Monthly Archives: August 2017

Are You Sleeping?

Seriously, my father says the craziest shit. The other day, I woke up before 9am (like every day) and planned to call Johns Hopkins University Medical to make an appointment for mom to see the neurologist at their research center. Mind you, getting to this point has taken FORever, bc JHU wants to review her records before advising whom she should see. Now my mother’s records, bc they span various physicians in various states and countries, are in multiple forms: several photocopied pages of lab reports, doctor’s notes, plus CDs for which my father has originals only (and I can’t burn copies bc no one has a CD reader anymore), plus these latest notes from the doctor she saw while visiting in July. Bc of medical privacy issues, I am not able to request her docs and then when I tried to set up her online account, I ran in to issues that basically thwarted that access.

Long story short, it’s been over a month and the best I could get (unless she herself calls from Taiwan, which is NOT happening) was for the doctor to mail a copy of his notes to her home address in MD. Dad received those last week; he scanned them to me, and now I have most of her docs, minus the CDs. So I’m ready to call JHU.

So what happens that morning? Instead, my father calls me about 10:30 am, and he always asks me this when he calls anytime before noon. “Are you sleeping?” I mean, I get that he doesn’t think I work very hard, but dad, it’s 10:30. No, I’m not sleeping. WTF?!?!?!? I mean, some days I really wonder what it is he thinks we do. I’m, maybe I might be sleeping if I weren’t getting parental calls at all hours of the day, from my mom who can’t get the time zones right and from my father asking me to do logistics and research and travel planning and vendor calls and business emails and whatever the fuck else. Not to mention the mental stress of trying to figure out what the hell my parents are doing between here and Taiwan. Ugh. Anyway, I didn’t go into it with him, bc on this particular morning I was getting another fucking assignment.

The day prior, dad received some email from United announcing their latest round of fare sales. He did some research and found the exact flight/route for him to go back to Taiwan in October and return in November. Now, like I’ve said a gabillion times before: NOTHING for my family is ever straightforward or easy. Here he thought I would just do a couple of clicks here and there and bam, travel arrangements would be done and I could go back to my nice little nap.

Well, I won’t bore you with the minutiae, but basically, he insisted on a very specific flight leg out via Tokyo (not SFO) and his return needed to match up with a return flight for my mother. Oh, and btw, he has a flight voucher he wants to use and for mom, he wants to do one-way with awards. Blah, blah, blah, Almost TWO HOURS later after having multiple windows open to view both of their accounts separately and after researching various flight dates and one-way/round trip/award flights from November through February to get his price point, PLUS two phone calls to customer service discussing terms and conditions for using the voucher, I FINALLY get the itineraries set. Jesus Fucking Christ. Not that I had ANYTHING to do that morning before my lunch with a prospect.

John heard me on the phone back and forth with dad and customer service and he was like, what the heck is going on? Dude. You have no fucking idea. And then he just said, well, that’s how you’re gonna be when you’re that age, esp with the price hunting and coupons. Ouch.

I mean, fine. I’ll give you that there is an OUNCE of truth to that: I am hardcore about my deals and that’s why I’m good at executing these insanely tedious tasks. But shit. I ain’t ever delegating that level of complexity. Once I’m unable to get ‘er done, it ain’t getting done. I’m not subjecting other people to 90+ minutes of back and forth bullshit.

I suppose on the bright side, I learned a lot about United travel credits and award miles. The credits do NOT apply to codeshare flights, and the award points rarely apply to the route through Tokyo. Honestly though, is it so damn difficult and inconvenient for my parents to just tie the Taiwan trip in with a stop over in SFO for a few days??? Parents. I swear they make NO sense. SMH.

Deciphering Family

Well I got ahold of my mother finally, using the LINE account of my aunt. Yep, nothing is ever straightforward with my family. Whether it’s an email account or cell phone account, shit is shared and chaperoned to death. Anyway, after speaking with dad and hearing that my aunt is like bathing mom and shampooing her hair, I was prepared for like some super confused, jumbled conversation. Not the case. Mom is sharper, more lucid, and more engaged than ever. WTF is going on? On one hand, dad is telling me he and auntie observe mom getting worse. On the other hand, she sounds happier, spirited, and actually fine.

She stopped taking the western meds, but not bc my brother kept telling her so. Rather, she was having incontinence issues plus random hot flashes/sweating fits. She stopped the meds, and those symptoms immediately went away. The doctors say those symptoms are not side effects of those meds, but I dunno: she put 2 and 2 together and there appears to be some connection for her.

So now my conclusion is that dad and auntie are just overprotective over-coddlers. When I asked mom about the bathing, I was like, what is going on? I saw you in July and you were fine washing yourself. You need to still do your own activities. She says she just feels much cleaner and better when auntie bathes her. Ok, fine have her do it maybe once a week but everyday? You’re not an invalid. Yeah, I’m all about the tough love.

I wonder if my father, in his current state of paralysis, is just overwhelmed by too many thoughts. I know it’s important for him to feel useful and needed; otherwise, he doesn’t feel purpose. I can relate to that. But mom is clearly happy in Taiwan and enjoying the increased socialization and interactions– something she simply does not get when she’s home in Maryland with dad, who is a homebody. I’m sure there’s some bit of FOMO, like she is getting on just fine without him. Second, I do think my brother has made Taiwan somewhat toxic for dad (and me). It’s just too close proximity and as it is, J is still emailing dad all this hyperbaric oxygen chamber shit that he himself is doing on the regular… Jesus Christ. As if we need J to be preserved forever, Tom Cruise style. SMH.

Finally, I think my dad feels most successful in the US. Even though it has never felt like home, he is ultimately a workaholic by nature. He is most comfortable when he is doing something productive or efficient… and here he has his fingers into a million things: stocks, real estate, etc. So I’m not sure when the two parents in one place thing is going to take hold. It’s frustrating for me, bc I don’t like my dad being alone. He is quite self-sufficient, but I still worry if healthwise something happens and I mean, he can probably go for too many days without leaving the house. To his credit, he has started walking again– morning and night and he actually made Labor Day plans to visit his BFF in Ohio. I’m just a worry wart, I guess.

Meanwhile, I have booked my own trip for end of October to Taiwan. I really can’t believe we are already nearly into September. I’m kinda disappointed by all the time I lost from being sick, but spilled milk, right? I’m still not 100% but good enough to be back at the office hustling for open houses. 🙂

Tears of Pain

I’ve been really sick the last 48 hours. What I thought to be a simple sore throat on Tuesday turned into a full blown throat infection that fucked up my face, not to mention my breathing, eating, drinking, and speech. Fucking A. I was so excited to work this weekend, bc I got a killer open house two miles from home. Friday night, I hosted it open and I was already feeling uncomfortable but man, on Saturday, I woke up and my throat was like partially blocked from all the swelling. Everytime I swallowed, my face winced in pain. Oh god, it was awful. I called the advice nurse and she suggested I go in to see the doctor. I mean, seriously. The pain was so bad, I was crying and nothing gave me relief. I tried icing, all that honey/lemon, ACV, hot water, cold water… everything. I was so pissed I had to cancel the open house. But shit man, it was a good thing I did bc the following 24 hrs before the penicillin kicked in was even worse.

The doctor didn’t see white spots on my throat but he definitely noticed the swelling and said antibiotics would be his method of treatment regardless of whether it swabbed positive for strep. I’ve never had a sore throat on just ONE SIDE. So weird. My self-diagnosis seemed to suggest some form of tonsillitis but I dunno, the doc didn’t say anything. He didn’t seem that worried, but shit man, my speech was slurred and everything. He said if I didn’t see improvement by Monday, I’d have to go to the emergency room. Great.

So Saturday all day I was in bed, crying from the pain. It hurt so damn bad to swallow. I was all jacked up on Advil plus the antibiotics. I had planned a short getaway for us to Lodi wine country to celebrate our 21st anniversary of togetherness. All canceled. I swear I get sick at the most inconvenient times. So yeah, slept all through Saturday and most of today. But just like clockwork, I felt noticeably better at the 24-hr mark. Thank fucking goodness for western meds. The face swelling went down and I was able to eat Bubbey’s homemade chicken soup. Whew. It was really  bad.

Then dad called and he had some weird heart palpitations on Friday, so he went to the doctor. He did the heart monitoring and will get results on Tuesday or Wednesday. Doctor said it was some idiopathic benign erithmea or something. Meanwhile, dad is dragging ass still on updating the living will and establishing the advance directives. I got all frustrated with him: it’s clearly paralysis from overwhelm, but it’s like he can’t even communicate to me what needs to be done so I can help. It’s super frustrating. He says mom’s condition is worse and now his sister (my aunt) is bathing her and washing her hair. WTF? I mean, I just saw mom in July. Are they over-coddling? This makes no sense. And if she indeed needs that much care, why aren’t they applying for the professional help? He is unable to explain clearly to me why these decisions are playing out this way. So I contact the American consulate to inquire about advanced directives… and whether there is something equivalent there. No answer except for a list of English-speaking doctors. Fine, so no number and I email one of the docs. Everything takes so long to find the goddamn answer.

I call my mom and no one answers the fucking phone. Call my aunt. Text her on Line (mobile app). No reply. This is what I’m saying; how the fuck are we living in 2017 and it takes like 24 hrs to reach someone??? Ridiculous. Meanwhile, stupid brother keeps emailing dad all this hyperbaric oxygen chamber shit. Ugh. I just can’t take his bullshit anymore. Seriously. Get the hell out of our lives already, you useless POS.

Tomorrow is Monday again. Another weekend lost and an endless list of shit to do. Oh well. Grateful to be better today. I’ll just have to get to the other shit one by one. Anniversary weekend in Lodi moved to next weekend. Maybe I need to ease up on the work just a little. Work smarter not harder and all that. Sigh. Tired again. Time for bed.

Troubling Times

Well, it seems that while I have had my head mostly buried in Silicon Valley real estate, the world has continued to descend farther and farther into chaos. I’ve never truly been an optimist and yet, each and every day, I am appalled by this downward spiral that just keeps getting more and more egregious. People are speaking out, and I am grateful to those, esp those who are privileged and white, for calling things out. Whether we like it or not, there are dynamics of power at play. And though it’s important for all to speak out, not all actors exert the same influence and impact.

I’m very tired these days (and now I’m coming down with a sore throat), but I still have thoughts. I don’t feel a need to write my own as I think many of us are on the same page. So I’m going to re-post what this stylist/blogger I follow has to say. All of us who don’t work in politics or social justice directly, we can oftentimes put on our blinders and go about our daily lives. But things are happening. We are witnessing incredibly scary times right now and as much passion as we have for our work, we have to remember that we are a part of something larger. There is a fire burning within us– for work/family/whatever AND for things beyond that, for things beyond our microcosms of complacency and comfort. The terror has got to stop: Society must be intolerant of intolerance.

From the Style by Emily Henderson Blog: My Thoughts on White Supremacy and Last Weekend.

Ain’t About that Life

So J’s youngest sister S turned 40 this week and last weekend she had a big bash. The key takeaways from her party? 1. She is one helluva woman. Lots of friends. Surrounded by lots of love. She’s incredibly generous and gracious and that is reflected by the tremendous turnout. 2. I ain’t about that party life.

First, I was nervous enough about attending a party in the city. What can I say, I’m a sheltered suburban princess who is getting softer by the minute. Blame the overly protective parents and privileged upbringing. Blame living in Mountain View. I dunno. Naturally, the party was held at a bar… another unfamiliar setting for me. Yes, I’m over 40 but I can admit that bars and lounges have just never really been my setting. But whatever, it wasn’t my bday, it wasn’t my shindig, so what the heck, I just sucked up the discomfort and went.

So the thing is, I am all about the social awkwardness and discomfort. I mean, I have done my fair share of striking up conversations with strangers, right? Door-knocking, flyering, standing outside the Whole Foods, whatever… I tried REALLY hard to have conversations with strangers at the party. They did not go well. I mean, I survived and I can force myself through ANYTHING, but the final note was not a good one. I somehow got trapped talking to a dude who was super preachy. Honestly, at first, I thought we would be on the same page bc he was all into the leadership guru philosophies: you know, have passion, be open minded, live and grow, etc. He’s a life coach, btw. But as the conversation continued, I got an earful of preachiness. Holy cow. I said I was tired and kinda talked out— ready to go home. By that point (Saturday evening 11:30pm), I had spoken to maybe 50 people that day. I had hosted an open house earlier that day and it was especially busy, with over 40 people coming through. Then you know, I was trying to be social at the bday bash. I talked to a LOT of people. Well apparently, being tired and exhausted from people interaction was not the right mindset. I got a talking to about my bad attitude and my shitty perspective. Then I was told that I should go to Burning Man, bc it’s not at all about drugs or sex… it’s just about love. Pure. love. Um, okay…

I’m glad we went to the party, bc this was an occasion to celebrate S. But man, for as many uncomfortable social situations I have been in, I have never so consistently felt out of place and awkward as that night. I kept trying to decipher whether the mismatch was due to city dwellers vs. suburbanites, introverts vs. extroverts, single people vs. partnered people, under 40 vs. over 40, nerdy people vs. cool people… I dunno. I just could not figure it out. But definitely, I ain’t about that life. Holy crap, the worlds were colliding.

Also, it was a wig party. Now given my history with Sasha Fierce, you’d think I’d be all up in that fake hair shit. I tried my best to be in the mood. But then that fake head of hair was itchy and hot as hell. You know me and my sensitive skin. Back to my bubble, pronto!! 🙂

Feeling Irked

Well, you know the way I roll: there’s no sugarcoating from me! Today was a shit day. OMFG. Yesterday, I actually took the day off, bc J’s eldest sister came to town for his youngest sister’s 40th blowout weekend. J had been asking whether I was going to spend the day with him and E in Sonoma, and I was hemming and hawing… Why? Bc like I’ve been saying: I am in startup mode. I am in that phase where I don’t want to eat and I don’t want to pee. I just want to focus on work. Now, I know that any normal human being would really jump at the chance to hit up wine country for a day: I mean, gorgeous setting, fine wine, delicious food, great company… what moron would even have to give this two seconds’ thought?  What can I say, I am a rare bird. The fear of losing out on potential opportunities to build my business eats at me. Maybe it’s an irrational fear. I dunno, but I have to succeed at this. As I have been reiterating all along: this is my last chance at success.

Needless to say, I did take a step back on Tuesday night to re-examine my mental position on all of this. And one good thing about me is that I have self-awareness and I’m willing to call myself out on that shit. I see that my work obsession is not healthy and obviously, I know (via my parents) that work intensity has serious social/family consequences down the road. So, I decided to just chill the fuck out for a day and do Sonoma with J and E on Thursday.

Indeed, it was a great day. We did so much: ate insanely tasty foods, enjoyed the slower pace, the beautiful rustic scenery… I’m so glad I spent the day with them. That said, it made for a LONG day, and after I got home, my THIRD laptop had delivered and needed setting up. Just a quick debrief on the tech situation: As you know, my Acer laptop (4 y/o) crapped out during my first transaction in July. I then purchased an HP Envy 13. I loved it but then the audio kept blipping out. I spent a lot of time troubleshooting– uninstalled, reinstalled, blah, blah. HP said to ship it back for repair for 10 business days. In order to still have a working computer, I purchased a second HP thinking I could move my files to the new one and just return the defective one. After I got the second HP all set up, I experienced the same exact problem as with the first HP– defective audio component. That really fucked my confidence in the brand and the model. So then I wiped the second one back to factory settings and returned. I then ordered a Dell XPS 13.

Long story short, I was up until 1am last night setting up the new Dell: installing all my extra software, setting up email, bookmarks, Office, etc. Everything was done except that I could NOT get Microsoft OneDrive to work. With all my laptop woes, I had moved all my work files to the cloud, and OneDrive was my go-to tool. I’d been using and loving it since July. But I could not get it to sync on the new machine! I spent hours with online troubleshooting. WTF?!?!? OneDrive worked fine on my HP. Finally, I went to bed. Up early again the next day and still no resolution. OMFG. Why is this happening?

I proceeded to spend another 2 hours this morning on the phone with Dell then with Costco tech support. Dell had me “register” the new machine for like 30 minutes only to learn that they wouldn’t provide free support for software issues. They kept trying to upsell me on some tech package. SMH. I was really at the end of my rope this morning. Finally, I wiped the new computer operating system to start again.

Then I went to the office, taking my HP. At the office, as I was trying to print out my open house files, OneDrive suddenly stopped working for the HP. WTF is going on today? I look online and turns out OneDrive had been down for the last 24 hours. ARGH!!!! And I had already wiped all my work on the Dell. Seriously. It was one of those days.

Then, I had a colleague who’s been clamoring to go door knocking together. She’s scared to go door knocking, bc she thinks people will abduct her into their home. Yes. Meanwhile, she’ll readily host open houses ALONE and not worry about her safety then. Makes no sense. Whatever, I tell her I’m going door knocking/flyering today and she can join. She ends up bailing and then I don’t get to the open house until late. I had already printed out so many flyers. So, in 15 minutes before my house was set to open, I hit up like 15 houses on the same street. Then, the open house began…

I got about six parties. I worked with a new lender whom I met recently. She’s a Vietnamese loan officer with US Bank, and we get along really well. I’m thinking she’s going to be my new go-to co-host. We talk about everything: real estate, loans, makeup, shoes, bags, purse organizers… the whole shebang. Funny thing: she remarked last weekend that she has co-hosted open houses with so many agents and she has NEVER met someone who has an Open House Kit. She likes that I’m organized. Also, I earned some big time props last weekend for co-hosting an open house in Seven Trees, San Jose. Before my house (with the bathroom debacle), I was helping my colleague open up a fixer upper in a shady part of town… So I was telling this loan officer how it was a major dump. Turns out, she is familiar with the area bc her father lives near there. She told me today: “Girl, if you are hosting places like that in the ghetto, you are definitely low maintenance.” Haha, music to my ears. Of course, I was very nervous and uncomfortable the whole time. You see, I had seen the pics of the dive beforehand and knew it was bad, but then I was trying not to be all “princessy.” Shit, when I arrived on site and walked up to the house, I could have sworn the place was being occupied by squatters. SMH. Never again, I tell you.

Tomorrow, I’m hosting the same 3/2 ranch home I hosted last weekend. The owner just lowered the price $25k. Hope I get some buyers for it.

Love isn’t a Fantasyland

Wow, I just came across this very insightful post (but kinda ignore the title…), and I love it's brutal truth. In honesty, I believe it applies to all love: family, friendship, AND romantic.

The thing is, the pain you cause each other is rooted in beauty on some level. Because the more you love someone, the more vulnerable you are to them.

Marvels of Medicine

Well another busy week has come and gone. After my candid camera open house incident last Saturday, I hopped a red eye to Wilmington NC to help my childhood friend with her knee replacement surgery.

Long story short, the good news is that surgery went well, and she is already up and moving with the help of a walker. I mean, the entire knee except for the patella was replaced so to me, what another fucking marvel of modern medicine. I was worried at first about her getting the procedure done in small town Wilmington but as it turned out, the hospital staff were incredibly nice and with Wilmington being a big retirement spot, lots of knee replacements are getting done! She seemed to be in very capable hands.

The downside of this trip was basically the realities of adulting. When you're a working professional without a spouse, without many close friends, plus you don't have a workable relationship with your mother, shit gets real real fast.

N is probably my longest friend but she has quirks that make her difficult, esp when she is under excruciating pain and you're a caretaking newb… Man, I was losing my own damn patience, of which there was very little in the first place. Honestly, some days I think it's a shitty deal to be a responsible doer kind of personality. I mean, look at my brother. All he has to ever care or worry about is himself. Doesn't even have to provide tech support, buy plane tickets, call vendors and contractors, research random things, provide any kind of help or support to anyone. And he just skates on by…. Fucking bastard. Oh well. My life is what it is. I'm privileged and lucky on so many other levels. Interestingly, my father shared a Chinese saying the last time they were here: the one who is most competent does the most. I have seen how this plays out with my father and his marriage and family. Sigh.

Anyway, I'm relieved N's surgery went well and it was good to be there as a buffer between her and her mother. I, of all people, understand that. I know too that it meant a lot to have me there, bc N was anxious. Still, eventually, I had to go home, and now she and her mother are left to figure recovery out together.

The whole thing just really highlighted for me how much a spouse contributes to a relationship. I mean, having a partner in life isn't just all about the good times. There are situations where you really need help and support, and so this trip made me see that all those compromises I sometimes complain about… they are worth it bc ultimately, love is a beautiful thing. It requires a shit ton of work so I won't say it's a gift that just gets handed to you, but there is so much comfort and security in knowing that someone really has your back during your most vulnerable moments. Even with all the good friends that I have, I can say with certainly that few people can really fill that space in urgent times of need. I used to always say friends are the family we choose for ourselves. That's only partially true. Sure, friends are helpful and wonderful assisting with the day to day but man, when health problems and life/death shit come into play, it's a different beast. I can use myself as an example. I'm super great friends with J&J, but when they wanted us to be custodians for their kid should anything happen, I declined. That's just not something I'm going to take on. I mean, if I'm not willing to take on kids for my own parents, I'm not going to do it for friends. I guess that really highlights how there are still differences and limits.

I was eager to help N but thankfully, it was a very short period… From her perspective, she definitely could have used more help, you know? Anyway, the recovery is going to be a bitch. She definitely has a very long road ahead. She's off work for a month. Her rental apartment is on the second floor of an old Victorian house. The stairs are crazy narrow and uneven. Thankfully, her mother's house is all one level and there is enough space… but they might just drive each other bonkers. I dunno. It will just have to be worked out.

Meanwhile, in vanity news, my face is all kinds of breaking out. The cysts are back. Of course I got shit sleep while I was in NC. It was seriously like being back in the hospital with my grandfather when he fell. There was minimal down time. Between the constant discomfort requiring adjustments or meds or water or icing or re-propping of pillows and towels… there was a lot going on. Maybe if I had kids, all of this would be NBD. I mean, obviously N's the one going through the thick of it but fuck man, caretaking really kinda sucked.

I'm now on my flight back home. I'm beat, but I'm slated for another open house this weekend. Like I said, I'm still in that mode where I just can't be bothered to chill the fuck out. Not yet.

Candid Camera Strikes Again

Before my flight out to North Carolina on Saturday night, I hosted an open house in Santa Clara…

What can I say, it was bound to happen: I got a bad tummy ache and had to use the bathroom pronto at my vacant and staged open house. The toilet clogged, and I had no suitable tools. After using a bent up cardboard sign without success, I had only one option right before the doors were set to open. It was NBD thanks to my solid waste engineering background… That said, the problem did NOT resolve.

Then, I had to wait three hours for my open house to end before going next door (the seller lives there) to ask for a plunger. Instead of the old grandpa guy coming to the door, the seller's Dave Navarro son answered. He was chill about my request, but seriously, where are the hidden cameras?!?😫

The plunger resolved the problem but man, what a day! #siliconvalleyrealestate #shithappens Literally. #donttouchthetowels JK!