So yesterday evening, shit blew up on the Houseboat. One more goddamn straw, and the volcano erupted. As you know, for the last month, I’ve been going to the JCC for my Groupon. During this time, I’ve suggested to Bubbey numerous times that he cancel his membership to 24 Hr Fitness and try out this swanky gym. It’s only 6 minutes away and lots of people go late at night, so maybe this can be our evening activity after he gets home from work. For weeks, he agreed to try it out, but he kept procrastinating– he had to go to his London trip, then there was Best Life, then DC, blah, blah. Fine. Mind you, I’m only on the elliptical for 30 minutes. This is not a huge time sink. So he returned from DC on Sunday. On Monday night, after he got home from work and we finished dinner, I suggested we get ready. He was feeling too full, blah, blah, blah, so we took Marty for a walk at the park. In my head, the intention was to walk Marty, get the digestive juices flowing, and then go to the gym. After we home, I got my things ready and once again, no. Too tired: I just got back from DC. Whatever. After all the bullshit of recent weeks, I had had it. As I left, I said, “Fine, but next time, I’d appreciate if you’d stop offering to do things that you have absolutely no intention of following through on!” Oh, what do you mean? When has that ever applied?

Are you fucking kidding me? This same bullshit has been happening over and over again. I slammed the door and left. While driving over to the gym (six minutes), I was stewing like a mother fucker. I’m surprised I didn’t rear end the slow ass drivers in my way. I was gonna call him and blow this shit up. Excuse after excuse. Repeated prioritization of everything else before me. And I’m not even needy! Shit, I have hung out with so many friends who make/ask their partners and spouses to do every little thing. Fuck you! I was so pissed.

I stepped on that elliptical and sweated my brains out. Afterwards, I sat in the sauna and continued to stew. I mean let’s be real. Best Friends was his idea, supposedly a gesture for me but as the whole trip materialized, it was just a ton of planning and work for me. And then anytime I needed help with any aspect of the weekend, he either dismissed my concerns about the logistics, or he totally ignored any part that was important to me. For example, he hardly even sang for karaoke (and then went to bed early); then how many times did I mention the goddamn photo booth and in the end, only two test pictures; and then to make me throw away all those recyclables that I had collected throughout the weekend?!?!?! Not cool. Where there is a will, there is a way. I’m serious. And what, in the end, all of my irritation was just supposed to wash away bc 1) he had returned from London the day before departure and gotten ingredients on Friday morning 2) he grilled up dinner Friday night and 3) he mostly fought off his jet lag to be social with our friends for three days? Puhlease.

I got home from the gym and was still so stinking mad. I went directly to my office and started doing my own shit. The house was dark, so I assumed he went to bed already. Typical Bubbey M.O. whenever we fight. I printed crap out on the printer, went to his office to retrieve my printouts and turns out he was lying on the floor there in the dark. And he looked so sad. So then I caved. In a more controlled manner, I told him I was upset he was going to be away for my bday. Usually, bdays are just bdays, and who the fuck cares. But this was a big one. And I felt like last weekend when I was trying to price out tickets to join him in NYC, he never responded to my questions or email about dates and whatever. Then, bc he was so busy with family matters, we weren’t able to sync up much, and when we finally did, he couldn’t offer any clarity. You know I hate that indecisive bullshit, so then I just abruptly said fuck it. He finally came clean and admitted that he’s been feeling overwhelmed between all the work travel and family stuff, and now the company’s future is uncertain… I mean, admittedly, there’s a lot going on. So I piped down. But fuck man, he def deserves crap for 1) never apologizing for cutting London so damn close to Best Life and leaving me hanging with details and 2) never apologizing for missing my bday. I swear, sometimes I really have to spell shit out for him.

I know he loves me very much. But still, sometimes his effort just feels so damn half ass. And his actions really come across rather inconsiderate and thoughtless. I have played the scenarios over and over in my head. Am I over reacting? Am I asking for too much? Am I missing something? being short sighted? How would a truly mature adult handle this situation? Honestly, I feel like every single one of my friends would be annoyed by the same things, if not MORE things, and I can’t say that they would just let that shit slide. Yes, marriage is a constant work in progress. Just when I feel like things are easy and our relationship is coasting along in a strong steady state, shit happens to really bite me in the ass. Yes, I know I have the memory of an elephant and I don’t let shit go. In my defense though, why should I let shit go if you don’t admit any responsibility or wrongdoing in hurting my feelings? That’s just not gonna fly no matter how rational your reasons may be for why shit HAD to get prioritized above me.

Anyway, the other takeaway was that I need to get back to work. Like, I need to have my own shit going on, my own activities and social circles, and life. Thankfully, things are finally starting to come around. My first Rover client arrives tonight for 11 nights. Then, I just got another request today for June 9-19, so maybe my old doggie boarding business is gonna pick up steam!