Monthly Archives: January 2017

CT Scan

So mom got a CAT scan done last week, and the scan def showed differences compared with the scan she had done about 18 months ago. The physician says one area looks like a possible contusion (bruise/injury) and the other area seems like grayish matter. Not exactly sure what the term was since I’m relying what he explained to my father. My father tends to get into all kinds of details, but I’m not the greatest listener, esp when I’m sick. The bottom line is, she’s scheduled now for an MRI and they’re hoping the higher resolution imagery coupled with contrast dyes to see brain circulation will give us more information.

I’m feeling pretty frustrated and vulnerable these days. I know how important it is to maintain a positive attitude… I mean, after all those damn courses I’ve taken, I of anyone, know how critical mental toughness is. And yet, I’m just not there today.

For one thing, I’m still fighting this cold. Our friend A during our trip to Pasadena spoke about constitutions– how some people are just more prone to sickness than others no matter how well they take care of themselves. Ugh. And I’m not exactly the greatest to my body and my health.

Yesterday, our neighbors had us over for dinner. It was really sweet of them: we hadn’t seen them since the day before we said goodbye to Marty. I was annoyed that they hadn’t said anything to me after knowing that we had put him down (in fact, when they were over visiting him one last time, the mom kept offering to care for him the one day she would be home over holiday break… after we had already told her our decision). I dunno. People say we all handle death and grief and loss differently.

I was also super disappointed by people who learned of Martin’s death and said absolutely nothing. Like my former boss from the university. She dropped me an email like “thinking of you and hoping all is good.” I replied within hours that we put Martin down and then no response. I mean, are you emailing me and then not reading the reply? Did you feel bad and want to take more time to craft a sensitive response and then just forgot? Honestly, I am appalled by this kind of bullshit and yet, it’s not the first time I have encountered this. And that was like weeks ago. Still not a damn word. Whatever. SMH. People really do irk my nerves.

In other news, I put two more trips on the books for 2017. We’re headed to Cabo for John’s bday in early March. Then, we’re meeting my college friend and his gal in Nashville in May. Meanwhile, I am gearing up for N’s 40th bday bash in Big Sky, MT, where I just saw the temps were -10F last week. I know. I am ordering some serious heavy duty thermals. Granted, I have been in colder temps in my life (Harbin, China at -25F or so for the Ice Festival). But again, that was over ten years ago when I was younger and stronger and probably still of weak constitution but at least more resilient than today. 🙁

Like a Delicate Flower

So we got back from Pasadena on Monday, and then I got John’s cold. Yesterday, I was feeling way better, so I attended the broker meeting and house tours (check out this gorgeous Eichler in Sunnyvale!) followed by a meeting with a title agent and then the Ditch the Bitch Stigma meetup group. Today, I am sick again with a stuffy nose and head congestion. Fucking A. As tough as I always like to think myself to be, I am annoyingly delicate. Fucking bullshit.

The meetup group last night was really excellent. The organizer is a coach and speaker, so we had a really intelligent conversation among eight women about feminism, communication styles, and the whole bitch stigma. Basically, anytime a woman voices her opinion and sets boundaries on anything– be it at work or through personal interactions/relationships– she gets called a bitch. I was really pleasantly surprised by the conversation. Bc the facilitator is super well-read on feminism and on privilege, I felt like I was back in my women’s studies class at Duke. That class was one of the most eye-opening experiences of my life, bc it showed me how conservative and self-righteous and closed-minded and sheltered I really was. Yesterday, we talked about power dynamics, societal and cultural expectations, privilege, stereotypes, and “punching up” vs. “punching down”… it was some meaty shit. All and all, I was super pleased until the very end, where I was standing up, packed up, and ready to leave… somehow the conversation turned to the facilitator’s background and specialty: she is a former stripper and dominatrix and as a coach/speaker now, she specializes in sexuality and power and kink. Yup, leave it to me to find the one meetup group where prudish old Vix has to hear about a former dom’s past clients with fetishes in bondage and humiliation… OMFG.

That’s the tricky thing about feminism, right? There are the multiple waves and the newest wave embraces sexuality, sex work, and I mean all that shit STILL makes me uncomfortable bc I am a prude. I always think back to when I used to work for the feminist organization. The older staff were you know, marching about abortion rights and equal pay and such, but the younger feminists did that PLUS they really embraced sexuality and a woman’s choice to engage in sex work. They would run fundraisers on their college campuses selling Pussy Pops (lollipops shaped like vaginas!). Yup. Too much freedom of expression for me!!!

Then last night, one attendee– on hearing about the facilitator’s past work– really got into the conversation and shared that she had attended a sex workshop in SF where she and her spouse were connected to each other by two straps of webbing, with hooks on each end–  one set of hooks pierced into her upper chest and one set into her spouse’s upper chest. Then, both people faced each other and leaned back, held up by the tension of the webbing!?!?!? They say it was some kind of trust exercise. Uh, what??? Yup, I endured that conversation while making cringe faces and then I darted out of there. I mean, had I been a version of my younger naive self, I would have internally and externally flipped the fuck out. But now that I’m a seasoned, more exposed (and composed) adult, the freak out was limited to internal only. I don’t think I’ll ever get to that level of comfort and exploration re: sex, but I am able to stand there and listen… Yup. Holy fuck. I tell ya. I get a LOT of stories from my Meetup adventures!

Old Favs

This week we received Martin’s ashes back. Even though I am crying less frequently now several weeks after his passing, I still have those random moments when the tears flood my face at the drop of a hat. Sigh. Grieving sucks. I’m still not sleeping well. Oftentimes, when I wake in the middle of the night, I swear I hear moving about the house. Mind you, his doggie bed was long moved out into the garage for storage, and the doggie door is all boarded up but I suppose those old habits really are hard to erase.

I received many sweet and thoughtful notes from friends and acquaintances who learned about his passing. One friend is gifting us a commissioned painting of Martin (with Remy if we want). I looked at the artist’s work. Her paintings are lovely. A few times, we’ve sat down to scroll through pictures to give to the artist, but the process of selecting is full of mixed emotions. I know that we gave them good lives, full of adventure and love, but reflecting on so many of our life’s journeys that we shared with them makes me miss that life even more. Sometimes I think about couples who lose a child– so many times, you hear that the marriages don’t survive the loss. It’s weird to think that J and I have never truly lived alone– with just us. From the time that we officially started cohabitation, Remy was already there warming our shared home.

I suppose, if there’s any good news in my pain, my donation drive is going well. About fifteen people have gifted items in Martin’s memory, with more to come. I was really happy too to hear this week from two of my favorite Rover clients. In the next several weeks, I will reunite with both Cody (the corgi) and Ramona (Kidney Bean). In fact, Ramona will stay with us for 18 days in February… a super long stint (and at holiday rates!!). She’s a stinky pup, but I love her nonetheless. I’m thrilled that I will see them both again soon.

In other dog-related news: my Rover biz is heating up in the new year! I met a very nice couple from the UK (London) who have a very young but well-behaved shiba-corgi mix. I actually think he’s more of a chihuahua mix. They have him with me in daycare. It’s funny, bc he really doesn’t need to be in daycare, but they have no qualms having him with us so he gets midday breaks and isn’t holed up in the apartment. I’m happy to oblige. Later this month, the German lady K with the long-haired whippet is also wanting to resume daycare with us. Interestingly, our friend A (who invited us to Pasadena for the Rose Bowl) just started a new job and K is her boss! Small world, right?

So I’ll have a new Rover client for MLK holiday, Cody for a night, and then Ramona next month! Yay for puppies!

Lord of the Fleas

I’m feeling better today from that damn cold. All of yesterday, I did an aggressive combo therapy, alternating between Chinese throat syrup and hot water + honey + lemon. Today is a new (not really) issue: fleas.

You see, I got eaten alive around the time that Marty passed away. That was before Christmas. Then, we figured that being away for Christmas and for New Year, with the temps dropping and the bugs having no warm bodies on which to feed, the fleas would just die off. We got back from MD and Pasadena and my legs are still itching like hell. Maybe I was still suffering from the remnant bites, bc I’d read that sometimes the bites take 2-3 weeks to heal…

Well then yesterday, I saw some live fleas on the new Rover client, a cutie shiba-corgi mix. I checked with the owner, and she said the dog’s been on prescription flea meds (which usually works amazing) since they got him. So is it our house then? I don’t know!

Before, our vet said the flea situation was bad the last few years bc of the drought. Well, our area is almost OUT of the drought now with all the rain we’ve been getting so I don’t know what the deal is now. John was giving me crap about having these dogs in the house, but what do you want me to do? I miss Marty terribly and while these doggies aren’t an adequate substitute, they do offer me some small ounce of joy.

Fortunately, the infestation isn’t major. I mean, J has yet to be bitten. It’s just that me with my sensitive skin… I’m resuming vacuuming daily as well as the additional spraying of lemongrass essential oils. John went to OSH to buy Borax, but the clerk said that shit has been flying off the shelves. All out.

I feel so behind with work and learning… Last Thursday before we headed off for Pasadena, I went to a local credit union to do my realtor intro to a loan officer. Got all dressed up and took my cone of popcorn… the guy was out and is by appointment only. Ugh. Then I tried to schedule something with a different bank, but yesterday I was sick and now she’s out until Friday. I feel like I need to just get it going so I can demonstrate to myself that it’s not that hard. Haha. Mind games to trudge forward.

Pasadena

J and I flew into Burbank last Thursday to meet up with his former coworker and friend A. She is originally from Burbank, and she invited us to join her for the Rose Parade, an item on her bucket list. Unfortunately, she’d fallen ill a few days before and then J woke up with a sore throat the day we were to fly down… None of this foiled our plans, but it just made the experience a little less enjoyable.

A is an executive assistant/chief of staff for a tech company, so she’s a planner. And oh boy was it nice to have everything all booked and researched before we got there! I just had to get our air ticket (Companion Pass FTW) and rental car, and then as soon as we touched down, A had already researched places for lunch. What a nice change of pace!

The AirBnb she booked was super adorbs… it was a renovated garage in a very cute part of town in Pasadena. The only thing was, it was a studio (murphy bed + pullout couch) which A didn’t realize and it was very cold inside. There was a hot tub and pool but the hot tub was drained and the pool was unheated. Otherwise, it was a great place… just with the unseasonably cold weather and rain, I was basically chilled to the bone for three days.

Still, we saw all kinds of things: drove through old town Pasadena, did a drive-by to CalTech, checked out Christmas Tree Lane in a wealthy part of town (classy, not obnoxious lights), hit up Huntington Gardens and Griffith Observatory. We saw a lot in just a few short days. And I really like southern California: it’s much more artsy/creative and socio-economically diverse… meaning there are so many more venues for art (I mean, I guess Hollywood is not far) and not EVERYONE is in software/tech like people disproportionately are in Silicon Valley. Housing is still pricey but less so (I had my realtor apps open the whole time), and food is like consistently good and cheaper! That’s right: I’m planting the seed now. LA is a possibility for future places to live!

Btw, A turned us on to an incredibly delicious drink: we hit up the BevMo and made this every. single. day. The Archer’s Peppermint Patty is no fucking joke. You gotta make it!

We attended the Rose Parade our final day in LA. Pretty cool experience, and I’m glad it was on A’s bucket list, bc it’s not something we would have otherwise done. Ever. Funny though: A is so much more gregarious and vocal than J and I are. For example, with every float, she was so excited and full of compliments and positivity. J and I were just quiet– like the shit was cool for sure, but there are similarities from float to float and more top of mind for me than anything, was that I was FREEZING my ass off.

Traveling with other people, you also realize just how different we all are. Like at the airport, one agent was handling inquiries from passengers at two different gates… she was really good about managing the queue and providing customer service: She would manage expectations by saying hold on: lemme get these passengers onto their flight departing now, and then I’ll help this couple, then this group, then you. Thank you for your patience.

She was super pleasant and nice the whole time. After she helped us, J and I said thanks and walked away. But A like REALLY thanked the agent: Thanks for processing all of us and you were so pleasant managing all those simultaneous requests… you are great at what you do!

And while me relaying what A said might sound too much or insincere, it was totally natural and genuine. I really took that as a reminder that you can never really acknowledge people enough. Gratitude is a beautiful thing and I hope that I can learn to express it more often.[FAG id=7500]

Recent Reads

The other day, I was sitting around feeling sorry for myself bc well, Martin. Then, I came across this article, and it reminded me of something my father has drilled into my brain from a very young age: life is unfair. I have grasped that concept very well, particularly from the perspective of being someone so privileged and realizing that my life really is a cakewalk compared to what else is happening in the world. That’s not to dismiss my emotions and my pain, but… shit, this is some goddamn perspective: Do you care more about a dog than a refugee?

On the lighter side of things, this fascinates me bc it feels like something I would do. I mean, not the bar/hookup part, but the blast from the past kinda thing… A Valentine’s Hey.