Monthly Archives: January 2017

Mountain Retreat

Well, I’m finally back to my Silicon Valley bubble. I’m pretty proud of myself for surviving five days and four nights in one of the most uninhabitable places on Earth. Think I’m exaggerating? Um, it was 5 degrees our first morning there. I was consistently dressed in three layers on the bottom and 5+ layers on the top, not to mention gloves, hats, multiple socks. Whew, I am glad to be home.

Other than the elements, the trip was a good time. There were seven of us total… two couples and three single gals. Except for me, all the ladies were connected to Nathalie via veterinary school at St. George’s in Grenada. Their grad class was 2005, so they’ve all been out in the real world practicing for over ten years already. I pretty much got along with everyone there… Initially, I was on the quiet side, getting acclimated to the altitude (7500 ft.) and the cold and I mean, being the odd man out. The spouses of the two gals were one quiet and one extroverted, but man, we were from all over! Nathalie is a small animal vet in North Carolina, then one couple ran a beef cattle ranch in Minnesota (the wife is a slaughterhouse inspector for the USDA), another couple lived in Florida (the vet is a surgeon), and then the other lady was an ER vet in South Carolina. It’s pretty funny, bc as with any group, there’s a quieter one, a feisty and opinionated one, and then more accommodating personalities. According to them, vets tend to be Type A personalities, and from the get go, I knew I was running in a different crowd bc I didn’t have to plan a damn thing! All the logistics were worked out, and anytime there was a question or point of confusion, the other people jumped without a second’s hesitation to ask the resort staff and get answers immediately. So different from traveling with Bubs, you know? Haha.

At one point, one of them asked me how I felt being thrown into their group. Was it awkward or weird? I was like, “Um, I have a very long history of social awkwardness so it is not a big deal being the odd person out. That’s practically my life story.” Truth.

Some other interesting observations. This was my first time doing an all-inclusive resort package kind of thing. We had the biggest lodge on campus, the Ridgetop at the top of the hill. That place was MONSTER, and everything worked out such that we all had our own rooms with even a full suite to spare. The Discovery package included lodging, meals, ski/snowshoe rentals, the sleigh ride, shuttles to the airport one hour away… it was pretty sweet and given the amount of amenities we used and the food we consumed, I think it was well worth what we paid. It is esp nice not having to figure out the bill at the end of each meal and tip and what not.

On the other hand, bc everything was included, the bargain side of me kicked in, and I’m sure we easily consumed 6000+ calories a day. The food was delicious but it was cowboy fare, so lots of (gourmet) meat and starches. Four days straight of that diet, and it’s enough to kill you. Seriously, my clothes were getting tighter and tighter day by day. When I complained to Bubbey, he replied, “Well, I don’t see anybody shoveling all that food down your piehole.” Touche, Mr. Tough Love. No sympathy there.

Sure, we participated in a lot of intense activities: a morning sleigh ride, three hours of snowshoeing, x-country skiing, hot tubbing, plus all the trudging up and down the hill from our lodge… Nevertheless, I know we weren’t even close to breaking even on the calories. Oh well. Detox begins today.

My biggest conclusion from the adventure? I really do hate the snow and cold. Like in the past, I thought maybe I could live in Chicago or Vancouver or something. Nope, I am no longer deluded. Yeah sure, the landscape is majestic and beautiful, but shit, I cannot be inconvenienced with having to spend ten extra minutes putting the layers on and off. It’s a good thing N and I go way back (7th grade!), bc I really don’t think I’m doing that ever again. Just saying. I like the mountains, but I’m never going in the winter. Note to self. Mark my words.

My fav part of the trip was def the dog sledding, despite my propensity for near-death experiences. On day 1, when we went down to the dining lodge for breakfast, we all dressed light(er), bc we said we would eat and go back to the lodge to layer up. As it turned out, we were accosted by the Montana Tourism Bureau in the breakfast hall: they were shooting video of a sleigh ride and needed riders. Oh yeah, sure, we’re game.

Um, it turned into 90 minutes in the freezing cold, on a shaded path through the forest. I must have looked super frozen, bc the Bureau dude who sat next to me asked if I was ok and then he gave me the handwarmer packets from inside his gloves to put into mine. I mean, I must have looked totally blue. I thought I was going to get frostbite and have to amputate my toes. It was so fucking cold. I was like, Here you go Nathalie. I chopped off my toes. Happy bday! Yes, I was being dramatic, but shit, my body was shutting down.

Day 2, N hit the slopes with a few people, and then the remaining three of us went snowshoeing. I tried my best to manage expectations: I’m good for 90 minutes in the snow, I told them. Well, our adventure took 3 hours. Yup, you can’t ever trust the whiteys. SMH. And snowshoeing is so much work going uphill. A few times, I mis-stepped off the trail and my whole leg got engulfed in snow. Who lives in these conditions??? I mean, here’s the thing. If you live in a place where– should your car break down and you are unable to reach help– you will DIE in an hour, it’s not a place for humans. Am I right? Whether it’s the cold or the desert… think about it. You pretty much HAVE to have special equipment or electricity or you die.

Anyway, I liked the two ladies I went snowshoeing with. We had fun, and I liked hearing about different vet cases and patients and such. One lady her mom is a travel agent, so I was asking all sorts of scoop on that. For the beef rancher, she pretty much confirmed that ranch life is not glamorous at. all. I had a hunch before, but I’m now wholeheartedly convinced that farm life is never gonna be Bub’s and my thing. We’re just a tad too soft and too deluxe and too city. I gotta be honest with myself, you know? Waking up at the butt crack of dawn to clean stalls and shovel shit… not my thing. I can’t even get up and go to the gym and that place has a heated pool and sauna!!!

Day 3 we decided to use more amenities and sign up for x-country skiing. I thought maybe it would be something in between alpine skiing and snow shoeing. OMFG, those damn skis. Who can keep from stepping on them?!? And that sliding motion is so goddamn unnatural. I hated x-country, and again, we were out on those trails for like 3 hours. I started to get SUPER cranky and I was at the end of the pack. Fucking two days of death marching in the damn snow.

Day 4 was dog sledding. When we turned up, one of the staffers was this huge burly guy. His face was so red– like bluish-frostbitten red. I ain’t about that life. They had like 90 doggies– all dirty and rugged, pooping and peeing everywhere. I mean, it was good exposure for me bc too often I’m like living in the Disneyfied version of the world, apparently. But I mean, that dude and those dogs– that was true ruggedness.

The sledding was really unique and cool. We split off into groups and I started as a rider in the sled, then later we switched and I was the driver. I had TWO incidents where I fell off the fucking sled. The second time, I still grabbed on for dear life and the dogs dragged me along. It reminded me of those times I tried to get up the wall at the Ninja Warrior gym. I just dangled there for fucking ever. Yup, the sledding incidents were embarrassing, but whatev. Yet another awkward moment for the books! Like I said earlier: I’m not rated for this godforsaken place. It just continued the theme.

The other eyeopening thing about this trip? I re-affirmed that I am a big time curmudgeon. The whole time, everyone in the group was so chipper and happy and excited about being there. From the get go, they were like, we should have booked this place for a WEEK or TWO! And they were like, we gotta do this every year…. Say what, Willis? It was just funny the contrast. I mean, I was happy to be there bc I mean, it’s N’s big 4-0. And the place was beautiful, but more days? And a return trip in the winter? Hell no. And I am def not nearly as expressive as her other friends. I realized that I’m kinda like my parents that way… stoical and just not that happy or positive about anything. Am I going down that path? Perhaps. Or maybe I’ll just hold steady where I am. See? Too much fucking self-reflection.

Anyway, here are the pics. Big Sky, Montana. Cross it off the list. :)[FAG id=7501]

Eldercare Round 3

Holy crap, it has been one hell of a week! On Tuesday night, after my father-in-law was admitted to the hospital following multiple incidents of falling and fainting, doctors ran a bunch of tests and concluded that the culprit was leukemia, specifically CMML. The physician suggested a series of chemo treatments (to start the very next day: Wednesday, January 25), with the goal of providing two years of “good quality of life.” Say, what? Just. like. that. Life changes in a flash.

On Tuesday evening, J used his United MileagePlus points (once again… the only airline that offers non-gouging award flights on zero notice) to fly out first thing Wednesday morning. He already had a trip planned back East for February 1, but given the complexity and severity of the situation, sooner seemed better. The family delayed the chemo start one more day so they could discuss the approach further amongst themselves and seek additional clarification from the doctor. My FIL was very apprehensive about undergoing such a plan with his advanced age, but after further consultation, chemo emerged as the only true option forward.

J’s presence has been instrumental in handling meals for his mom, shuttling her to the hospital to visit dad, and keeping track of all the medical info. Similar to my experience in May 2015 when my grandfather underwent brain surgery and was laid up in the ICU, J is exhausted doing all these things that fall under the generic yet inadequate umbrella term of “caretaking.” Jesus, that term totally does not do the role justice.

Anyway, so far the chemo has gone well. J says Dad goes in and out of lucidity (supposedly very common among old folks) and he is increasingly weak, but the doctor says the post scans and blood results show the treatment is performing as expected. Good news! 

Full Day of Research

As soon as I woke up this morning, I called my parents. I’m actually surprised I didn’t get the usual call from them on Friday or Saturday night… anyway, they are gearing up for another trip back to Asia, and honestly, my dad did not sound or look well. He is stressed.

He keeps saying there’s too much to do and he’s trying to simplify, but I dunno: I feel like it’s a year later and he still hasn’t offloaded multiple properties that were already pending last year… it’s complicated. And then when I asked him about the primary residence, again, he said the house behind them is for sale so there’s too much competition.

I repeated to him that we have limited time, and we lived and enjoyed the family home for many decades. It doesn’t have to have a high return on investment, bc it’s not an investment property. Ugh. He always agrees, but then when push comes to shove, he basically sticks with his original thinking. In other words, he verbally agrees, but then his actions don’t. It’s frustrating.

I also reiterated that he and mom need to decide where they want to live: Taiwan or the US, bc we are going to need to start researching places, esp given mom’s declining mental state. I asked if mom even likes living in Taiwan, and he said he didn’t know. See? That’s how damn detached my family is from their emotions. Everything is a pragmatic decision to the point that they don’t even recognize having preferences or wants. Argh!!

I then said I wanted to speak to mom, and as he walked the phone (Facetime) upstairs, he started to cry, saying yes, take the opportunity now to talk to her while she still knows who we are… And then my heart just kind of broke.

After all these years, I have only seen my father cry a handful of times. He didn’t even cry when his mother died. I tried to stay strong and focus on next actions. Last week, Johnny had emailed dad all this stuff about the benefits of meditation in combating dementia. I didn’t read the email, but I had seen the subject line since my dad has me monitor his email. I asked dad, and he just said he couldn’t ever rely on my brother and he didn’t read any of that. He didn’t print it out for mom either, bc she won’t be able to read and understand it. It’s true: Johnny linked to like medical abstracts and shit… I mean, I guess he’s trying to appeal to my dad’s medical background to convince/persuade him, but Jesus Christ, my father is no longer in that state. He is clearly overwhelmed.

Still, I’m glad Johnny brought up the topic, bc it is indeed true. So I told my dad that I would research meditation and yoga exercises and send them forward. I pretty much researched shit all day long: I combed through YouTube to find decent guided exercises— one in meditation and then several for chair yoga. My parents need to fucking get moving! Seriously, their isolation and sedentary lifestyle is only worsening their decline! And this is certainly a reminder that I need to get my own activity levels going…

After that research, I started looking into assisted living options. There are A LOT in this area, and I even found a Chinese community, but it’s kinda gross inside. And my dad likes shit new, clean, and fancy. I cross-referenced a bunch of sources: Yelp, Caring.com, US News & World Reports… I have a list now but shit, maybe I’ll just drop in and tour a few. Price-wise, holy shit that crap is expensive. We’re talking $7k-$9k/month and I don’t even know if that includes having to buy the property or what. Argh!! J also suggested looking a bit father out, like maybe Walnut Creek or Morgan Hill…

And then I suddenly felt so deflated. I mean, how scary to not know where to live and then to enter into a community where you don’t know anybody… My parents aren’t exactly social people, and… I dunno. Thinking about the whole thing just made me so sad. I mean, fortunately, my parents have resources, but shit, while they are rich in resources, they are certainly poor in friendships and in community. I was glad to find many of the places offering programs for dementia and Alzheimer’s, but then I was thinking: how uncomfortable will it be for dad if he has to hang out with all dementia people? Is it better then to have them buy a condo/residence and then we hire in-home care? I just don’t know, and I doubt that they even know. Then, it’s like: should they live with us? Seems unlikely and yet I worry about them finding a suitable place. And now I see the dilemmas they’ve been facing all along with my grandparents… This life shit really does come full circle, right? I’m feeling so overwhelmed.

Meanwhile, my father in-law fell multiple times last week. Then his feet started swelling and now he’s in the hospital until Tuesday. His bloodwork shows a serious infection: he received multiple blood transfusions and is now on oxygen. Before, doctors thought he had Parkinson’s bc he seemed to respond to those meds, but now they are suspecting leukemia or MDS. My mind is racing in a gabillion directions right now. I’m gonna have to start up on that meditation shit myself.

Today I Marched

With networking events every single night this week, by Friday evening, I was just pooped. I had originally planned to march in San Jose on Saturday, but with the torrential rains and whatever, my resolve was quickly waning.

This morning, I woke up still feeling sluggish and slow to get going. But I went. And I’m so glad I did. I coordinated going with my friend W. Then, during the march, I met up with T and an old crew from my govvie job. It was good to see everyone, and thankfully, it didn’t rain! Most importantly, it felt comforting gathering with so many people in solidarity for women’s rights.

Unfortunately though, by the time we reached the march destination for the speakers, I was distracted. I couldn’t hear the speakers very well, and then W and I got into our own conversation about real estate…

We left the march in the early afternoon and went back to her house. There, we got into a different conversation with her husband about democracy and progress and the future. He was hopeful and encouraging, but he also stressed that today is only the beginning.

Tonight, while catching up on my blog, I realized something I neglected to mention earlier. On Tuesday, when I randomly went into credit unions and banks to meet with their loan agents, one of the people I met was the mother of Audrie Pott. I only pieced together what that truly meant later after I’d gone home to research all my new contacts via LinkedIn. I noticed in her profile, the Audrie Pott Foundation. The name sounded familiar but I couldn’t quite place it. Then, after a quick Google, to my horror, I was reminded of the tragic story.

I have yet to watch the documentary about Audrie’s story, and already, I am overcome with anger and sadness and disbelief. THIS is why I marched today. Women in the US have come a long way, but my god, there is still so much farther to go. When boys and men think it’s ok to disrespect us, to abuse us, to assault us… there is something still so very wrong. Rape culture is fucking real. These boys– childhood friends whom she trusted– they did this to her!! And there was no remorse. No regret. This is fucking bullshit, and we have to ask, how/where are these kids learning this????

This is why it matters when Trump says shit like “go grab the pussy” and when he gropes and assaults women without consequence. Learn about consent, you fucking asshole!

I am so sickened by people who say they voted for Trump. They defend their vote, insisting that they are NOT bigots or sexists or assholes, but that they want lower taxes or they want factories and jobs to stay domestic. The ONE good doesn’t justify all the bad, you know? Jesus Christ! Would you invite your accused pedophile uncle to live in your house with your family just bc he promised to give you free childcare? You can’t be a cafeteria Catholic and pick out the good but ignore the bad! Trump is a goddamn disaster: shrewd businessman or not, he lacks integrity and honesty. And now you’ve given him the most powerful position in the country. I am disgusted.

I’m so Fancy!

Man, I need to start waking up earlier. Now that I gotta dress up for work and shit, my get ready time has ballooned from ten minutes to like an hour. Holy fuck.

On Tuesday, I had my appointment with the fancy pants loan officer, the one who invited me to the country club. Shiiit, I must have changed three times, bc I was trying to style my recent Schoola items and then they felt a little too quirkly or not formal/professional enough… then I had to wear hose bc my fucking legs are still riddled in flea bites. Jesus fucking Christ. I know, that shit is never ending.

I thought our daily vacuuming and borax treatment resolved the issue, but I dunno. Our daycare client has fleas even though he’s on the flea meds, and honestly, I think bugs are coming in just whenever we go outside and come back home. I dunno.

I got that silk sleep sack (after I had to deal with those scratchy sheets at my parents’ house), and that was working pretty well (supposedly, the fabric is so tight-knit that fleas can’t penetrate. And for a few nights, I was wearing my silk long johns, but a few days later, I got new bites and holy fuck, a flea had gotten into the sleep sack. Argh!! Sleeping with the goddamn enemy! I know, I’m sure you’re feeling itchy now and getting kinda grossed out. Let me just say: Bubbey still has not gotten a single fucking bite!!! Goddamn white privilege, man. Haha! And I don’t believe any visitors have gotten bites (Please inform me if otherwise). So really, it’s just a problem for me bc of my annoyingly weak constitution and apparent allergies to bug bites. Sigh.

I will say, that sleep sack is amazing with how much warmth it adds. Silk is no games, man. Light and thin as fuck but wow, it packs a punch. That shit is going to save my ass next week in Montana.

But back to playing dress up. It’s nice to look polished and such. I’ll just need to speed up my morning routine so we can get that prep time down to something reasonable. My skin was having a shit storm earlier this month, but I’m finally getting back on a consistent routine with taking my BCP and my complexion is getting better. Whew.

Incidentally, my meeting with fancypants went really well. He totally got it! The whole symbiotic realtor-loan officer relationship? I didn’t even have to explain. He just said, yeah lady, you’re gonna have to give me way more business cards than that! I help you, and you help me! He was cool. After that meeting, I was feeling encouraged and energized, so I drove down the main strip and hit up three more credit unions and three more banks. The rest of the day was hit or miss, but at least I ended up with two agents who are definitely keen on working together. Yay!

Making Time for Fun

Now that my hustling has kicked into high gear, my calendars are starting to look a bit unruly. I have so many appointments, trainings, and events in there that I now use timeblocks to show my open lunch and dinner slots. I know, this sounds like a humblebrag. It’s not, but you know how I am about my Google calendars. I’m subscribed to two feeds for the office, so there’s a ton of shit that auto populates. Thankfully, I don’t go to everything single office activity… I go to A LOT, but not all.

For  MLK I took some time out to chill. I spent most of the day with my bud M in her neck of the woods. We grabbed lunch (she found a delicious Mexican taqueria via a walk-by– I know, I can’t even recall the last time I did that! I’m all OCD with using Yelp!). Afterwards, we hit up a Chinese foot spa… a decent spot with good ambiance and only $25!! We’ll need to patronize both businesses again.

I enjoy learning things from my friends. Even though I’m constantly researching shit for myself (J calls me the Tea Researcher– the name of a tea shop from back in the day in Shanghai) and now I also do it for my job (vetting contractors and vendors and such), I like discovering new spots from other people. I mean, sometimes people have different standards or criteria (esp with restaurants), but these two places were solid. MK also turned me on to voice-activated Phillips Hue lights, which I thought were interesting in their technological advancement…

On learning about them, I made the mistake of mentioning to Bubbey and shit, Bubs isn’t about to get behind on the home automation trend… So now we have the Hue lights, controlled by our Alexa. Sheesh. How extraneous can we be!?!?! Ah well, live it up while we can, I suppose.

Bubbey is doing well. He’s really getting into that leatherworking intensive course he’s taking in SF. He came home last week with a leather wallet he made, all hand-stitched. I was impressed. Since he started the class though, Amazon has been to the house nearly every. damn. day, dropping off leatherworking tools, materials, and supplies. The Houseboat is running out of space!

In other news, we are still meeting with contractors for the bathroom remodel, bc the job kinda takes us down the rabbit hole. The bathroom work will involve plumbing work, potentially all new gas lines for the house, and then possibly a new roof (gas lines puncture through the roof). Yup, 2017 might just be the year of the Houseboat Money Pit. And with all this torrential rain we’ve been getting, we’re lucky the drought is over but shit, I need to be reminded (really soon) of the reasons why we’re paying a premium to live here! In other words, bring on the sunshine!!

What else. My animal shelter drive is going well. It’s been great too for reconnecting with my old Rover clients. Last weekend, I made two house calls to pick up gifted goods. I reunited with Bubble Boy (Sparky) as well as Cody. In both cases, it was really nice to catch up with their mommies too. That’s the cool thing about Rover: I’ve met some really nice people. Speaking of which, my current daycare client is a legit regular. I think his parents are seriously seeking 20 days/month for daycare. If I continue with this doggie and also resume daycare with my former (whippet) client, that’s a decent small stream of “passive” income! Yup, I’ve been attending a lot of networking events lately, and shit, I want a better handle over my finances. That’s what the experts say: too often women just obsess about saving, but they don’t really think about growing their money and about passive income streams… that’s how you really build a cushion and generate wealth. More goals. More to dos!

Hustling Hard

Over the long holiday weekend, I toured a number of homes… this was good practice bc I took Bubs along on Saturday to be like a sample client and well, I learned a lot about logistics. This work is really keeping me on my toes. It’s not enough that I filter out the open houses and input them into my Google maps. Oh no, there was a whole host of deficiencies revealed with my car organization and work flow. First, my devices are like perpetually low battery. Not only am I now using an app to track my car mileage, but every real estate app plus mapping and gps sucks down the juice fast! I had a few external batteries on hand but then for some reason, my iPad would charge with one but not the other. Then, I had my devices mounted on suction cups in the car so I could use them hands free. The fucking suctions kept falling off the window or dash. Seriously, it was one thing after the other. My keys now are clunky as fuck bc I have a fob for lock boxes and then when I’m dressed up in fancy clothes, I don’t have pockets. So like my devices were falling off the dash and then my keys were in my lap but fell into that console crevice when I made a hard turn. I have my monster purse that I put under my legs when someone is sitting in the passenger seat. Then, with all the flyers and papers from the open houses, I had no file tote or anything to gather them. Bottom line: the Saturday dry run was a fucking god awful disaster.

I took Bubbey to see three places: a new construction model home (two models open) and two single family homes in more “affordable” parts of Sunnyvale. Of course, the new construction was nice, but then the single family homes were very shabby and super sketch. Both were clearly inhabited by Chinese hoarders AND they were converted to operate either as a worker dorm or as a brothel. I mean, I have seen a lot of hoarder, dirty, dingy places in my life and these two gave both of us the creeps. It was a very good reminder that location seriously matters. If you buy, squeeze yourself into the smallest place in a good hood before buying anything in a shady community. It was eye opening for reals.

I also learned a lot that day about what NOT to do as an agent holding an open house. One agent couldn’t shake my hand, bc she had just done her nails– tour traffic was slow, she explained. Another agent was super rude and distracted, on the phone handling another property matter. Sure, shit happens but she really could have been a bit more polite to people coming in. She didn’t even try to thank people for stopping by. Weird.

We only saw a few places, but by the end of these two hours, both of us were freaking exhausted. And I mean, it was very clear that I needed to implement a system!

Thankfully the next day, I got organized. Hit up Office Depot and got a portable file box plus sticky pads to replace my suctions plus plastic pockets for both console crevices. The latter is my fav so far bc holy crap, now I have a place for my keys and external batteries and I no longer have to smash my hand into that tight spot trying to fish shit out of there. I have also decided to use Google offline maps to get around the lack of service issue. Hopefully the second dry run will be a better experience for Bubbey.

Vulnerability

So my father called me this morning about mom’s MRI results. Not good. While the contusions appear minor (at less than 1 cm2), there is definitely white matter that, coupled with her failed results on the cognitive tests, suggests something is def abnormal. The doctor suggested doing another MRI with contrast dye in another month to see if anything changes… At this point, there are further tests that can confirm whether this is Alzheimer’s or “regular” dementia (80% of dementia cases turn out to be Alzheimer’s), but Alzheimer’s seems to be the likely scenario (my maternal grandmother has it right now). There’s no cure for Alzheimer’s, just meds to slow its progression. And of course, those meds have side effects. My dad didn’t say specifically what those are… Dad’s doctor friend suggested that giving mom more things to do and handle would be good for her brain. I’m trying to think about what puzzles or such she would even have the capacity to do. I dunno.

Both dad and I were kinda matter-of-fact about everything on the phone. I suppose a part of me isn’t that surprised, but now I’m feeling regretful that so many times in the past, I reacted so angrily to her confusion. I really am the worst.

As soon as I got off the phone, J asked if she was afraid. I don’t even know. I didn’t ask. When I talked to her, it was our usual distant, random conversation. Forty years later, I still don’t know how to have a real relationship with my parents. And that makes me sad. I spend all this time and effort trying to build my emotional/social intelligence so I can connect better with friends and strangers and yet I am completely unable to exert the same effort for my parents. Why? I have interacted with them using frustration and anger and contempt for so fucking long, I don’t even know how to find the other emotions!

This evening, I was on the phone with dad doing tech support. He seemed more energetic than usual about learning how to do stuff… maybe he freshly motivated knowing he’ll need to step up his game to take care of my mom, or maybe he’s trying harder so as to not doubly frustrate me. Despite his new verve, I sensed a vulnerability in him that I hadn’t noticed before. I wonder about this process of spending your entire adult life loving one person, building and raising a family together, and then knowing that slowly, that person will become less and less recognizable. What must that decline and growing distance feel like? The loss of the mind. The loss of your best friend and life companion. It’s a very scary thing.

Earlier today, I did some weird mental exercise where I ranked possible illnesses and diseases for my mother. Would it be better if she had cancer? A stroke? kidney disease? I worry about my capacity for kindness and compassion towards my mother, especially since our communication has always been tenuous. If I can’t communicate with her, or she can’t grasp what’s happening, or she doesn’t know who we are… what do we do? And how incredibly lonely and harrowing a journey that will be for her. I don’t know how to be warm and loving. How will I dig deep and become the daughter I need to be?

Getting Down to Business

Well, I did it! I had my inaugural meeting with a loan agent, and honestly, the first one went ok! Not stellar, but ok. The lady was a very experienced pro, and we chatted for about 30 minutes. She seemed a little hurried, with appointments on both sides of mine, but she was knowledgeable and sharp. Sadly, since she was formerly an in-house loan processor for a realty office, she already had her list of go-to agents. Still, it was a worthy exercise, if anything, to break myself in. And my popcorn cone gift was decently received. Thankfully, it’s something that I can cram into my monster handbag and not show up to these meetings with a shit ton of stuff in my arms.

Afterwards, I was very relieved the meeting was over, but at the same time, I felt a headache brewing. Still, I decided that since I was already all dressed up (that shit is taking longer and longer these days bc my starting canvas is a mess and you know, the final presentation has to be fancier than before), I might as well take advantage. So, on the way home, I pulled over at another bank and did a walk-in. No appointment, and oddly, there was no service person tending to the queue. WTH? After a few minutes of awkward looking around trying to figure out the system, I had no choice but to get in line for the teller. When I told her I was a realtor looking to speak with a loan officer, she was all confused, like are you getting a loan for yourself? Guess my coach is right: realtors hitting up lenders for cross-referral business is a rare thing.

This guy was very pleasant. Right off the bat, he told me his bank is different in that it offers home loans to H1B1 visa holders, which is mostly tech workers from overseas. Still, who knew that option even existed? He also was very amenable to working together and co-hosting open houses and homebuy seminars and such. Very positive experience. Another thing I’ve learned? These officers are on call,  man. Their turn around times for pre-approvals is speedy– like hours and even outside business hours. I like that hustle.

Man, by the time I got home, I was wiped. All that mental anxiety and shit… it beats the body down! But I def patted myself on the back. Nothing more satisfying than a Vix getting down to business!

On Friday, I had another appointment with a loan officer in swanky downtown Los Altos. I had a great rapport with this lady. She was a gracious about my chintzy popcorn and then we actually sat down and did an exercise, with like some client earning x, saving y, blah, blah. Just a sample case scenario. It was so helpful! And then she turned me on to options to increase down payment. For example, for some people, they can use money from their 401k for downpayment and then pay themselves back later. Another secret, right? I think too she was quite impressed that I was just starting up and building my business and going around introducing myself to loan agents. Haha. My coach knows his shit! As I was wrapping up, her new hire came in (I had already scouted out that lady’s profile online too) and we introduced one another. My coach has mentioned before that sometimes when both sides are new, they create a strong partnership bc both parties are building their client list.

As I left there, I again wanted to keep the momentum going, so I then did a walk-in at the bank across the street. Well, I went to my car first to get another popcorn cone out of my trunk, THEN I went into the other bank. That place was a totally different, very casual and familial vibe. I chatted with two agents (though the home loan specialist was out) as well as the branch manager/VP. She was super psyched to see me bc apparently, she had just had a meeting with her staff telling them they needed to reach out to Realtors. Haha. She was super friendly and immediately suggested lunch next week when the loan dude gets back. She also mentioned having a budget for homebuying seminars and hosting community events at their branch. Yay!

So I ended the week pretty happy. Got home and hunkered down with the program: followup cards in the mail to the people I met. And the cycle continues.

I’ve been continuing touring open houses, going through exercises using the apps/tools to evaluate the market, etc. I went to lunch with some former colleagues and figured out a way to ask them to join my email list for periodic updates…. so things are moving in the prep/training up stage. I’m enjoying all the variety of work!

 

Stilettos and Clubs

Oh my, it’s been another hectic week. Things started off kinda crappy bc of my lingering cold. At Bubbey’s urging, I called the advice nurse line at Kaiser to see if 10+ days with a sore throat seemed right to them. The nurse was super nice and she said she was battling the same nasty cold herself… there is nothing you can do except continue with the honey/lemon/hot water concoction, suck on throat lozenges, bundle up, and protect your throat from exposure to anything extreme like cold outside air or blasts of dry hot air from indoor heaters. Then, she specifically said, wear a scarf and cover your mouth from these extremes. Omfg, my parents and their constant nagging were right about everything once again! Wtf. I said that to the lady and she cracked up. I mean, every time my parents tell me all this shit, I just roll my eyes. Now I waited on hold for ten minutes to hear the same info from a professional. SMH.

Meanwhile, our poor friend A who invited us to Pasadena… she’s on two different inhalers plus two different antibiotics and she was ordered to stay home on bed rest for another week. Really bad.

Work wise, I tried really hard to get back on track this week. There were a host of trainings and meetings. I met another newbie who was one month in and she had already started meeting with loan officers. And then I realized that, in some way or another, I was procrastinating with that shit. Oh hell no, I am not going to be outworked by another newb. So that afternoon, I reached out to several loan officers and booked appointments. It’s Gou time, mother fuckers.

I scheduled five appointments for the next seven days, and then I’m also planning random drop ins too. One super high producing loan officer at a credit union called me back and invited me to either meet at the office and get a tour and meet the underwriters, OR we could meet at the Capital Club after work where he could book a booth for us. Don’t get the wrong idea: I wasn’t creeped out by it or anything, but I was thinking to myself: what the heck is the Capital Club? Holy crap, that’s how real power players roll. Shit, I am NOT ready!!! Thankfully, I was able to think fast and just opt to see the office and meet the team. After I got off the phone, though. The CC is a country club… like members only kind of place. Oh man, another reminder that real estate can be a fancy world. Shit. I gotta step my shit up!

Which brings me to another issue. I have to revisit my style. I mean, I’m certainly not the frumpiest in the lot of agents, but I’m also not A game. This line of work is def dressier than anywhere else I’ve ever been, including the stodgy environmental engineering firm from back in the day. The ladies who look nice have their shit together: hair, makeup, nails, jewelry. I am seeing a lot of expensive bags and shoes– big time heels, like 3-inch stilettos!!! Needless to say, I’m feeling a little stressed and pressured about this image game, esp bc my skin has been super wonky (exacerbated by all the recent itchiness and flea bite sensitivities), my hair is a mess (I’m growing out part of the shaved head), and I’ve been avoiding dresses and skirts due to the wet and cold. I mean, it’s fine. I’ll just have to figure out my own style, which will probably be more casual than the industry standard but dressier than my current. Yet another thing to deal with on an already lengthy list. Sheesh.

In other news, I met up yesterday with my airplane friend L who was in town for work. He used to be the GM of a healthcare software startup in SF, but he left there and is now the CEO of a software company in the South Bay. That’s great news for me, bc when he flies in, he and his team stay in MV bc that’s where their developers are. No more coordinating meet ups in the city. Anyway, I met him and his colleague who’s from Puerto Rico. In some ways, I feel like L and I are kindred spirits. We have a lot of random similarities. For example, we both share a love and fascination with emotional/ social intelligence, personality types, and leadership skills. He’s teaching two classes part time at Catholic University, and he was lamenting about how people no longer care about written communication… how the students’ writing is shit bc longform is dead. I mean, isn’t that just what I’ve been complaining about? How people don’t want to email anymore bc it’s too time consuming. Texting and social media are all about the shortest, punchiest lines. 

Sadly, I also learned that he put down his 16-y/o dog a week ago. Like Marty, his Pomeranian had kidney disease and he and the wife were doing the homemade meals and supplements and subcutaneous fluids… He’s also devastated by the loss.

In a lighter vein, L also has the Southwest Companion Pass, which I suppose isn’t that surprising considering we met on a Southwest flight to Phoenix three or four years ago. Isn’t it kinda uncanny all the coincidences? I will say, I was very happy to be the person clueing him in about Southwest’s reliatively new direct route from SJC-BWI. For all his flights out to California (his family lives in MD), he’s been suffering through connecting flights just to fly on Southwest. Now his trips will be so much easier. Anyway, it was a good catchup and I expect we’ll see each other more frequently in the future.