Earlier this month, J and I headed to Nashville for a long weekend meeting up with my college bud J and his girlfriend M. In my head, I’ve always likened my friend J to Steve Carrell’s character in The 40-Year Old Virgin, bc he was such a cool guy and yet he had never really had a gf. I mean, he definitely has his peculiarities and certain obsessions, but really, who among us doesn’t? For some period, his college roommate, also a friend of mine, suggested that maybe J was gay or asexual, but I knew that simply wasn’t true. How and why? Bc J crushed big time on MY college roommate back in the day.

Anyway, through the years, I would sometimes broach the subject of dating, but he never seemed in a hurry. I wondered if maybe he was just one of those guys who treasured his independence and freedom. After all, sometimes I still yearn for those days when you really just do whatever the fuck you want.

Fast forward 30+ years after college, and J is dating (and moving in soon) with a wonderful woman. Always the adventurous traveler, J joined a backpacking group over a year ago and befriended none other than the head organizer. To me, it’s just magical to see that someone as quirky and as unique as J has found a match! They get along so well: she’s super positive and practically bubbly and that complements his cynicism and sarcasm. She’s also adventurous and fearless; he’s adventurous but more risk-averse and cautious. It’s a nice melding of two extremes.

And I have to say: to all those people who always tell me people just don’t change. I disagree. People DO change, but they change for different reasons and under different circumstances. I always knew J to be uber tidy and obsessive about his environment. Everything had its specific place. Everything was meticulous. On the flip side, M is much messier, more spontaneous. Whenever J and I ate a meal, he was like THE slowest eater ever. My friends and I used to joke that he counted the number of chews before swallowing each bite. This trip, he mostly kept pace, and you know Bubs and I scarf our meals down like a team of Hoover vacuums. There were other changes:

• J is a strong introvert, and the thought of being later in the queue on a Southwest flight (based on how soon you check-in online) is a stressful situation. On our trip, when it was time to check in for their return flight to Boston, he was totally ready, like minutes in advance, right. Meanwhile, M was super casual and free. She fumbled around loading the app and was bumbling around figuring out how to check in, while J was super eager to get the job done. In any other scenario, the lack of readiness would have bothered him. But M laughed and teased and that really diffused his uptightness.
• I remember too that when we were in Miami, he NEVER wanted me to take pictures. M is all about photos, and she loves cheesy posed pics too: she asks him to pose and he always obliges.
• Oh and another thing: J is kinda a germaphobe. Like I said, he is very clean. Well, they told us this story about him getting her a bone box. You see, she’s an environmentalist by profession and by hobby. She works for an environmental agency issuing permits, and like I mentioned, she leads those backpacking groups. She also leads birding and naturalist classes for the local community education program. She also hikes and runs A LOT outside of all those activities. (Yes, J and I got another huge reminder this trip that we are out of shape and something needs to change. Seriously, we had like no stamina and energy, esp in the Tennessee heat.) Anyway, back to the story: As a birder and naturalist, M has all kinds of taxidermy critters and animal skulls. So for her bday, J got her a bone box, which is essentially a container into which you place an animal body part and beetles come into the box and pick the bone clean. So the story is that she obtained a bear head, and she put the frozen head into the bone box. But bc she set the box up off the ground a bit, the beetles couldn’t get in, so the whole thing turned into a nasty rotting mess. The solution? She got J to help her boil the thing in a big cauldron outside to then tear off the flesh. And J helped her with all of this!!! It’s pretty dang amazing. I mean, who do you know who would help someone boil a fleshy bear skull?!?! That’s what I mean! The things we do for love. SMH.

He’s still the same person, just a freer, more relaxed, and happier version. And I think watching them reminds me of my relationship with John. I have always been a control freak, and we’ve certainly had some very bumpy roads in our path together, but in the end, I know that relinquishing some of my control and uptightness made me a more balanced and adjusted person. If it weren’t for Bubs, I would be so much more serious and rigid and unyielding: I would be fighting so many more battles on so many fronts, bc I would never let things go.

I’m really thrilled for my friend J. And I will say: M is a big time doer, which I really like. I mean, I can see how she balances J out, and he’s in a good place. She gives his introverted self that extra boost to get out of his head and do things. Another plus: by the time John and I got to the airport for our flight home, I received a link to a Google Photos album with amazing pictures from our weekend. Haha, I could get used to this level of effortless travel. 🙂