I gotta admit: anxiety is a strange beast. I mean, I always have some chronic level of anxiety: honestly, I feel it’s just a part of life when you’re an over thinker and/or a perfectionist. There is always something to worry about and obsess over bc shit’s just not quite right.

It’s funny though bc even though I identify as an over thinker, I don’t really consider myself a perfectionist. That’s a totally separate thing, and given my nonchalance about the details of our home reno, I do feel I have a certain freedom that perfectionists don’t necessarily have. Like the old shower tile work wasn’t completely straight but heck, I never even noticed until now… like seven years later. We ran out of floor tile and another box of it was on backorder for months, so we just substituted a similar but DIFFERENT tile for underneath the vanity. It’s covered up anyway.

And I kinda do hacks/shortcuts like this all the time. Just yesterday, I had my first homebuying class right? I wore my new CAbi jumpsuit with my Vince Camuto peep toe booties. My feet are looking rough these days. I just haven’t been doing my usual home pedis. So my toes were looking bad. And my event was set to start in one hour. My solution? I put on my shoes and just painted the exposed toes. Yeah, I couldn’t even be bothered to polish the ring and pinky toes on my feet. Oh well, that’s just going to have to do. And I do nutty shit like that all the time. I had this bedazzled necklace on a fabric backing that just would NOT lay flat. I kept re-tying it to get it right, but it just kept folding over itself, so fuck it: I pulled a Donald Trump tie trick. That’s right: I got a piece of packing tape, doubled it into a loop, and voila, that mofo stayed flat against my shirt. Of course, as the day wore on and the tie/sash loosened, that middle medallion sat nonsensically perfectly positioned. What can I say: I gotta pick and choose my battles, man.

So the thing I’ve noticed in the last several weeks is that anxiety compounds itself. I got so wound up over everything that 24 hrs later, I am still trying to fully decompress. It’s like my body got used to the elevated stress and then almost forgot how to come back down from it.

Right now I’m en route to Nashville, and it’s funny but my college bud’s girlfriend is an uber planner, so I am just showing up. I mean, overall, I enjoy travel planning, esp bc I have my process down, but every now and then, I certainly appreciate the luxury of just showing up. Seriously, after we settled on the dates MONTHS ago, she researched and booked lodging, car, and created a Google docs filled with things to do. I didn’t have to coordinate with the AirBnb lady. No searching things to do on TripAdvisor or any of the travel guides. Bam, it’s already done. Thank goodness, bc I have been maxed out and would not have made time for it on my plate.

In other news, my bathroom reno is still happening. It’s SO frustrating but essentially, after we selected our GC, we thought the only piece he was going to outsource was plumbing. However, after the project got underway, he ended up outsourcing electrical, tile work, painting… I ended up using our gardener’s brother bc he was available sooner and I wanted to try him out, but that has turned out disappointing too. He works full time and then does our stuff after hours, and things have just dragged on bc he can’t come every day. The interplay def has not been optimal and I’m super frustrated by it but I am learning for the future. Construction project management is only good when you have a well-oiled army of good, reliable, punctual contractors. That’s what it all boils down to. I had to ride my painter already and it was not comfortable, and now I know for next time that I want a very specific schedule breakdown and calendar of availability. Sure, it’s not the end of the world, but a month plus was just way longer than I had allotted in my mind. Right now, we should be done by the end of next week. Ugh. I just want to put crap away into the new vanity and remove all that junk lying around my bedroom floor.

Meanwhile, our friends recently got their master bath majorly re-done. The project dragged on for months and months. Finally, it was done and they enjoyed their new monster bathtub several times, only to discover water leaks three floors down in the garage. And no one knows why that is happening but clearly, the new bathroom is the culprit and all that beautiful new chevron porcelain tile is gonna have to come out. Major shit. Plumbing problems are THE worst. For a split second, I entertained the idea of being a female plumber. I figured solid waste engineering already prepped me for the conditions, but nope. Too many problems with water damage. I’m out.

What else. Oh, I attended a CAbi networking event on Monday. My friend T had suggested at the host party that I should become a CAbi stylist. It’s basically a Pampered Chef but with clothes. Frankly, I’m already knee-deep in the throes of a sales job and I’m already overwhelmed. But, I got invited to the event and I figured it would be another opportunity to meet new people. It was ok, and I always like learning about organizations where women are entrepreneurial and you know, flourishing in business. Still, those multilevel marketing programs are just hard for me to accept. I like the clothes. I do think they are much nicer worn than hanging on display, but I mean, I’m almost exclusively a second-hand clothing woman now. I just don’t value clothes enough to pay $80-$100 for a blouse and $130+ for jeans or pants. Since the hosted party event I attended last month, I found CAbi stuff on Schoola and Thredup, so I’ve been acquiring more pieces– just not at full price. Regardless, it was an ok event and I made some new connections. But shit, I am tired.