J and I are finally headed home today, and boy are we relieved. In general, he and I rarely travel longer than 8 days in one go, so this two week thing being away from home and Marty is kinda killer. It’s so funny, bc every time I visit family in Taiwan, they always ask why our trip is so short: you fly halfway across the world and the tickets are so expensive, you really need to stay longer, for like a month at a time. But OMFG, considering the way I get along with my parents… Seriously, even five days is way plenty. Note to self: Do NOT forget this the next time I book my flights to Taiwan.

Interestingly, after the huge blowups, my parents’ MO is to act like nothing happened. Mind you, at the next fight, every little detail will be dredged back up, but for the time being at least, that’s how my parents rebound from their fights. The next day, everything appears back to normal. Even my aunt made a comment like yeah they fight all loud and heatedly, but then it just blows over afterwards. I don’t quite bounce back the same way, and you all know, I have the memory of a fucking elephant, so yeah, I don’t just forget all that transpired. Still, after 48 hrs., thinking back to all that mom and I argued about, it did all seem rather silly… like the level of heat was incommensurate to the issue.

J, who has witnessed even worse and at more frequency back in the day when I was still interacting (and living) with Johnny, says the fighting with my parents has gotten better. I mean before, they were on my case about so many things in addition to the Johnny situation, for example, me not having a prestigious job, not having enough higher education, not having kids, not dressing like an adult, blah, blah, blah. Now, they ocassionally make jabs about the child-free thing or they indirectly mention it by saying how miserable they are, but for the most part, Johnny is the only real remaining issue of contention. They want me to re-establish relations with him in hopes that I will influence him to be more adult and more mature.

J says that their parenting dilemma with my brother is def a difficult situation. I mean, parents always want their children to be well. And I’m sure they don’t want to have to keep worrying about him the rest of their lives. I get that. But you simply cannnot deny their continued role in creating and in exacerbating this problem. It’s fine to guide and support and help your child when he is younger. But he is a full blown adult now. He is forty-fucking-three years old. By continuing to pay his bills, provide him with rent-free housing, manage the maintenance of his housing (checking for damage after the typhoons, replacing filters, etc.), remind him about deadlines for his job (!!), buy his airline tickets, send him home with food for the week… it’s just too. damn. much. Sure, there are cultural influences also at play: that’s why there are terms like “Little Emperor Syndrome,” the “4-2-1 scenario” (meaning the four grandparents and two parents are all focused on serving the 1 child’s every need), and the “strawberry generation” (the overprotected kids are so fragile that the slightest bump or hardship causes extreme bruising). Still, despite the cultural norms, I feel that the case is especially extreme and pronounced in my family. My refusal to re-engage with my brother is partly for self-preservation, but I also firmly believe that as long as my parents insist on parenting in this manner, no amount of outside influence from me or from anyone will change his ridic sense of entitlement and his absolute inability to be independent, resourceful, and self-sufficient.