Monthly Archives: May 2017

Getting Warmer

On Friday, I dropped by the local BOA branch to check in on one of the lenders with whom I’ve been partnering. She’s the sweetest lady, a total pro in the business, and she had sent a referral when I was in Nashville. I stopped by to invite her to lunch as a thank you for thinking of me. She’s a cool lady, who’s in between my age and my parents’ age. I enjoyed geting to know her, and it’s nice too to meet someone who acknowleges my fire and really wants to help me succeed. I have been feeling pretty good about building my lender relationships: this was a strategy my coach recommended from the get go, and I have been sticking to a routine with regular check-ins and follow throughs, and the seeds are finally starting to grow.

On Saturday, while Bubs and I were out, I got a call from a young Asian couple, referred by none other than my lender M!! They were so polite and pleasant. We talked about what they were seeking, their timeline, and I booked a meeting for Monday morning. Yes, it is the Memorial Day holiday but I’m a hustler. I was feeling good that things were looking up. Incidentally, the German family from my neighborhood who attended my homebuying class also reached out on Friday and said they were ready to resume their homebuying process. I booked them for a meeting on Tuesday.

So on Sunday, I was feeling the fire growing in my belly. We had my long lost buddy T over for brunch. J and I met his new gf for the first time. They are an older couple, but it’s so nice to again, see a good fit. Both super fit and active and into birding and nature. There is just something to having interests and activities and knowing how to have fun. I really wish my parents understood and embraced that secret.

Anyway, we had a lovely brunch at the houseboat. At the same time, I was also test trialing a new Rover client. She’s an excellent dog, and basically, the day was going awesome. How’s that for some positivity? In the afternoon, I was planning to preview some homes bc I wanted to have a better sense for the areas my Monday couple were keen on. J and I toured some places. I got some good ideas. And actually, some of the places I was touring might be a good match for ANOTHER family in my current neighborhoood. Yeah, you see, on Friday, another neighbor I, whose sister was thinking about exploring real estate back when I was just starting the classes, she reached out and said her parents are downsizing in MD and thinking to move out here. Yeah, I have even met her parents before when they were out visiting and walking their dogs. They are pretty much on a similar trajectory as my parents… immigrants from Taiwan, settled in MD (not far from John’s family), always optimizing tax stuff, debating where to settle for retirement… So yeah, as you can see, I’ve got a few things thawing… and it all kinda came in the last two weeks.

So now we are at Monday morning. I had some anxiety last night about my inaugural buyer consult this morning: the usual sleeplessness and bowel issues. But I got cleaned up and ready to go. Well, on my drive into the office (I was headed there an hour early to mentally prepare), the sweet couple called and canceled. They had dinner last night with the parentals and they will use the mother’s realtor friend. I was in the car, and I mean, there was no hiding my disappointment. I was absolutely crushed bc I was finally feeling like the tide was turning after all these months of work. But after my 10 secs of stun, I remembered to be gracious. I said that if anything changed, I hope they would consider me and I am excited for them on this journey ahead.  Then I started to drive home, and on the way, I called Bubs and started to cry.

Failure again! Poor me, blah, blah. But then I got off the phone and dug deep. This is how the business works.  I can’t be crying and calling off the whole day bc of a setback. So I turned the car around again and decided to head to the office anyway to talk with my coach. I still have a meeting tomorrow with the German family to prepare for. And along the drive, I thought back to that conversation with the Asian couple. I should have fought more for it rather than just accept their choice. When I arrived at the office, I called them back. I said that I respected their decision, but sometimes realtors have different personalities and communication styles, so what works for their parents might not mesh for them. I’m happy to meet to get to know them better and share my style and then they can decide. They were very kind and said they would meet with the other agent first and contact me again if that didn’t work out. And that was that. I did my best to fight for it. We’ll see how tomorrow goes.

Trip Home

I forgot to update on our short trip home last weekend. What can I say: I still always feel some element of dread when I’m about to see my parents. It’s like a constant reminder of how to live life differently. Not in all ways, but in many ways. 

My father made some progress geting rid of stuff. And actually, his former office manager came to the house on Sunday with her kids and a huge trailer to haul off my old bedroom furniture and some new twin mattresses from the basement. I was glad that they turned out to be serious/actual takers and our stuff is going to be used. But I got so overwhelmed by it all, even just cleaning out my bedroom in prep for them to take the furniture. I mean, there’s like 35 years worth of stuff in that house. Nathalie drove up from NC for the weekend and helped, but she could see that it was too much for me. She reiterated the same things John has said: don’t waste your remaining time fighting and arguing with them about downsizing logistics. After they are gone, you will have full control over how to get shit done. It’s so true, and yet the clutter and stuff just stresses me out. N also commented about how old my parents are getting. It’s been probably seven years since she saw them, and I mean, obviously they are a much frailer version of their former selves.

And my mother is not well. Dad has been wanting to stimulate her brain with Chinese puzzles and games, but she is kinda beyond that now. We tried playing Chinese checkers and she kept playing a turn when it wasn’t her turn. I’ve seen this behavior before with my maternal grandmother and mahjong. Of course, my maternal grandmother is in her 90s. My mom isn’t even 70. Dad had been saying that he’s noticing more cognitive decline, and I was thinking he was just overreacting: mom has always been confused. But John also noticed. 

This trip I really observed how faithful and loyal my father is with my mother. He repeats his answers to her even when she asks the same shit over and over. He still is patient and remains her dedicated companion. He doesn’t show frustration or resentment towards her about it… he just remains true. It makes me wonder about my future. It is so hard for me to be patient and kind to my parents… even knowing what I know about her illness. I have my doubts about my caretaking abilities. And a part of me also worries about my own mental state. If I lose my cognition, what will happen to me? There is some element of fear for the future– both theirs and mine.

I see too the emotional burden this takes on my father. He has a history of taking on burdens and of being the dependable one for everyone. But I worry about his mental state, bc I know caretaking is incredibly taxing. Mom is supposed to get the results of her MRI on May 31. She is taking meds that are supposed to slow the cognitive decline, but the decline is still apparent.

I think the emotional toll on my dad is manifesting in the form of procrastination and paralysis regarding the house and his real estate properties in the area. I can understand the overwhlem and how debilitating it is. So for now, my offer is to suggest California as an option for their US base. Move out of MD, and get something in CA. Yes, it’s expensive and taxes are insane. But Stanford is right down the road, John and I are here, there is a legit Chinese community here, AND Taiwan is a direct flight away. For so many other reasons, CA just makes sense. 

After I got back from Maryland, I made a ton of calls and found a Chinese-speaking neurologist and geriatric specialist in my area. I confirmed that both physicians take Medicare. I got my mother registered as a new patient with PAMF, should she want to get care here. They may come out in July to stay for a week or so, before flying on to Taiwan. I suggested making some medical appointments for that time.

My mother is also speaking exclusively in Chinese at his point– probably bc they don’t really socialize much in MD. Taiwan offers more stimulation for her. My dad can’t be her one-stop shop for everything: socialization, activities, etc. Anyway, all of it is pretty damn depressing. And every visit, I’m still reminded of how distant we are: we just don’t have a close relationship. But I suppose rather than be disappointed and frustrated, I have to focus on what I can do for them. I do know how to get things done, and if that is the only thing I can do for my parents, I’ll be damn good at that.
Meanwhile, my MIL is in a similar boat. She has been going to physical therapy which has given her more stamina. That said, she’s still getting older, like everyone else. With every visit, the changes become more and more apparent. I know I’m like a perpetually stressed-out person, but this period in my life truly feels unlike any other. It’s almost as if all past periods of stress were like fake or trial runs or I dunno, tiny niblets building up. I thought those times were really serious, but I see how that the shit is just now starting to hit the fan. I feel neither ready nor prepared, but I guess that is the theme for life from here on out.

Changing for Love

Earlier this month, J and I headed to Nashville for a long weekend meeting up with my college bud J and his girlfriend M. In my head, I’ve always likened my friend J to Steve Carrell’s character in The 40-Year Old Virgin, bc he was such a cool guy and yet he had never really had a gf. I mean, he definitely has his peculiarities and certain obsessions, but really, who among us doesn’t? For some period, his college roommate, also a friend of mine, suggested that maybe J was gay or asexual, but I knew that simply wasn’t true. How and why? Bc J crushed big time on MY college roommate back in the day.

Anyway, through the years, I would sometimes broach the subject of dating, but he never seemed in a hurry. I wondered if maybe he was just one of those guys who treasured his independence and freedom. After all, sometimes I still yearn for those days when you really just do whatever the fuck you want.

Fast forward 30+ years after college, and J is dating (and moving in soon) with a wonderful woman. Always the adventurous traveler, J joined a backpacking group over a year ago and befriended none other than the head organizer. To me, it’s just magical to see that someone as quirky and as unique as J has found a match! They get along so well: she’s super positive and practically bubbly and that complements his cynicism and sarcasm. She’s also adventurous and fearless; he’s adventurous but more risk-averse and cautious. It’s a nice melding of two extremes.

And I have to say: to all those people who always tell me people just don’t change. I disagree. People DO change, but they change for different reasons and under different circumstances. I always knew J to be uber tidy and obsessive about his environment. Everything had its specific place. Everything was meticulous. On the flip side, M is much messier, more spontaneous. Whenever J and I ate a meal, he was like THE slowest eater ever. My friends and I used to joke that he counted the number of chews before swallowing each bite. This trip, he mostly kept pace, and you know Bubs and I scarf our meals down like a team of Hoover vacuums. There were other changes:

  • J is a strong introvert, and the thought of being later in the queue on a Southwest flight (based on how soon you check-in online) is a stressful situation. On our trip, when it was time to check in for their return flight to Boston, he was totally ready, like minutes in advance, right. Meanwhile, M was super casual and free. She fumbled around loading the app and was bumbling around figuring out how to check in, while J was super eager to get the job done. In any other scenario, the lack of readiness would have bothered him. But M laughed and teased and that really diffused his uptightness.
  • I remember too that when we were in Miami, he NEVER wanted me to take pictures. M is all about photos, and she loves cheesy posed pics too: she asks him to pose and he always obliges.
  • Oh and another thing: J is kinda a germaphobe. Like I said, he is very clean. Well, they told us this story about him getting her a bone box. You see, she’s an environmentalist by profession and by hobby. She works for an environmental agency issuing permits, and like I mentioned, she leads those backpacking groups. She also leads birding and naturalist classes for the local community education program. She also hikes and runs A LOT outside of all those activities. (Yes, J and I got another huge reminder this trip that we are out of shape and something needs to change. Seriously, we had like no stamina and energy, esp in the Tennessee heat.) Anyway, back to the story: As a birder and naturalist, M has all kinds of taxidermy critters and animal skulls. So for her bday, J got her a bone box, which is essentially a container into which you place an animal body part and beetles come into the box and pick the bone clean. So the story is that she obtained a bear head, and she put the frozen head into the bone box. But bc she set the box up off the ground a bit, the beetles couldn’t get in, so the whole thing turned into a nasty rotting mess. The solution? She got J to help her boil the thing in a big cauldron outside to then tear off the flesh. And J helped her with all of this!!! It’s pretty dang amazing. I mean, who do you know who would help someone boil a fleshy bear skull?!?! That’s what I mean! The things we do for love. SMH.

He’s still the same person, just a freer, more relaxed, and happier version. And I think watching them reminds me of my relationship with John. I have always been a control freak, and we’ve certainly had some very bumpy roads in our path together, but in the end, I know that relinquishing some of my control and uptightness made me a more balanced and adjusted person. If it weren’t for Bubs, I would be so much more serious and rigid and unyielding: I would be fighting so many more battles on so many fronts, bc I would never let things go.

I’m really thrilled for my friend J. And I will say: M is a big time doer, which I really like. I mean, I can see how she balances J out, and he’s in a good place. She gives his introverted self that extra boost to get out of his head and do things. Another plus: by the time John and I got to the airport for our flight home, I received a link to a Google Photos album with amazing pictures from our weekend. Haha, I could get used to this level of effortless travel. 🙂

Negotiator

I’ve learned that real estate is one of the only professions where agents are CONSTANTLY being asked to dock their pay. Part of it is that people don’t see or understand the value that Realtors offer. Perhaps they think we just sit around twiddling our thumbs. So a large part of this job is educating people on what it is we do and to argue our value. To me, aside from knowing the market, knowing the contracts and process, knowing the resources out there, having relationships with lenders/other agents/vendors, realtors are also negotiators for their clients.

When I took that negotiation class recently, I realized that Chinese people are really good negotiators, bc as the instructor pointed out: China and Taiwan are negotiating countries where money is scarce and labor/time is abundant, so people will spend time to save pennies. The other big aha from that class: negotiating is different from just getting a discount. With negotiating, you get a discount, but the other party gets something out of it too.

My friends know me as a bargain hunter. I find discounts and coupons and what have you. I oftentimes get things for cheaper, but I realized that my technique is super basic: I just make the ask, and yeah, it has served me well. But only a few times have I truly negotiated.

One of my first times was when I negotiated the salary for a nonprofit job. It was way low, but I knew that the person in the position was leaving very soon. So I asked for higher pay, and I offered to start immediately so as to have training overlap. I also asked for higher salary bc I wasn’t going to need their health benefits so that would save them expenses and administration time. So see, it wasn’t simply asking for a discount just bc.

My dad is the ultimate negotiator. He began handling money from a very young age, helping his farmer parents sell bananas and produce. My father always did the math side of the business: making change, calculating costs/expenses, tallying up all the day’s transactions, etc. so his mental math skills were super sharp. But also, he developed a very keen business acumen, bc my grandparents pooled community money to buy farmland and then thought of ways to generate wealth through leasing plots to other farmers, etc. It’s crazy to think of the skills you learn from your childhood.

When I was growing up, my father negotiated everything. At times, it felt so tedious and uncomfortable, bc American culture just doesn’t negotiate. I remember one time in college, I asked for a price match on a $125 bike rack and the owner got so pissed. He just shooed me away and all I did was ask if he would consider matching the shop down the road ($100). Maybe it was my fault, bc I didn’t point out what was in it for him. I know now, after having door knocked and canvassed, people react in all different ways. You just move on. 

Before we had our family home custom built in the 80s, my father had researched land lots. He found a place with two adjacent lots owned by a single owner, and then he asked if his friend wanted to purchase the lot next door. Since dad was bringing the purchase of two lots at once, he negotiated a discount. Later, he negotiated discounts from all the vendors and contractors: he not only brought them a second customer without any marketing/effort but by having our lots adjacent, the crews could save on travel/staging/equipment rental costs, etc. And this discount amplified many times over, from the architect to the asphalt paving to the lawn mowing crew… See, would you have thought of that? It’s an interesting extension of that idea from his youth where neighbors pooled resources for purchases and then tried to leverage their buying power.

Many years later, my father wanted to renovate the basement to create more bedrooms should his family ever move to the States. He negotiated a discount by offering to be flexible on the project timing. So typically, carpenters/electricians/contractors are less busy in the winter months. My father asked for a discount in exchange for having them work during a lighter season. And this example comes to mind, bc my teacher specifically told a story about how he negotiated cheaper gas at his local station. First, he asked questions about whether the owner had daily gas quotas in order to get better wholesale rates from the suppliers. Yes. Which days were his slow days where he had trouble reaching the goals. Wednesdays, but he was often short like x gallons– an amount far more than a single customer. So what happened? My teacher negotiated a discount by getting all his realtor friends in on it: they would pump their gas on Wednesdays from that station and get a discount. Pretty crazy, right?

I think I’m pretty good at making the ask, but I want to work on negotiating by highlighting what’s in it for them. Of course, I’ve started practicing already.  We have one final step for our bathroom reno where the plumbers have to come back and put in the trim (fixtures). By habit, I made the ask: would you consider a discount given the amount of recent project work we’ve done? Then I realized I hadn’t pointed out what they get out of it. So while he was still considering, I offered to be flexible with their schedule… they can squeeze us in whenever they have an opening and we are also located nearby in MV. He gave me a discount! Not huge but still 15%! 

I’m thinking that I will go back to Comcast and negotiate my rates again. I already do that pretty regularly, arguing that I’m a longtime customer, but I might try the angle of asking how much they pay to market to new users. I’m an existing and I’m happy with their service and in my real estate work, there may be opportunities where I can share my positive experiences with Comcast… haha. We’ll see what happens. 

We’re also contemplating a new roof, and I was thinking to employ the same strategy dad used: see if any neighbors are considering and then we can get a group discount and time it so the contractor can consolidate his mobilization/supply costs.

Incidentally, I am visiting my parents this weekend, so I’m sure dad will put me to work on vendor calls.

Keeping the Momentum

Whew, I am so glad my class is done. That said, I am only giving myself a brief respite, bc I am totally paranoid about losing the momentum. I keep telling myself that success never comes easy; don’t lose steam!

In terms of moving ahead, I already knew this but somehow doing the various lead generation activities really opened my eyes to just how much quality trumps quantity. Looking at the stats, all those efforts reaching out to strangers (“un-mets” as we call them in the biz) show super low conversion. Cold calls, door knocking, flyering… To get one warm lead, you gotta hit hundreds of people. So I’m going to zone back in on a more targeted approach.

So I’m brainstorming a few ideas:

  1. Tabling with the banks for loan days. These people at least already have an account at the bank and they are physically present for a possible pre-approval session with my partner lender.
  2. Tabling at workplaces during lunch for an “Ask the Realtor” or “The Realtor is in” session. Another version of this might be a lunch and learn session.
  3. A regular schedule for homebuying classes.
  4. Calls to For Sale by Owners and Expired Listings.
  5. Calls to more lenders and experienced agents who have open houses I can host.

I also need to fill all of my lunches and dinner with meetings. Yeah, as the coach reminded: 100 contacts/week is NOT something to be celebrated. That is the bare minimum. Yikes. There’s a new baseline now.

Fortunately, I am FINALLY starting to see some traction. I know, I can’t believe it! One of the lenders with whom I did the loan days in April called while I was in Nashville. She has two clients who were getting pre-approved with her and they are NOT working with an agent. One dude already set up an appointment with the other agent she recommended. The second guy, I’m hoping to hear from. It’s one of those things though where the buyers want my info but they don’t want the lender to pass their info to me… Yup, people are hypersensitive these days about their privacy. So I’m waiting.

From my homebuying class, as I mentioned, none of the attendees were people I reached from canvassing; that said, turnout was solid. Two parties were former colleagues at the university, and two other parties were notified via my neighbors. I’m so grateful for the support of others. It makes such a big difference. I have 3-4 warm leads from my class… people who are considering buying in the next 12 months.

There is also an agent up in Burlingame whom I met many months ago through my volunteer group, Linkages. He’s been so generous with his time and advice. His aunt is selling her house next month in Milpitas (closer to me), so I’ve been checking in with him weekly, following up on the schedule, and I’m planning to help him with canvassing and flyering for the upcoming open house. He’s been so so good to me, and I have to say, with him being Chinese-American, there’s so much commonality that I would not have anticipated. Like even talking about the condition– the upkeep and maintenance of the aunt’s house. The way Chinese people live in their spaces… it is so different. And all the activities in BOLD. His mom, who is also a Realtor, was so uncomfortable with the prospecting, not to mention the Money Magnet exercise. Anyway, it was so helpful to hear his perspective and be reminded that these are all tools we need to assess for ourselves and then select the ones that work for us.

I will say that I struggle with parts of life that require selectivity. On one hand, I’m pretty curious and I like to learn, so I attend all kinds of classes and events and trainings. There is some part of me that wants to believe if I just follow the prescription of the experts, I will make it. The concept of a blueprint for success appeals to the side of my brain that likes things to be black and white and just very clear. And my idolization of specialists also drives me to believe in their secrets and in their tactics. Like that show, Married at First Sight. Despite the craziness of the premise, there is some part of me that believes or wants to believe the experts with all their knowledge, wisdom, and tests will be able to run their matchmaking algorithm and come up with the right fit! Never mind that in four seasons with three couples each, only 1/12 have worked out! Still, when the Bold trainer says not to take the class a la carte, I like that bc it’s less mental strain: I can focus on the techniques and not think about the details of what to apply when and where.

The problem with this mentality is that despite my affinity for simple and straightforward, I also have a very independent, judging, and defiant mind. So in my head, both sides are constantly at war with one another. Even as I had resolved from the beginning to “not do this a la carte,” I was thinking and evaluating at every single stage! I mean, while I consider myself more of a generalist than a specialist, this ain’t my first rodeo in life, you know? I have some amount of life experience and wisdom to bring to the table, and why should my opinions or thoughts be dismissed? Like the language, the word choice, the delivery, etc. I’ve worked in communications for a very long time. 

So here’s my dilemma: In my DISC personality profile, my D (dominance) is super high, meaning I’m driven towards execution and getting things done. But there is a detail part of my brain that likes to know how things work and to check the numbers. For example, when I held that swanky open house for the top producing agent, I was the one who noticed her flyers in her display box were inaccurate: The address was correct, but the pictures in the flyer were wrong, as was the website URL. Also, when my lender prepped his slides for my homebuying class last week, I found an error in his financing scenario. When my coach sent out market data stats to his students, I caught errors in his calculations and graphic (I was maintaining my own separate spreadsheet to track the market changes). I mean, mistakes happen. I’m not saying that I’m infallible, but I’m just saying that I do look at the details. So as I went through the training, I gave thought to what we were instructed to say… and I didn’t always agree with the technique. But you see my issue: my mind has internal conflict and flip flops.

The one thing that I really liked about Bold– My team captain really proved to me that you can deliver the scripts in a natural and compelling manner. I mean, he didn’t follow them verbatim, but he understood their intention and used them as talking points. Honestly, he modeled the conversations even better than the coaches. So my conclusion is that it can be done. I don’t believe in winging anything, so I’m going to study/practice/internalize the main points of the scripts and then aim to deliver them convincingly. With practice will come confidence and effectiveness. That’s right: time to Elizabeth Dole this shit.

Shortcuts

I gotta admit: anxiety is a strange beast. I mean, I always have some chronic level of anxiety: honestly, I feel it’s just a part of life when you’re an over thinker and/or a perfectionist. There is always something to worry about and obsess over bc shit’s just not quite right.

It’s funny though bc even though I identify as an over thinker, I don’t really consider myself a perfectionist. That’s a totally separate thing, and given my nonchalance about the details of our home reno, I do feel I have a certain freedom that perfectionists don’t necessarily have. Like the old shower tile work wasn’t completely straight but heck, I never even noticed until now… like seven years later. We ran out of floor tile and another box of it was on backorder for months, so we just substituted a similar but DIFFERENT tile for underneath the vanity. It’s covered up anyway.

And I kinda do hacks/shortcuts like this all the time. Just yesterday, I had my first homebuying class right? I wore my new CAbi jumpsuit with my Vince Camuto peep toe booties. My feet are looking rough these days. I just haven’t been doing my usual home pedis. So my toes were looking bad. And my event was set to start in one hour. My solution? I put on my shoes and just painted the exposed toes. Yeah, I couldn’t even be bothered to polish the ring and pinky toes on my feet. Oh well, that’s just going to have to do. And I do nutty shit like that all the time. I had this bedazzled necklace on a fabric backing that just would NOT lay flat. I kept re-tying it to get it right, but it just kept folding over itself, so fuck it: I pulled a Donald Trump tie trick. That’s right: I got a piece of packing tape, doubled it into a loop, and voila, that mofo stayed flat against my shirt. Of course, as the day wore on and the tie/sash loosened, that middle medallion sat nonsensically perfectly positioned. What can I say: I gotta pick and choose my battles, man.

So the thing I’ve noticed in the last several weeks is that anxiety compounds itself. I got so wound up over everything that 24 hrs later, I am still trying to fully decompress. It’s like my body got used to the elevated stress and then almost forgot how to come back down from it.

Right now I’m en route to Nashville, and it’s funny but my college bud’s girlfriend is an uber planner, so I am just showing up. I mean, overall, I enjoy travel planning, esp bc I have my process down, but every now and then, I certainly appreciate the luxury of just showing up. Seriously, after we settled on the dates MONTHS ago, she researched and booked lodging, car, and created a Google docs filled with things to do. I didn’t have to coordinate with the AirBnb lady. No searching things to do on TripAdvisor or any of the travel guides. Bam, it’s already done. Thank goodness, bc I have been maxed out and would not have made time for it on my plate.

In other news, my bathroom reno is still happening. It’s SO frustrating but essentially, after we selected our GC, we thought the only piece he was going to outsource was plumbing. However, after the project got underway, he ended up outsourcing electrical, tile work, painting… I ended up using our gardener’s brother bc he was available sooner and I wanted to try him out, but that has turned out disappointing too. He works full time and then does our stuff after hours, and things have just dragged on bc he can’t come every day. The interplay def has not been optimal and I’m super frustrated by it but I am learning for the future. Construction project management is only good when you have a well-oiled army of good, reliable, punctual contractors. That’s what it all boils down to. I had to ride my painter already and it was not comfortable, and now I know for next time that I want a very specific schedule breakdown and calendar of availability. Sure, it’s not the end of the world, but a month plus was just way longer than I had allotted in my mind. Right now, we should be done by the end of next week. Ugh. I just want to put crap away into the new vanity and remove all that junk lying around my bedroom floor.

Meanwhile, our friends recently got their master bath majorly re-done. The project dragged on for months and months. Finally, it was done and they enjoyed their new monster bathtub several times, only to discover water leaks three floors down in the garage. And no one knows why that is happening but clearly, the new bathroom is the culprit and all that beautiful new chevron porcelain tile is gonna have to come out. Major shit. Plumbing problems are THE worst. For a split second, I entertained the idea of being a female plumber. I figured solid waste engineering already prepped me for the conditions, but nope. Too many problems with water damage. I’m out.

What else. Oh, I attended a CAbi networking event on Monday. My friend T had suggested at the host party that I should become a CAbi stylist. It’s basically a Pampered Chef but with clothes. Frankly, I’m already knee-deep in the throes of a sales job and I’m already overwhelmed. But, I got invited to the event and I figured it would be another opportunity to meet new people. It was ok, and I always like learning about organizations where women are entrepreneurial and you know, flourishing in business. Still, those multilevel marketing programs are just hard for me to accept. I like the clothes. I do think they are much nicer worn than hanging on display, but I mean, I’m almost exclusively a second-hand clothing woman now. I just don’t value clothes enough to pay $80-$100 for a blouse and $130+ for jeans or pants. Since the hosted party event I attended last month, I found CAbi stuff on Schoola and Thredup, so I’ve been acquiring more pieces– just not at full price. Regardless, it was an ok event and I made some new connections. But shit, I am tired.

Money Magnet

Like I have been saying all along, the end of my sales program can NOT come soon enough. My final class is next week! Woo hoo. From the get go, there were pieces of the program that just rubbed me the wrong way. Day 1, I got put into a group of 9 with only ONE other woman. In picking a team name, the captain– a super suave prep charmer dude– insisted on something with “money” in it. Ugh, really? Well, I was outnumbered. Our team name became Team Money: Keep it 100. WTF does that mean, I wondered. Apparently, the Keep it 100 is from some rap song. Somehow I was designated the team scribe for our posters and tally scoreboard. I thought the Keep it 100 was like Keep the $100… you know, like I’m flush with cash so you just keep that extra bit. Nope. Got that wrong. The 100 is like 100 percent, not $100, so the saying means to keep things 100% or keep it real. Honestly, thank goodness I have had an entire lifetime of being a social and cultural misfit… this was YET another one of those occasions. And the only other woman on my team is a 20-something whose mom and sister are both Realtors. Fine, whatever. Team Money it is. Then, we had to come up with a team chant/cheer. I mean, usually, I’m not that creative with that team spirit stuff, so I had nothing to offer… Naturally, the chant was, “If it doesn’t make dollars, it doesn’t make cents. Ching, ching, ching” (with the motion of like sliding bills off a fat stack). Ugh. I mean, how money obsessed are we? I was so disgusted, but whatever. I didn’t have any ideas and whatever, be a team player and all. So fast forward several weeks and the coach is trying to get us to up our “financial thermostat”… like identify what our level is– below or above which, we get uncomfortable. So the thing is, I have a weird relationship with money. I like to save it, but I am not obsessed with acquiring things. Sure, I like a comfortable life but it’s not like I wish I had a yacht or Ferrari or personal jet or whatever. As it is, I already feel super blessed and spoiled. So we do this exercise where every day we receive a deposit of money and we have to spend it ALL by the end of the day. The next day, we get another infusion and it’s double the previous amount. We’re not allowed to save or gift the money. The idea is that people with high money goals know how they plan to spend it and that helps them push to hit that goal. So people are like doing fancy $100k+ cars and luxury bags and private jets and personal chefs… I dunno. I bought my parents a house and just invested in real estate mostly. But it just felt like a really materialistic exercise and after my day with the homeless lady, I just was not in the mood.

But the shit just kept flowing. We were instructed to each bring 20 $1 bills to class. The coach claimed that people have a weird relationship with money which often forces them to push it away, so this exercise is supposed to have us welcome and want money. Huh? So no joke: each person lies down on the floor. The teammates throw the dollar bills over him/her (like it’s raining money) while s/he exclaims, “I’m a money magnet,” over and over again and grabs at the money. I was so disgusted by this and yet… people on my team thought it was funny. They like took pictures and videos. WTF. Where the fuck am I???? There was something about it that felt so cheap and sleazy and after I came home and described it to John, we realized what it was. It was as if I were a prostitute being thrown dollar bills. And some people on my team even released the bills in that Ching, Ching, Ching fashion like you would see in rap videos. It was so fucking ridiculous.

And the thing is, my partner is that 23 y/o chick. She was totally into it. Like she totally knew the Keep it 100 line, the rap song, everything. I mean, I suppose there’s two decades of life between us. She’s sweet enough but I dunno. Clearly she didn’t read things the way I did. Just for some background: she’s also a pro golfer who has hung out with Shaquille O’Neil and shit, so obviously, we run in different circles.

Another example of the huge disconnect? The other day, she asked me: do you ever have meetings with potential clients where they just set an appointment with you so they can ask you out?

Um, no. I can’t say that has EVER happened to me. In real estate. In my other jobs. In anything. SMH. I mean, am I an alien to the nth degree or what?!?!?

Fortunately, after talking to John and my friend G and a few other peers, I am starting to see that I’m not alone in sensing all these red flags. Yesterday at the office, I talked with a lady who’s around my age and she revealed that every fucking week, during the class, she is counting down the hours and minutes AND wanting to run the fuck out of there every chance she gets. She also found the money magnet exercise super cheap and degrading. And she didn’t like the hyper focus on money in general. Not everyone is in real estate for the money! Anyway, I had a great conversation with her and it was just a relief to find someone who was on the same page. She also hates the scripts and referred me to a book that uses better language.

Then she also gave me a warning. She used to be a mortgage lender and she said the sales culture can be very destructive. She knows a lot of people who have gotten divorced, broke up their families, etc. bc they get caught up in the lifestyle. You work late hours, you work weekends, you have to meet lots of new people so there’s a lot of happy hours and partying and whatever. Be careful. I mean, honestly, I don’t think it’s a problem for a dowdy, awkward, alien like me, but it was interesting just hearing her perspective bc subconsciously, I had already noticed how many people in real estate are divorced…

I remember at the environmental agency, a colleague of mine divorced his wife a few years ago. The reason in their case was that she got all caught up in the “startup” lifestyle. And oddly, I’ve been saying to Bubs that my job is very much like working at a startup. I meant it more in the way of long hours and high stress plus the pressure of sales like when Bubs was in the game and ALWAYS thinking about work. But I guess there’s also some truth to the sales culture involving a lot of schmoozing. Anyway, something to keep in mind. I hope I keep my head on straight.

Breaking Point

OMFG, my body has been all kinds of fucked up the last week. First, I had been fureaking out about my homebuying class, which was tonight. Usually, I am not THAT bad about public speaking, but I suppose the combo of having to deal with the lagging home reno plus my prospecting class plus delivering a real estate preso for the first time ever, plus worrying about all sorts of other “adulting” familial matters just put my stress levels through the roof. I was having constant tummy aches; my fingers were numb; I was having diarrhea for like days on end… it was seriously getting out of control.

On top of that, I had to prep the preso slides– most were existing content from my coach, but they were not in any kind of consistent template and the ordering was all non sequitor. When I spoke to my coach, he kept telling me that typical turnout is 25% or less for such events. And then my lender did not prep his slides. We were supposed to do a dry run rehearsal last week and now it was the day before, and he didn’t have any slides done. In fact, I got his slides two hours before go time tonight.

Long story short, my body was revolting. I’d started prepping my talk a few days ago and I did a few dry runs. Bubs is always more critical than not: Confusing here. Not enough emphasis there. Too many slides. blah, blah. That commentary was yesterday, so I was already feeling up to the wire. More tweaks. Bubs is just so sharp on that shit… all that business acumen from his startup days I think. Ugh, I was feeling underprepared and not good enough!

Somehow though, I woke up today feeling calmer than the previous two days. I kicked off my day with many tracks of Meditation Oasis… thanks, G! That shit is specific too, with stuff on like emergency anxiety relief. Thankfully, the day started off ok. I attended a volunteer event at the office and felt moderately calm. Then, in the afternoon, I did one more dry run with Bubs two hours before show time. More feedback. More tweaks. Fuck!!!

The good news is that 19 people registered and 12 people attended. I was disappointed that NONE of the attendees were people from my door knocking and flyering/canvassing efforts. Two came from my contacts who passed along my info. Four were people from my last job. The rest found out about my event on EventBrite. Of course, as 6pm came around, I was starting to worry bc only 3 people were on time. And my coach was telling me to start on time out of respect for those who were punctual.

My talk went ok. Bc of the stragglers who came in after I got started and I made last minute tweaks, it wasn’t perfect… there was a part where my voice lost confidence bc I expected a different slide than what was next. But whatever: Bubbey said he was really proud of me. And my own coach said he could tell I’d done public speaking before. After my part was done, my coach came in for a few slides and then the lender came on. He went so slowly, I was really getting antsy. But it was weird bc even though he got way down into the weeds, people asked questions and that indicates at least some interest and engagement.

Many people also stayed afterwards to talk to me and well, I’m going to follow up and hope this converts into something. I’m just so relieved it’s done. Several areas to change, but I’m happy with the outcome given that it was my inaugural talk as a Realtor. Shoutout to Bubs for prepping all the food and snacks. I’m grateful also to my former colleagues who attended, as well as my neighbors who helped me spread the word.

Tomorrow, we’re headed to Nashville for a long weekend. I honestly did feel like I was breaking this week, but thankfully, I am ok and I will enjoy our time with my college bud J and his gal. Next Wednesday, I graduate from my sales class. I will say, that shit has been a struggle every damn week… with the activities and some bizarre brainwashing/quasi-cult things. I spoke with a colleague today who is also participating and she said every class, she wants to leave and not come back. It was interesting that she had similar doubts and repulsions bc I felt like I was the only one not drinking the KoolAid. More on that stuff later. I def grew a lot and so many things would not have happened if it weren’t for the class: cold calling, door knocking, canvassing, my homebuyer class… still, it’ll be nice to exercise my own adult judgement on what is appropriate in terms of how to proceed.

Ok. I am beat but still mentally wired. Going to try to sleep now.

Seeking Shelter

In my sales/prospecting program, many of the students are feeling maxed out and on the verge of a meltdown. The coach keeps explaining though that when life transformation occurs, people have the meltdown(s) and then they let off the gas pedal. He insists that the correct response is to depress the pedal even further, bc you are right at the cusp of a breakthrough. I mean, I absolutely believe that people can surprise themselves with the depth of their strength but shit man, I’m not gonna lie: I am counting the days til this thing is over bc I am tired, boss. In addition, I am feeling so much anxiety! The culprit for the anxiety shifts around among different things but still, there’s just a high baseline of stress that’s causing my skin to get itchy and inflamed plus I am having all kinds of bad dreams.

In the beginning, I was super freaked out about the cold calling. Then, I got desensitized to that but I got tired of the inefficiency, so I switched to door knocking. I liked that better but again, it was hard to get people to come to their doors. So then I hit up the public spots. I started to really prefer the latter, as people seemed generally pleasant. But then, as I started doing that more, I suppose my sample size got larger and well, I started to encounter the jerkies. By then, I had fortunately developed a thicker skin but still, the annoyance is never going to be a zero.

Since my Whole Foods experience last Wednesday, I’ve hit up the Sunnyvale public park, the library, and then shopping/park areas in Santa Clara. I’ve already reached my 100 people for week 5. Of course now the coach has asked us to aim for a Bold 100 (100 people all in one day) + 60 additional people. WTF with the changing goal posts. I mean, I’m going to just say, I believe in metered and steady, so that 100 in one day ain’t happening. I agree that more numbers is always a good thing but… I have my limits. Some people in the class reach all 100 people via calling. That equates to about 9 hours of calling in one day. I think that’s pretty insane, and I’m skeptical as to how many leads they get from it. Then again, I still don’t have clients, so who am I to say.

Incidentally, when I hit up the park on Friday afternoon, the third person I approached with my homebuying class flyer turned out to be an older woman walking with her small dog… As we conversed, she told me she was homeless and living in her car. I mean, you have to remark on the irony of it all, right? Here I am, scouring public places in search of buyers for homes that average near $1M, and now in front of me, another human needs a place to stay and a place to shower. She went into her whole sob story: her hubby supported them; he got very ill; she was his caretaker; he died in December and his family never liked or supported her so now she’s living in her car. Honestly, it was heartbreaking and I just kept thinking about those asshole Republicans in the House who just voted to strip healthcare from regular people. Luckily, she had a phone. I promised her I would look around for resources in the area and get back to her. She left.

Afterwards, I felt so ridiculous with what I was doing, so I walked a few blocks to the public library and asked the info desk for stuff on homeless resources. I also got a bicycle map with all the Sunnyvale streets. I went back to the park, called her, and then I circled/plotted a few key places. But when I dialed a bunch of numbers, the places were closed or the numbers no longer worked. And I was running out of juice on my damn phone. I told her I would research more and call her later. Had she eaten today? Yes. I gave her $20 for gas or food, and she was so touched and thankful, she started to cry as she walked away. Over $20, folks. It made me so sad seeing how such a small gesture and small amount of money moved her so much. It only goes to show that she has not seen much kindness. Poor lady.

I walked to my car parked on the other side of the park and then I just started to bawl. I mean, what kind of world is this where $20 represents some generous act of kindness that brings someone in apparent need to tears?!? The world is a fucked up place. I have always known and understood that life is unfair, but sometimes the disparity is just so jarring and disturbing. There really can be no god.

That night, I could not sleep. I got home and called a gabillion numbers. Wrong numbers. Closed. Fax numbers. It was a royal clusterfuck of an experience. I went to bed feeling completely frustrated and spoiled, what with my heated mattress topper. Fuck, what is she going to do?

At 7am the next morning, Evangelina called. She asked if I’d found anywhere for her to stay. No, but let me try again this morning. More internet research, more wrong numbers. I must have dialed 25+ places. When I did speak to people, their facilities were either full or there was a 2-4 month waitlist for housing, or they only helped victims of domestic violence or teens or pregnant women… Finally, around 9am, I found a 250-bed shelter in San Jose. The place guarantees the first night for anyone who is new. After that, they run a daily lottery for beds. I also spoke with two case workers who asked me to have Evangelina call them. I called Evangelina and was so relieved to finally give her some options.

J kept telling me that I’m such a good person for helping her. But strangely, I feel ridiculous: How easy is it for me to be able to pass her off to someone else so that the “system” can help her. I mean, it’s still a cop out no matter how you dice it. At the same time though, society makes you afraid and cautious…

I’m so grateful for the kind souls who do this kind of difficult social services work. And I am glad, esp in California that we have programs for people. I know in my heart of hearts, there isn’t much difference between Evangelina and me. The distinction is privilege– not even anything of my own doing. I live a fucking charmed life, and I want to remember that every. damn. day.

Pounding the Pavement

Aw man, I just wrote a huge long post and then I started to fall asleep… As I went to save, I actually did NOT save and now it’s all gone. Fucking A. Argh!

Anyway, one of my revelations of late is that door knocking and canvassing are now my lead gen activities of choice. Why? Bc I can reach more people in less time. Yeah, that cold calling stuff was bullshit. I mean, people just don’t answer their phones anymore. And when they do, their radar for anything salesy is on super high alert. Five words in and I’m shut down. It sucked.

With door knocking, at least I am really practicing body language, speaking, and you know, building rapport. So after our weekend in Temecula, I was all worried of course about hitting my numbers. As soon as we landed in SJC, I went home, changed, printed out more flyers, and I hit up three parks in Santa Clara. In 2-3 hours, I also passed by some open houses, went in, and then continued on. The factors that worked in my favor? It was Sunday and the weather was beautiful. Families were out together enjoying the sunshine. For the most part, people weren’t in a huge hurry and maybe being in the presence of their kids also made them behave more politely. I mean, don’t get me wrong, on the path between the parks, I still ran into some jerks. They cut me off and glared like I was majorly inconveniencing them, what with my 10 seconds of talking… On the plus side, I also ran into one family where the dude stopped, listened, and responded, “Right on, yeah, we’ll see you there!” Say what? His reply made me laugh, even if he still probably won’t attend. It’s pretty interesting just the spectrum of reactions… In those two hours, I reached about 45 people, which is a good use of time I think. I def felt better about my numbers.

The next day, I hit up the library and then my office park. I really thought my office park would be a slam dunk, esp since people work in the adjacent buildings but eh… after walking the public spaces at lunch for a few days, it was generally the same people. Some very pleasant and nice. Others not so much.

But today we had the fifth of seven classes in my prospecting program. Afterwards, I was feeling motivated to up the attendance for my homebuying class next week, so I tried the Whole Foods. I spoke with the manager and got approval to hand out my flyers. Holy. Crap. People were super rude. They wouldn’t even take my flyer. And it was hotter than hell outside too. I dunno if maybe they were on a schedule or what but people were extremely snobbish and unfriendly. Still, I decided to give it an hour… things did get better and I actually had two real conversations… including someone who asked me about strategies to win in a multi-offer situation. I came clean and said I was new but I had spoken with a lot of lenders who shared what they did to help close the deals. He seemed happy with my reply and said he would consider going to my class! Woo hoo.

There was a moment today though standing outside of the Whole Foods the first 20 minutes when I felt very vulnerable and defeated. But then something inside me resolved that I’m not going to be shamed into leaving sooner than I originally planned just bc some people think they are better or think I offer zero value. I’m not there for them and I won’t be intimidated by their busyness or urgency or impatience. I reached probably 30 people. I can’t say I’ll return but never say never. 🙂 I’m sometimes a glutton for punishment after all.