, in order to maintain her beauty has to consume the hearts of young princesses. For some reason, my snail cream makes me feel like the queen.

But shit man my skin needs major help. So the poor snails. Supposedly they are raised specifically for this purpose. And they aren’tkilled, they just feel like they are going to die. Ah, the things we tell ourselves to rationalize our behavior. What can I say. I’m a vain beotch and I only got a few more years left to have non-crepey skin. Sorry snails. My time is now.

Meanwhile what’s the verdict on this blood sauce? I’m not sure it helps with my acne. It does seem to help the non t-zone areas of my face. But my nose and chin are still problematic. So maybe my stint is short lived. Onto the next torture cream!

Daughters of Immigrant Parents 

Holy crap, I cannot believe it is the end of October. I really hustled to finish the month out strong…. I had an open house in Menlo Park Saturday and Sunday in hopes of squeezing in an offer before flying off to Taiwan on Monday. Sadly, no such luck. I’ve had the worst experiences with Menlo Park, actually. It’s a trendy city in the more expensive San Mateo County, so for both properties I was hopeful, but I dunno, the streets are really difficult to place signs bc the roads have no shoulder or have cars parked everywhere. It’s been a real pain and then I got no traffic through the open house. Given, the properties were on the market longer than usual but still… anyway, note to self: No more Menlo Park. Stick to what I know in Santa Clara County.

The interesting thing I’ve learned though while working with my Vietnamese loan agent and my Indian buyers… the immigrant experience really is a powerful life influence. Like when I had my homebuying class and I talked about handling a lot of matters for my parents, the attendees really got it. And so many times, my friend C the loan officer is on the phone handling transactions for her aunt or cousins or whatever. It’s a lot of extra work and tedious shit too like reviewing HOA docs or managing bank accounts or legal contracts…. I dunno. Sometimes it’s comforting to know we share common experiences, but man, Asian daughters have to handle so much shit. C was telling me how her parents bought a house that her brother and his wife live in. Sound familiar? And her brother is always benefiting from being the Asian son. He’s not even responsible or helpful with anything. He just reaps all the benefits without having to lift a fucking finger. Meanwhile, bc C is single, the people in family, esp the women, are constantly cutting her down. Her grandmother ridicules her and calls her an old maid and “leftover” woman. She accuses her of being a man. I get so worked up and pissed off when I hear that shit. It really just highlights how sexist Asian culture still is. Meanwhile she handles all important matters, financing, legal stuff, etc. and her brother does nothing. And she’s the one getting called names. Again, it’s that Asian style of parenting where people think name calling and shaming will motivate you to somehow have a different outcome. It’s so demeaning and manipulative. I think it helps C to know that I understand the criticism bc I have seen it. But man, esp before my trip to Taiwan, it gets me super on edge. Like if my relatives say anything to get under my skin, I will just fucking blow up.

Of course, as the universe would plan it, Johnny keeps emailing my dad’s email account. Last week was a YouTube video by an ex pharma sales guy who basically said the pharmaceutical business is all about making money. Then, there was a video about the dangers of the flu vaccine. This week he sent some video with tips about what husbands can do to maintain a good marriage. I mean, generally I am all about the self help and learning how to improve my relationships, but advice from my selfish, never been married brother? Puhleeze. Step the fuck off, man child.

It irks me so much I’m going to tell Dad I’m done monitoring his emails. He can either block this bullshit content, tell Johnny to stop spreading his antivax propaganda, or he can monitor his own goddamn email. So fucking annoying to see this garbage on a daily basis.

Meanwhile, my colleague at the office keeps telling me I’m so lucky to be going on vacation. Ok woman, Taiwan is NOT a fucking vacation ok? It’s going to take all the energy in the world for me not to blow up at my mother. Remember my trip last year? And the one before that? Granted, I know now what I didn’t know then— that my mother has cognitive issues. So yes, I’m supposed to be extra tolerant and compassionate. I agree that the diseases have not helped with her mental processing. That said, she said and did plenty of damage even when she was of sound mind… but who’s holding a grudge, right?

I always try my best to channel my beloved Bubbey, but ultimately, I am who I am. Sigh. Wish me luck. At least I’ll have our Rover client Sadie Spunkmeyer greeting us the day we get back Stateside!

East San Jose After Dark

As you know, I made a conscious effort recently to step up my game by calling potential buyers. From the get go, I employed a multi-pronged call/email approach with the two gents who attended my homebuying class.

They are childhood friends, so they attended my class together. That said, they are on different timelines. One is still trying to see how much he can afford based on co-borrowing with family. The other is clear on location but not sure about how much he wants to spend. He has an approval amount, but he wants to be conservative. What this means is, possibly condo/townhouse, maybe SFH.

So I started sending him MLS queries based on our conversation, and I asked for his feedback. I also ran stats to give him (an engineer) some data on avg and median prices, $/sf, expected sold/list ratios, etc. He expressed interest in seeing two townhomes in East SJ, but bc of his work schedule, he couldn’t meet at the property until 8pm. Meanwhile, the thing about properties in San Jose is that they are typically owner-occupied, which requires additional planning/logistics on the front end in order to preview.

Mind you, I have done a few open houses in SJ, but SJ is a huge area, and East SJ is like where my skatepark was… I was a little nervous about driving around in the dark scouting out these places. Plus, I have never had good luck with parking… even in the residential neighborhoods. Anyway, we met out there, we looked at places, and it was fine. He and I get along pretty well, and I was thrilled when he commented that he has met a lot of agents and I’ve been really speedy, thorough, and responsive. He liked too that I gave him additional data. And he can tell that I go that extra mile. Yay, FINALLY, someone is noticing all the extra work I put in. It was a great boost to get some validation. And we talked about KW about my commission… he didn’t know much about how all that is structured, but he seemed focused on his priorities, which is a refreshing change. It’s not about trying to save a few grand by going with a discount broker. It’s about working with someone who is trustworthy, knowledgeable, and thorough so that ultimately, you get the house that you want in this crazy market. Goddamn, what a relief to meet someone so logical, someone who really gets it. He def impresses me. So now I am trying to hone down his search… his timeline is by the end of the year, so I am hopeful.

I will say, it was TOUGH finding parking in these communities after everyone was home from work. And some spots were DARK. Next time I need to pack a flashlight bc the phone light just isn’t strong enough. What can I say, I’m not in Kansas anymore when I’m in SJ. But I like this client. He is young but he has his shit together. He is a planner who is clearly developing a strategy to be smart with his money. It’s really cool to see, and even though his price point is a lot lower than the other potential clients, I think it would be very rewarding to help him through this process.

What else. I’ve been busy too with Rover. I was bragging to J the other day that I was more than doubling my Rover income from last year. Then Bubs said, well, you didn’t do a full year last year. Oh. Touche. Way to burst my bubble. Still, even if I calculate for the same months both years, I’m slightly ahead. I like hosting doggies. Except when they get sick poopies and shit all over my carpet. Yes, that happened today. Diarrhea is no. fucking. joke. Ugh. It was disgusting. I tried to imagine that people with kids have to deal with similar grossness way more often, so I should just get over it. Well, Laundress to the rescue! I cannot believe it, but it got that shit out. Literally. And I just want to add: I’m glad I saved all my old socks/underwear as cleaning rags. I went through a ton of them cleaning up today’s mess.

Other than that, the big news is that Bubs returns tonight from MD. Yup, he’s been a true road warrior for the month of October. My friend asked if I was feeling lonely. Honestly, I will never admit to any codependency, but I will say it has been hard doing my open house and homebuying class set ups solo. It’s a lot of shit to lug around and set out. But I have been trying to work a ton… I’m finding that evening calls work best, and that’s much easier to do when you come home from the office to an empty house. Still, I’m glad he’s coming home. Taiwan is right around the corner… Ugh.

Saved by the Stragglers

Well, I had a near meltdown this morning after I stayed up late rehearsing, couldn’t sleep, had bad dreams, got to the office at 9:15am to set up the food and drinks, and then NOT A SINGLE SOUL SHOWED UP. My colleague said she was going to come, and four people registered. At 10 am, I looked at the empty classroom and thought I was going to cry.

All that fucking flyering and asking my friends and Rover clients etc. to cross promote and whatever. I lugged this huge heavy-ass bag with three stoneware plates and all the goodies to make the breakfast foods pretty and presentable. Ugh. I sat there in the classroom with my loan officer. I was trying not to cry. Then, thankfully, at 10:30 am, an Indian dude showed up and he said his friend was on the way. OMFG.

We finally got started about 10:40 and another Indian dude showed up but he hadn’t slept. He came straight after pulling an all-nighter at work. He wanted to see my slides and then after I showed him, he said he already knew the info and wanted to go home. Um, ok.

With the remaining two dudes, the show went on. I felt pretty good about my part, talking about the benefits of home ownership and the current market conditions. Based on Bub’s feedback from my last homebuying class in May, I injected some personal stories too to make me more relatable. My coach and loan officer partner said I did a good job. It felt smooth and intuitive, thankfully. I mean, I did Elizabeth Dole that shit (as usual).

Then my loan officer came on for her part. Dang, the Indian dudes came with so many questions. So many scenarios. Thank goodness homegirl has been in the business since 2004. She had all the answers.

Then, get this. At like 11:45 (the class was scheduled for 10-12), a Chinese couple with two kids come into the room. Um, are you here for the class bc all the content is done, we are in Q&A phase. They were so strange. Kids ate a shit ton of the food. I was so annoyed and then they just kept asking me loan questions. Um, I’m the realtor. She’s the loan officer and she’s with these people. Here’s her card and you can meet with her privately to discuss your personal scenario. It was just so bizarre.

We finally got done at 1:15. In the end, I felt ok about everything. I think these guys will be clients for my loan officer. I’m not sure if they’ll work with me. They have to get their finances worked out before we really know what their budget is, but I will try to engage simultaneously while she works up their applications. They were cool guys. Young and single but very goal-oriented. It was cool to see such diligence and intention. Sometimes it’s so frustrating bc people at open houses can be “casually looking” for like years. Analysis paralysis or something. I dunno.

So I got home, and my Rover client Biscuit was slumbering away. This little corgi mix gets heavier and heavier every time I see her (third stay). She’s like a mini tank. But it’s nice coming home to a wagging tail. I so miss having my own doggie. Jan 2018 is the new deadline. I need a doggie to warm my home.

Well, I did email follow ups and also called today. I’m so pooped. I actually went to get my toes done for the first time in probably a year. It was so nice. Now I’m headed for a soak in the hot tub and then it’s bed time. I need some major zzzs.

Low Tolerance

I was so annoyed the other day. My father called in the evening sounding all pathetic. Our usual weekly Friday/Saturday night call slot came and went and he hadn’t heard from me. Part of the reason is that I don’t call them while they are in Taiwan, bc I can never reach them. The other piece is that I’ve been working my ass off.

So anyway, his tone was all weak and tired and neglected. How are you? How is your body? Are you doing ok? I mean, I dunno what he wants me to say. I’m perpetually sleep-deprived and stressed. Then he’s asking me all these questions. Is it bc John is away? Is it stress? I mean, it’s everything: I’m building my business, I am a chronic worrier, I’m an insomniac, I feel overwhelmed about all the eldercare shit that is coming down the pipeline… It’s not something I’m wanting to troubleshoot or discuss.

And then it was the same old shit with them. Mom is continuing her hyperbaric oxygen treatments. When I spoke with her earlier this month, she sounded hopeful. Now dad says she wants to stop the treatments, but since they already pre-paid 30 treatments, she’s going to just finish. Dad doesn’t think it’s working. I mean, my dad has never been a positive person, so that’s no big surprise. But how could her stance on it shift so dramatically? Maybe when I spoke with her before, she was optimistic bc she had just started? I dunno. I just get irritated by them having too much shit up in the air. I mean: still no progress on timeline and the house and whatever. And now that they are reunited in Taiwan, are they still doing things and socializing? You know, keep alert and engaged? Probably not.

Then every damn time I’m on the phone with dad, he keeps telling me I don’t need to work so hard, bc it’s not like I need the money. He reminds me that my situation is different from his when he came to the USA as an immigrant with a young family. Yeah, I get it. You ate tons of bitter. You made sacrifices. Hearing that shit just gets me more pissed off. I mean, my entire fucking life, all he ever does is compare me to his friends’ kids, rattling off all their academic and professional accomplishments. Now, I’m busting ass trying to succeed in real estate and he tells me it’s unnecessary. You can’t fucking have it both ways. I don’t say anything back to him bc I assume his intentions are good, but it’s just a little too fucking late. Needless to say, that call put me in the shittiest mood afterwards, bc it’s just so much goddamn baggage.

The next day, I complained about it to Bubs who is back East. He says I can’t expect them to be different people than who they are in terms of socializing and being active. Fine. True. But all this concern about health and not overworking is a total 180 from all the stuff that was emphasized before so actually, he IS a different person. And I just don’t know how to interact with this altered version.

Then this morning Dad called asking me what we wanted to do in Taiwan, where we wanted to travel. I mean, I don’t want to sound bitchy, but I’ve done Taiwan a gabillion times now. It will never be a fun place for me bc there is too much family drama there. Yes, that’s my own hangup, but if it weren’t for my grandparents being there, I would never go there year after year. So this is what I mean: my dad wants to do fun things and interact with me on a non-work, fun and friendly level and I just don’t know how to do this really. It’s a bizarre thing. It’s almost like I am comfortable with the distant, more-business like relationship, the list of to-dos. I know, probably more shit I have to work on…

I did tell him John wanted to check out some leather and stationery shops in Taipei, so dad said sure, you’re welcome to stay at our home in Taipei. Yup, the one where Johnny lives. I said we’ll just get a hotel. Then he got all upset: why? I mean, do I really have to explain why? My brother lives there. I’m not going to go stay with someone I dislike just to save $60… Yeah, so that was a great call with dad. Ugh.

The Next Big Push

On Wednesday, I attended the first session of BOLD. BOLD is the sales prospecting class I took back in May… yes, the one where I had to talk to 100 people per week. So our company offers the 7-week program twice a year, and the leadership at my office was giving us the big sell to take it again. Honestly, I had no plans to register a second time (I mean, it was hard enough the first time around…), but we were encouraged to attend the free first class at a minimum– as a refresher/reboost at least. And by golly, a re-boost it was!

I ran into my former team captain. Yes, the uber suave frat boy who wasn’t necessarily my style, but. I mean, I have to give credit where credit is due. Homeboy is always decked out in a sweet suit, and he is smoooth when he talks. He just exudes confidence and success. So we chatted for a bit. Like Bubs, he was like, you’ve done 20+ open houses and only made one sale? What are you doing? What are you saying?

After a quick chat, the bottom line? Don’t email that evening with follow up. Call. You gotta call. Ugh. I mean, make no mistake: I have done calls in the past. But I always hated it. And esp when I got dud numbers or “voicemail systems not set up”, I stopped, bc I was sick of getting shit numbers from visitors. So after a few fails early on, I went the email route instead. The team captain insists that I have to master the call. Fine.

The other thing I gained from him? Work on the scripts more. And he demonstrated his tweaked versions– just short, quick lines but delivered with confidence and dang, they were so natural. I’m telling you, this dude is a master.

So I got reinvigorated. That day after the training (8:30-3:30P), I headed back to the office re-energized. Let’s get this shit going. So I went to my list of over 100 open house visitors. All the visitors from the very beginning, and I started to call the numbers I had. What do you fucking know? I spoke to maybe 10 people. One person made an appointment with me for Tuesday morning!!! Three others are interested in meeting after their hectic schedules die down in two weeks. One Dutch lady too… omfg, the craziest story: I actually got her confused with a lady from Canada. Yeah, after I left a very detailed message inquiring about her job offer (reason for the Canadian’s possible move), I later realized I got the women totally mixed up. Holy shit. I seriously try my best with taking notes of all the open house visitors as they come through, but sometimes, huge groups come all at once and it’s really hard to get their names, their spouses’ names, plus their context. Long story short, I was in a quandary. I mean, NOW what am I supposed to do??? I clearly got my wires crossed.

Well, I resolved to admit and apologize for my error. So, I emailed the Dutch lady and explained that I’d gotten her confused with another open house visitor. We had over 100 people through in two days, and I’m very sorry for the mixup. If she has any real estate needs, I’d love to meet over coffee to see if there’s a good fit. I mean, I was fully prepared to be written off, you know? But holy crap. The lady replied and said she wanted to meet after she returns Stateside in December. Say whaaaa???

The strange thing about all of this? I really just needed a couple small wins to give me more confidence to carry on. First, thank goodness I spoke to my BOLD team leader. To be honest, I saw him there all dapper and confident. I really didn’t want to talk to him, bc he’s fucking intimidating, you know? But once we made eye contact, I knew I had to approach him. And it’s so critical that I did. Second, I’m so glad I went to that Bold refresher, bc it really made me realize how much I’d started to slack off, you know? Like I’ve said a gabillion times before: you have to work smart not just work hard. It’s not enough to run myself into the ground doing busy work. I have to spend my time in the areas that count! Third, I was reminded that my goal for success and fear of failure needs to trump all else.

In other words, I’d been dragging ass about making calls for the longest time. Why? Bc I was worried what people would think of me. I was worried about rejection. I was worried about coming across unprepared or incompetent. That fear stopped me from doing it. But the truth is, nothing will be MORE disheartening or more disappointing to me than failure in real estate. That is the worst possible pain re: my career, so I must do everything and anything I can to NOT feel that pain. Whatever it takes.

What can I say: this was the reset button I needed. So since last Wednesday, I have been stepping shit up again. I still have zero signups for my homebuying class, but you know what? It’s still a great idea. It’s still a good niche, and the preparation– even if no one shows up– is worth it. I can’t let this small disappointment bring me down. So I’ve been canvasing and flyering all over the damn place. I asked my friends. Friends who work in tech. I told open house visitors about the class. I started putting my class postcards in the door jambs of cars parked in apartment complexes. Yes, I was that creeper walking around in dark garages, putting my flyers on the cars. I hit up really nice quasi-skyscraper apartments in Cupertino where I went deep into the bowels of a 4-level parking garage. Some dude saw me going car to car and stopped to watch me. Like you know, to make sure I wasn’t burglarizing or shit. It was funny.

Today I co-hosted my friend’s listing. A 2 BR/2BA condo in Cupertino. TONS of people. I gathered their info. Said I was going to call to set an appointment. I told them about my class. After I got home, I emailed everyone the disclosures and then I made the calls. Three people are open to meeting with me. They want to check their schedule tonight and get back to me tomorrow. One even thanked me for the follow up, OMG, whut? Am I finally finding my tribe?

At first when I started making my calls last Wednesday, I was so surprised. I told John that I could NOT believe people were staying on the phone having conversations with me. But John said calls are def way more effective at getting commitments. With email, people don’t see or hear you. They can just ignore or reject without seeing any reaction from you. With in person or phone calls, people are more inclined to agree. I mean, duh. It’s such common sense, and yet, I dunno. I just forgot. But I’m seeing it now. And it’s so important too to say, “let’s meet and see if we’re a good fit.” As my team captain said, don’t say from the get go that you want to work with him. That comes across as desperate. Instead, let’s meet and see. That way, you have an out and they have an out. Kinda like dating I guess. You can’t just insist you’re compatible. SMH. Genius.

I mean, that line is working so much better. And honestly, I get to maintain my own discernment and dignity. I’m excited for this final push before my trip to Taiwan. I’m determined to up my conversions. New week kicks off tomorrow!

Making the Ask

I have so many thoughts these days crammed into my head. So many things to learn and do and figure out. I’ve been trying to work on getting more/better rest, but it’s slow-going re-training my mind to chill the fuck out.

My latest dilemma, as you know, has been this issue of why am I not converting these open house visitors into clients. I had a call with my bud G the other day. Dang, it was so helpful hearing her brainstorm and problem-solve from a different perspective. Anyway, G suggested some alternative ways of connecting with people at open houses. Like if I consider written communication more of a strength than my in-person communication, what can I do to expose that side of me to visitors? I’ve got some new things to try… unfortunately, I haven’t been able test them out yet, but I will. Last night, I just reached out to another 20 agents seeing if I can do a twilight open house (Thu/Fri evening) since I’m going to a retirement party on Saturday and then hosting my colleague’s listing on Sunday.

I was so excited to tell J G’s ideas and well, being the business dude that he is, his point was that: somewhere, somehow, other agents are converting these open house visitors into clients, so there is definitely a method that works. You have to learn and master that method. That’s part of your job. Ouch, right? I see his point, and I’ve been reading/listening to scripts to internalize that more. But at the same time, I’m also going to try something totally different– like a brochure about me or something.

The other thing is, I’m hosting that homebuying seminar later this month. So far, zero signups. It’s stressing me out, bc my coach and loan officer have committed to driving into the office on a Saturday. I’ve also been working on my slides, pulling market data and practicing what I’m going to say. It just would suck to have nobody show up. And John is away so I’ll also have to prep refreshments and all that shit. Ugh. Events.

I recently watched La La Land. I didn’t expect to like it, bc I hate movies that are musicals, but I was really surprised by the message. Two people fall in love with each other and each one has big dreams. They end up not being together in the end, and it’s so un-Hollywood. But I found it to be so realistic: love doesn’t conquer all. And there are sacrifices involved with pursuing your dreams and with achieving success.

There are several scenes that I can really relate to: Emma Stone plays an aspiring actress. She works and works at it. At the gabillion auditions, the directors cut her off, or don’t pay attention, or are rude, or whatever… the movie captures that very human emotion of wanting something so badly, of working hard for it, and of just. not. getting. it. OMG, I am tearing up now just feeling that disappointment and frustration of rejection. The truth is, for some people, that end goal never comes to fruition. In that sense, the movie was still very Hollywood: she becomes a huge star in the end, and Ryan Gosling lives out his dream.

I know that success is never guaranteed. I have met people who have busted ass their entire lives and stagnated. But I still have to take that chance. I’m not going to give up. Maybe my “joy” is still in the journey, not the destination. Haha. I dunno. But honestly, what else would I do other than hustle?

Still, I was complaining to Bubs last night that there are zero signups. He thinks the topic is too specific. Granted, the seminar is aimed towards a very specific group (non-permanent residents), but shit, given the number of questions we’ve gotten at open houses from people on work visas with foreign funds, I think it’s a really good niche. Whatever, trial and error. I’m iterating and we’ll just have to see what works.

I’m still trying to get the word out. I hit up ethic supermarkets, coffee shops, library, apartment parking lots… I dunno that my method is very effective. I also reached out to my ProMatchers (networking group) and friends who work for big companies, asking if they can help spread the word by posting to the lunchroom or whatever. It’s so hard for me to ask for help, but these are the new habits I must build. And hopefully, they will remember the times when I have tried to help them.

Ok, well I’m off to flyer at some apartment communities in Cupertino. Then, I’m attending a ProMatch mixer in the evening. I’m going to use my scripts on those innocent bystanders. 🙂

Toughening Up

At the start of this month, I vowed to mentally toughen up. Frankly, I was tired of thwarting myself with disparaging thoughts and self-imposed impediments. I saw how so many other agents made progress, not necessarily by having greater knowledge or more experience, but simply by being bold(er).

So, I revisited some old leads. I contacted John’s former coworker, whom I’d pitched back in July. I noticed that the agent they selected hadn’t closed any more deals… maybe the house hunt went on hold? Maybe they didn’t like her? I reached out to see how things were going. They just closed on that investment property.

Then, I emailed a friend of G’s. A few months ago, G told me her doc friend was searching in Fremont… I sat on that lead, bc 1) I felt intimidated since that person already owns multiple properties. (She seemed like a real estate pro!) 2) I also didn’t feel very knowledgeable about East Bay. Well, after I finally shifted my mindset last week and reached out, she already became someone else’s client. Finally, I contacted my Sunnyvale clients. I hadn’t heard from them much since closing in July. I bought some cookies as a gift for Mid-Autumn Festival last week. I emailed if there was a time for me to stop by and chat. No reply. On Thursday, I dropped off the gift in person and chatted with the wife’s mother, who incidentally, was visiting from China. She was a delightful lady: she said they were happy there. That evening, the buyer emailed me thanks. He’d let me know when his friends are looking to buy. The most unemotional and taciturn email ever. So 0-3, basically.

Normally, such a series of disappointments would have me in tears afterwards. But strangely, I’m at peace with it. I still think I did a good consult appointment with John’s coworker and his wife. The Fremont lead? That’s a lesson learned. As for my buyers… now that time has passed since my transaction, I can honestly look back and feel proud of how hard I worked for them.

And of course, the focus is on moving forward. I scored a sweet open house for this Sunday. Unfortunately, after I prepped my flyers, door hangers, and everything, I got a call late Friday night from the list agent: the sellers received three offers, and the house is now pending. Fucking A.

But, that’s this biz. Shit turns on a dime. So instead, I made plans with my loan agent to prep for my upcoming homebuying class on October 21. Also, I’m starting my farming mailings this month, so there are a gabillion steps with running database queries, creating my postcards in Publisher, and researching the printers. Holy crap, you have no idea how long all the printers take to turn around those postcards. I’ll get them mid October and then I have to apply the labels and postage. Ugh. I really hope I get some leads from these mailings.

Beyond work, I got my hair chopped. My hairdresser is so funny. She was so relieved I was getting a new style. She said as she saw me walking through the door, she said to herself, “Gosh, I hope she does something different today.” Haha. Of course when I met with my loan agent today, she’s a super blunt Vietnamese chick. She was like, “You can’t get a cut like that and not style it!!!”. Apparently, I’m supposed to be flat ironing that shit. SMH. Not gonna happen, woman.

What else. I was so stoked for my latest ThredUp order, and well, fuck me. Nothing fits!! I mean, I dunno why I’m surprised given my sedentary lifestyle… Man, I had to send nearly all of it back. Time to move up a size. Sigh. I mean, in my defense, I did do a very rigorous deep cleaning of the house today: laundry, changed the sheets, cleaned the windows, mopped the floors, vacuumed the carpets, took care of all the recyclables… I worked up a sweat, for real. I know, I’m always looking for shortcuts to fitness. 🙁 I guess I’ll be on the cereal diet for the next 8 days.

Ok, I am pooped. I went to a meetup dinner today– a new Asian ladies in Mountain View thing. Not too bad. I’m hoping one or two of them can be my karaoke or ukulele buddies. We’ll see. Too early to tell.

Crisis of Confidence

All the books on personal development and growth stress over and over again that confidence is everything. I have lived and understood this concept firsthand, and yet, some days my mindset is a real clusterfuck.

Since returning from Austin, I’ve been feeling especially tenuous, mentally. On one hand, I look around at a lot of the other agents, and I feel like my dedication is stronger and my method is more meticulous, more thorough, more careful, more intense. I know I’ll do a good job in facilitating any of the transactions. Other days, I get frustrated that so many months in, my leads still are not converting. I beat myself up for not being good enough, for being socially awkward/unpolished/inexperienced/etc. Why else don’t people want to work with me, right?

Then, John and I go socialize with other people, and I sometimes feel so self-conscious: I don’t watch their shows, I don’t drink their drinks, I’m unfamiliar with their hobbies, I don’t sync with their humor… and I dunno, what the hell can I contribute to the conversation?!?! By the end of it all, my self esteem is in the dumps. Like, why am I so boring? And when the hell am I going to fit in? When is this going to ever feel natural?

People close to me tell me I’m way too hard on myself. Maybe it is simply an issue of finding my tribe. For example, John’s tribe doesn’t have to be my tribe. But then that takes me back to my sphere of influence, whom I generally ping every month. Hundreds of people. Only a handful of replies much less leads. I feel exasperated, and my emotional state plummets further. Who does this? I mean, after an entire lifetime of being a social outcast/misfit, you’d think I’d be impervious to this crap. Apparently. not. Is it the influence of social media, creating this incessant craving for validation? It seems so ridiculously needy. SMH.

I’m trying to re-train my mindset to be more resilient, bc honestly, in this profession, I can’t afford the time nor the energy to keep getting down about this shit. That said, allow me to share my latest annoyance.

I reached out to my college roommate the other day. She’s the one who’s pretty much been a flakey friend ever since we were out of sight, out of mind and left school. Never kept in touch. I would send her gifts or notes or whatever. No reply. I found out on Facebook recently that she moved back to DC and had a second child. I suppose, that should have been an automatic drop. Erased from my life. But no. after the hurricanes, I emailed her to ask about her extended family in Puerto Rico. Partly bc I really wondered and hoped they were safe. And also bc my new profession tells me this is a relationship business as well as a numbers game. You have to reach a LOT of people. Maybe the lesson here is also that you have to qualify your leads. There’s no point beating a dead horse. Hmm. Mental note.

So anyway, now it is October 1. And I have to climb out from my stupid pity party and keep plugging. I need to dust myself off and rise again like the Phoenix. Haha.

Interestingly, I had a conversation last Thursday with another new agent. This dude is really inspiring. He is diligent about script practice, and he has all the different scenarios/scripts down. And beyond that, he has that confidence, that swagger. It’s helpful to see, bc when I watch/hear him deliver the scripts, that energy and momentum and charisma is undeniable. He is living proof that confidence is everything. So that is my hurdle I’m working to overcome. I need to build confidence, and I need more grit.

That agent, he actually shared a story from his childhood. He grew up dirt poor: he and his brother used to scavenge public areas for loose coins so they could pool the money and buy a McDonald’s hamburger to split. They were perpetually hungry. I know, it moves me to tears just thinking about people not having enough to eat… But the point of his share wasn’t to make me feel pity. His point was that everyone has his/her struggles and challenges. Bc he lived through that hardship and survived, this putting-himself-out-on-the-limb to be liked and to build rapport with strangers… it’s nothing. It’s just a game. If someone slams the door or hangs up the phone, who the fuck cares. He has lived through some real shit and that rejection is not going to break him.

It’s a good reminder for me. I mean, obviously, my life obstacles have been very different. But I see his point. I am strong. I have resolve. I know I will work hard and do a great job advocating for my clients. Rejection along the way will not break me.

New week kicks off tomorrow. Time to get my mindset straight again.