Seriously, my father says the craziest shit. The other day, I woke up before 9am (like every day) and planned to call Johns Hopkins University Medical to make an appointment for mom to see the neurologist at their research center. Mind you, getting to this point has taken FORever, bc JHU wants to review her records before advising whom she should see. Now my mother’s records, bc they span various physicians in various states and countries, are in multiple forms: several photocopied pages of lab reports, doctor’s notes, plus CDs for which my father has originals only (and I can’t burn copies bc no one has a CD reader anymore), plus these latest notes from the doctor she saw while visiting in July. Bc of medical privacy issues, I am not able to request her docs and then when I tried to set up her online account, I ran in to issues that basically thwarted that access.
Long story short, it’s been over a month and the best I could get (unless she herself calls from Taiwan, which is NOT happening) was for the doctor to mail a copy of his notes to her home address in MD. Dad received those last week; he scanned them to me, and now I have most of her docs, minus the CDs. So I’m ready to call JHU.
So what happens that morning? Instead, my father calls me about 10:30 am, and he always asks me this when he calls anytime before noon. “Are you sleeping?” I mean, I get that he doesn’t think I work very hard, but dad, it’s 10:30. No, I’m not sleeping. WTF?!?!?!? I mean, some days I really wonder what it is he thinks we do. I’m, maybe I might be sleeping if I weren’t getting parental calls at all hours of the day, from my mom who can’t get the time zones right and from my father asking me to do logistics and research and travel planning and vendor calls and business emails and whatever the fuck else. Not to mention the mental stress of trying to figure out what the hell my parents are doing between here and Taiwan. Ugh. Anyway, I didn’t go into it with him, bc on this particular morning I was getting another fucking assignment.
The day prior, dad received some email from United announcing their latest round of fare sales. He did some research and found the exact flight/route for him to go back to Taiwan in October and return in November. Now, like I’ve said a gabillion times before: NOTHING for my family is ever straightforward or easy. Here he thought I would just do a couple of clicks here and there and bam, travel arrangements would be done and I could go back to my nice little nap.
Well, I won’t bore you with the minutiae, but basically, he insisted on a very specific flight leg out via Tokyo (not SFO) and his return needed to match up with a return flight for my mother. Oh, and btw, he has a flight voucher he wants to use and for mom, he wants to do one-way with awards. Blah, blah, blah, Almost TWO HOURS later after having multiple windows open to view both of their accounts separately and after researching various flight dates and one-way/round trip/award flights from November through February to get his price point, PLUS two phone calls to customer service discussing terms and conditions for using the voucher, I FINALLY get the itineraries set. Jesus Fucking Christ. Not that I had ANYTHING to do that morning before my lunch with a prospect.
John heard me on the phone back and forth with dad and customer service and he was like, what the heck is going on? Dude. You have no fucking idea. And then he just said, well, that’s how you’re gonna be when you’re that age, esp with the price hunting and coupons. Ouch.
I mean, fine. I’ll give you that there is an OUNCE of truth to that: I am hardcore about my deals and that’s why I’m good at executing these insanely tedious tasks. But shit. I ain’t ever delegating that level of complexity. Once I’m unable to get ‘er done, it ain’t getting done. I’m not subjecting other people to 90+ minutes of back and forth bullshit.
I suppose on the bright side, I learned a lot about United travel credits and award miles. The credits do NOT apply to codeshare flights, and the award points rarely apply to the route through Tokyo. Honestly though, is it so damn difficult and inconvenient for my parents to just tie the Taiwan trip in with a stop over in SFO for a few days??? Parents. I swear they make NO sense. SMH.


