Well, I’m finally back to my Silicon Valley bubble. I’m pretty proud of myself for surviving five days and four nights in one of the most uninhabitable places on Earth. Think I’m exaggerating? Um, it was 5 degrees our first morning there. I was consistently dressed in three layers on the bottom and 5+ layers on the top, not to mention gloves, hats, multiple socks. Whew, I am glad to be home.
Other than the elements, the trip was a good time. There were seven of us total… two couples and three single gals. Except for me, all the ladies were connected to Nathalie via veterinary school at St. George’s in Grenada. Their grad class was 2005, so they’ve all been out in the real world practicing for over ten years already. I pretty much got along with everyone there… Initially, I was on the quiet side, getting acclimated to the altitude (7500 ft.) and the cold and I mean, being the odd man out. The spouses of the two gals were one quiet and one extroverted, but man, we were from all over! Nathalie is a small animal vet in North Carolina, then one couple ran a beef cattle ranch in Minnesota (the wife is a slaughterhouse inspector for the USDA), another couple lived in Florida (the vet is a surgeon), and then the other lady was an ER vet in South Carolina. It’s pretty funny, bc as with any group, there’s a quieter one, a feisty and opinionated one, and then more accommodating personalities. According to them, vets tend to be Type A personalities, and from the get go, I knew I was running in a different crowd bc I didn’t have to plan a damn thing! All the logistics were worked out, and anytime there was a question or point of confusion, the other people jumped without a second’s hesitation to ask the resort staff and get answers immediately. So different from traveling with Bubs, you know? Haha.
At one point, one of them asked me how I felt being thrown into their group. Was it awkward or weird? I was like, “Um, I have a very long history of social awkwardness so it is not a big deal being the odd person out. That’s practically my life story.” Truth.
Some other interesting observations. This was my first time doing an all-inclusive resort package kind of thing. We had the biggest lodge on campus, the Ridgetop at the top of the hill. That place was MONSTER, and everything worked out such that we all had our own rooms with even a full suite to spare. The Discovery package included lodging, meals, ski/snowshoe rentals, the sleigh ride, shuttles to the airport one hour away… it was pretty sweet and given the amount of amenities we used and the food we consumed, I think it was well worth what we paid. It is esp nice not having to figure out the bill at the end of each meal and tip and what not.
On the other hand, bc everything was included, the bargain side of me kicked in, and I’m sure we easily consumed 6000+ calories a day. The food was delicious but it was cowboy fare, so lots of (gourmet) meat and starches. Four days straight of that diet, and it’s enough to kill you. Seriously, my clothes were getting tighter and tighter day by day. When I complained to Bubbey, he replied, “Well, I don’t see anybody shoveling all that food down your piehole.” Touche, Mr. Tough Love. No sympathy there.
Sure, we participated in a lot of intense activities: a morning sleigh ride, three hours of snowshoeing, x-country skiing, hot tubbing, plus all the trudging up and down the hill from our lodge… Nevertheless, I know we weren’t even close to breaking even on the calories. Oh well. Detox begins today.
My biggest conclusion from the adventure? I really do hate the snow and cold. Like in the past, I thought maybe I could live in Chicago or Vancouver or something. Nope, I am no longer deluded. Yeah sure, the landscape is majestic and beautiful, but shit, I cannot be inconvenienced with having to spend ten extra minutes putting the layers on and off. It’s a good thing N and I go way back (7th grade!), bc I really don’t think I’m doing that ever again. Just saying. I like the mountains, but I’m never going in the winter. Note to self. Mark my words.
My fav part of the trip was def the dog sledding, despite my propensity for near-death experiences. On day 1, when we went down to the dining lodge for breakfast, we all dressed light(er), bc we said we would eat and go back to the lodge to layer up. As it turned out, we were accosted by the Montana Tourism Bureau in the breakfast hall: they were shooting video of a sleigh ride and needed riders. Oh yeah, sure, we’re game.
Um, it turned into 90 minutes in the freezing cold, on a shaded path through the forest. I must have looked super frozen, bc the Bureau dude who sat next to me asked if I was ok and then he gave me the handwarmer packets from inside his gloves to put into mine. I mean, I must have looked totally blue. I thought I was going to get frostbite and have to amputate my toes. It was so fucking cold. I was like, Here you go Nathalie. I chopped off my toes. Happy bday! Yes, I was being dramatic, but shit, my body was shutting down.
Day 2, N hit the slopes with a few people, and then the remaining three of us went snowshoeing. I tried my best to manage expectations: I’m good for 90 minutes in the snow, I told them. Well, our adventure took 3 hours. Yup, you can’t ever trust the whiteys. SMH. And snowshoeing is so much work going uphill. A few times, I mis-stepped off the trail and my whole leg got engulfed in snow. Who lives in these conditions??? I mean, here’s the thing. If you live in a place where– should your car break down and you are unable to reach help– you will DIE in an hour, it’s not a place for humans. Am I right? Whether it’s the cold or the desert… think about it. You pretty much HAVE to have special equipment or electricity or you die.
Anyway, I liked the two ladies I went snowshoeing with. We had fun, and I liked hearing about different vet cases and patients and such. One lady her mom is a travel agent, so I was asking all sorts of scoop on that. For the beef rancher, she pretty much confirmed that ranch life is not glamorous at. all. I had a hunch before, but I’m now wholeheartedly convinced that farm life is never gonna be Bub’s and my thing. We’re just a tad too soft and too deluxe and too city. I gotta be honest with myself, you know? Waking up at the butt crack of dawn to clean stalls and shovel shit… not my thing. I can’t even get up and go to the gym and that place has a heated pool and sauna!!!
Day 3 we decided to use more amenities and sign up for x-country skiing. I thought maybe it would be something in between alpine skiing and snow shoeing. OMFG, those damn skis. Who can keep from stepping on them?!? And that sliding motion is so goddamn unnatural. I hated x-country, and again, we were out on those trails for like 3 hours. I started to get SUPER cranky and I was at the end of the pack. Fucking two days of death marching in the damn snow.
Day 4 was dog sledding. When we turned up, one of the staffers was this huge burly guy. His face was so red– like bluish-frostbitten red. I ain’t about that life. They had like 90 doggies– all dirty and rugged, pooping and peeing everywhere. I mean, it was good exposure for me bc too often I’m like living in the Disneyfied version of the world, apparently. But I mean, that dude and those dogs– that was true ruggedness.
The sledding was really unique and cool. We split off into groups and I started as a rider in the sled, then later we switched and I was the driver. I had TWO incidents where I fell off the fucking sled. The second time, I still grabbed on for dear life and the dogs dragged me along. It reminded me of those times I tried to get up the wall at the Ninja Warrior gym. I just dangled there for fucking ever. Yup, the sledding incidents were embarrassing, but whatev. Yet another awkward moment for the books! Like I said earlier: I’m not rated for this godforsaken place. It just continued the theme.
The other eyeopening thing about this trip? I re-affirmed that I am a big time curmudgeon. The whole time, everyone in the group was so chipper and happy and excited about being there. From the get go, they were like, we should have booked this place for a WEEK or TWO! And they were like, we gotta do this every year…. Say what, Willis? It was just funny the contrast. I mean, I was happy to be there bc I mean, it’s N’s big 4-0. And the place was beautiful, but more days? And a return trip in the winter? Hell no. And I am def not nearly as expressive as her other friends. I realized that I’m kinda like my parents that way… stoical and just not that happy or positive about anything. Am I going down that path? Perhaps. Or maybe I’ll just hold steady where I am. See? Too much fucking self-reflection.
Anyway, here are the pics. Big Sky, Montana. Cross it off the list. :)[FAG id=7501]