Monthly Archives: December 2016

The Little Engine that Could

I’m feeling so much better these days. Marty started to come around again late Monday. John and I had been crying on and off since the weekend, and then Monday afternoon we decided to give Marty more subcutaneous fluids since we already had half a bag left. The earlier treatment over the weekend didn’t seem to work its usual magic so we didn’t have any expectations. By Monday evening though, he started making a comeback.

We had been noticing a lot of weird noises when he was eating: big time smacking and then he was somehow flattening and not ingesting the chunks of chicken. Wtf? So John suggested that we purée the food, bc Marty appeared hungry but something was weird with his mouth or teeth. I checked his teeth and everything appeared ok but we tried the pureeing anyway. Whadyaknow? Home boy was famished and slurped it all down. We were still a bit cautious though, so we fed small meals every few hours and monitored to make sure he kept it all down. Now it’s Thursday and he is hobbling back to the park three times a day. Back legs slip out more than before but he is looking good.

I know, I hate to be the kid who cried wolf, but in the end fuck it. We are so happy to have him with us for whatever extra time he can give us. I’m grateful.

In other news, I met with my coach this week. He actually says my DISC results aren’t totally accurate bc my D is not has high as the 99/100 I scored. He is coaching another D and he says if you’re truly a super high D, you tend to bulldoze without thinking things through. My C (careful and analytical) scored low but he says no one with a low C calls references! Haha, I had forgotten about that! Before selecting him and the office, I called his references and current students. Anyway, all this goes to reaffirm what Bubbey has always said, modified from that line from Dirty Dancing: You can’t put baby in a box.

My meeting with the coach went well though, bc it made me see that I’m still holding myself back with my tendencies for over-preparation and analysis paralysis. He stressed that there is only so much I can learn from the videos and books. I gotta get a client and I will learn on the job. Fair enough. I needed that kick in the ass.

So, in response, I’ve attended two association meetings this week and toured a bunch of open houses. I reached out to the loan officer who did our first loan on our houseboat and I’m meeting him for lunch next week. I’m aiming to do a donut drop tomorrow, randomly dropping in on a loan officer at a bank to see if there are opportunities to get on their realtor referral list. And I’m organizing a pet donation drive in my neighborhood for the local shelter, the one that reunited us with Marty after he escaped last winter. It’s a way to serve a need, show gratitude for a service I love, and meet more people in the hood. Three birds one stone, baby. With Marty doing better, I’m feeling reinvigorated.

Not Ready

Today was a very emotionally draining day. Martin has progressively gotten weaker: his hind legs are giving out more often causing him to stumble or fall over, mentally he’s becoming more and more confused, and then today he puked three times even after I gave him his subcutaneous injection. Normally, the subq makes him feel loads better and it brings out his appetite. But I suppose the way kidney disease works, the body eventually just can’t process protein and even with the additional fluids flushing out the system, it’s not enough. In late afternoon, John and I started getting ready for a friend’s holiday party in SF. Right as we were about to go, that’s when he puked three times in a row. And then Martin was super weak. I decided to stay home with him, and then I proceeded to cry my eyes out as he slept. In the last few weeks, a few people have asked me when I’m going to make the decision. Perhaps that was their subtle way of telling me they think it’s time? This whole while I’ve been feeling tired and ready for this to be over, and yet once it really felt imminent, I pretty much lost it. And I realized that I will never ever be ready, no matter how exhausted I feel from the caretaking. John says we’ll see how tomorrow goes, but today he was def out of sorts, although there are still moments when he tracks me, watching and following me around the house. I’m feeling esp stressed with the upcoming holidays. Personally, I hate the holidays: it’s just too much family time and now I worry about leaving Martin in his state. It’s just a lot of mental stress.

I know all the angles: we gave him a great life, a very long life… but still. Argh, it really is the hardest part of pet ownership. Oh god, just thinking about the process and how difficult it was with Remy, lying there in the exam room… the heartbreak is unbearable, no matter how much I try to rationalize or explain or self soothe.

I have a busy week ahead for work. I feel behind, now being four weeks in. Last week, I attended some association meetings and shit, there are so many economic/political/global trends to follow. Like with Trump, what are the implications should his tax plans go through, i.e., changes to income tax, capital gains, tax deductions, repeal of the estate tax, changes in interest rates… fuck man, all those metrics that my father tracks, I will now have to know for my work. I’m ok with learning it all and with gaining a better understanding of how all of this is interconnected but it’s still overwhelming. 

Meanwhile, I’ve been reaching out to a lot of people from my past, and some people have responded promptly, others who knows if they will even reply. One friend is actually looking to buy a house right now, but they just signed on with another agent. I know it’s a slow process of building the pipeline, but already I’m worried (bc I’m impatient).

I had lunch with my friend J the other day. She’s the sassy older lady who’s always doing something fun. Yup, she is headed to Mexico with her daughter’s family for Christmas. She was very encouraging about my career in real estate. Maybe she’ll know people. I told her about that Linkages time bank program, and she was thrilled by the idea.

Yesterday afternoon John and I went to the Santa Clara County historic homes tour… a wonderful idea but a little rough in its execution. Of course, I enjoy touring homes. That said, I’ve never really been a fan of old things. You know how some people, like my MIL, really cherish the quality and the craftsmanship of things from the past. So this tour was all about retaining original features and showcasing pieces and artifacts from way long ago. It looked pretty cool and I appreciated that the homeowners share that passion, but for John and me, we’re much more of the looks good but is cheap and replaceable mentally. I know, totally not environmental but I guess I feel like you have to be too careful around old antiquey things. Anyway, it’s interesting to see the lengths people go to in order to preserve and restore the old. The best thing about the tour: I visited the home of a former coworker and it was an absolutely adorable and charming California bungalow. We caught up for a while and it was so nice reconnecting. Her kid, who was 2 when I last saw him, is now 5!! I enjoyed touring their home. John commented that I always feel happy when I see my friends, family, and acquaintances living comfortably. I guess that’s really true. I mean, the world can be a tough and unforgiving place, so seeing people I know doing well gives me great comfort.

Anyway, I’m suddenly very tired. My face is swollen from all the crying about Marty. Going to hit the sack early and try to start fresh tomorrow.

New People

These final days of November, I am pulling out all the stops. I have been reaching out to all kinds of people from my past to re-establish connections. It’s kinda funny, bc I’m perpetually curious about what other people are up to and now I kind of have a reason to re-engage. 

I’ve also been attending more trainings for work… I’ve taken four more sessions and it’s only Wednesday. I’m learning tons though: the software and databases are so freaking powerful and despite the tendency for overwhelm, it’s kind of empowering to have access to so much information. Technology, man. That is some powerful shit. SMH. Btw I’ve befriended one of the corporate trainers… he’s really good and well, I’m pretty stoked about learning from people who know their shit.

On Tuesday night, I got my ass back to the board gamers meetup. Honestly, I just wanted to give it another try and Bubbey was supposed to go with. I thought it would be a fun joint activity. Well earlier in the day the cable guy came out… as you know, our service has been wonky lately. John, being the hermit that he is, insisted that the problem went away and we ought to cancel the service appointment, but hello, when I provided the error code to the phone rep, he said a tech needed to come out. So I refused to cancel the apppointment. Well, turns out our cable running outside over the roof was an indoor cable that ended up cracking from exposure to the elements, and water leaked into the line. Mind you, when we signed on for cable six year ago, the rep used the wrong cable… so whatever. Yesterday the guy replaced the line and now we’re good to go. It’s pretty annoying though that I have to fight John on stupid things like that. I mean, I hardly even watch tv and I wouldn’t even order cable tv if I lived solo, yet whenever something acts up or the service blips out, I’m the one calling tech support and dealing with troubleshooting. And then bc Comcast was so busy, they couldn’t even come out the next day… and still John wanted me to cancel the appointment bc he didn’t feel like dealing with a person? So stupid. Don’t complain then the next time service cuts out.

Anyway, so bc of that and whatever else he did on Tuesday, Bubs backed out of the game meetup, and I went solo. Whatever. I recognized the same three people I played with last week and joined one of them who was playing with a new  group. Some Japanese card game, which was even more confusing than the Pharoah game. After the Japanese card game, I asked my former group if they wanted to play the pharaoh game again, bc I wanted to repeat and have the rules sink in. Up until then, the Asperger fro guy was alone learning a new board game. I went over and asked if he wanted to play the pharaoh game again and he jumped at the chance. So he was kind enough to set up the board, which actually takes some time. This was my third time playing ever, so me and the old dude kept messing up, meaning we either forgot what the symbol meant or we did something that we weren’t allowed to do… Fro dude started getting frustrated and at one point he began rocking in his seat. The rest of us were just trying to learn from one another and have fun with it… needless to say, after the game ended, me and the old dude (the third guy figured out the game last time already!) got chastised. Seriously. “Next time, I’m NOT going to answer question and explain things to you anymore. I had to repeat myself over and over again, and it’s extremely frustrating playing a game with people who keep making so many mistakes. You will have to read the rules yourself if you want to play again next time.” Ouch.

I mean, fair enough. I didn’t read the rules, bc I’m slow with learning games by reading, and I’m also too lazy to read. But shit, why are you taking this so seriously? The old dude and I responded by thanking him again for all his patience and for showing us the ropes, and honestly, I though it was kind of humorous at the time. But after I got home, I was kind of annoyed. I mean, heck, I could have just let him sit there by himself without even playing with any people. Or I could say it’s frustrating to play with someone who starts rocking, while others are still learning… whatever. Afterwards, walking out to my car, I spoke for a few minutes to the quick learner guy. He suggested that maybe next time we can play my word games like Taboo. We don’t have to play the strategy games. He seemed really nice… a software engineer who moved here from Turkey last year. The thing is, I kinda like this idea of meeting regularly for a hobby. It kinda appeals to the routine/scheduling side of me. I will go back next week and take my games.