My mood has been all over the damn place lately. This week, I was feeling super energized work-wise. Every time I’ve gone into the office (just 10 minutes away!), I’ve met some really nice and friendly people. The vibe is so welcoming and cohesive! Also, the staff are on it! Like as soon as I submitted my formal paperwork, I was set up with the email account, website, intranet access, etc. Same day service! On Friday, the office also hosted a holiday party, and it was a lovely spread. I asked about taking something, and the organizers were all like: oh no, we’re ordering food so don’t worry about it. Mind you, this whole last month or two, bc I couldn’t formally submit my docs, I haven’t even had to pay any business fee or anything to attend all the trainings. They don’t care. They seem to really understand the concept of building goodwill. Anyway, I feel really good about my decision to join this office.

Of course, just as all of the work stuff is ramping up, Marty is not doing well. He is uncomfortable/restless at night. We administered 400 ml of fluids two days ago, and yesterday, he started eating again but his legs are increasingly weak. He’s been trembling a lot more, and then this morning, he was too weak to do much beyond going into the backyard. I just gave him another 350 ml this morning. If he’s not better by tomorrow, I’m going to take him to the vet. The decline is inevitable and yet my mind is still in some kind of denial… Thank goodness we aren’t traveling for Thanksgiving.

In other news, John and I are on weird sleep schedules again. I try to sleep in (wake up between 8-9AM) while he’s up early, but by mid-day, he’s all crashed out. He’s been reading a book lately about dictatorships and the principles of power and then watching new tv series like Narco and Black Mirror. All really thought-provoking, disturbing content about the crazy world we now live in and the hurdles that will come in the future. I’m still very sad and disillusioned with the elections to the point that I don’t feel emboldened or empowered at all. I signed a few petitions, but I’m still so disheartened. All the news about the potential cabinet members… it’s all fucked up. And I have lost faith. Even if we were to speak out and march and protest and write letters… ultimately, he and his cronies just DON’T CARE about the opposing point of view. You know what I mean? They think what they think and they are absolutely unapologetic, so how then do the pressures of protest change their minds or actions? I honestly do not see a way out of this fucking mess.

My friend J invited me to join her and the hubs for the Women’s March in DC the day after inauguration. Right now, that kind of action seems utterly pointless. And then Bubs keeps wanting to talk about all this stuff he’s reading: I cannot deal with the world right now!

And so, I can only proceed by focusing on my new business and on Martin. Otherwise, this shit is too damn overwhelming and paralyzing.

Tonight, we’ve got tickets to a magic show and dinner at the California Magic Theater in Martinez. The theater is like 70 minutes away, but I’m looking forward to the distraction. The world sure could use some more magic these days.