Hello from Frederick! J and I arrived at my parents’ house yesterday afternoon. We had flown in to the DC Metro Area two days prior on Christmas Eve, and usually I see my parents the day after I get in, but I made a conscious decision to hustle less this trip. Anyway, my family doesn’t celebrate Christmas, and dad was getting over some stomach issues from the weekend prior.

Since returning home, I’ve mostly been glued to the computer. The new wifi printer I bought them last year kept going offline, so that took a couple of hours to troubleshoot and get back online. Then, my father never updates anything on his computer or on any of his devices, so I did that. My father’s latest research topic for me is figuring out a place to live with no estate/inheritance tax and no income tax. Yes, he is the constant hustler. The short list isn’t looking very appealing: Florida, Texas, and Nevada. For me, I prefer they be closer to CA where there are at last 2 decent hubs with direct flights to Taipei (via SFO, LAX), but for dad, the allure of dirt-cheap Florida real estate might just be too great. Whatever.

This morning, J headed back out to help his parents with some errands. Now, I’m stuck in Frederick. I thought about contacting a lady I’d met last smmer through the Duke nonprofit program, but I just saw on Facebook that she’s in Paris celebrating her first wedding anniversary. Sheesh!

Meanwhile, my parents continue to provide fodder for the crazy reality show that is my life. My mother kept insisting that she wanted to try “Happy Time” at Bonefish Grill. She means Happy Hour, but I dunno what she’s thinking. My parents don’t drink (we just found wines dating as far back as 1990 in their wet bar), and they hate unhealthy fried foods, i.e. bar food. Still, I support taking them to try new things, so I told her Happy Hour is 4-6p. So what happens? They both skip lunch and end up caving on leftovers at 3:30p. Now they’ve gone to bed, and we’re supposed to go out for dinner at 7p. Are they still jetlagged? Maybe they’re just tired? I dunno. They did recently watch a new Chinese soap series– something like 40 episodes in 3 days, so maybe that’s the culprit???

Oh, I didn’t even tell you what my grandparents said to me on Christmas Day. They live 15 minutes from John’s family, so J and I took them out for Chinese at lunch. In the car, grandpa looked back at me, and said, “You got whiter… and prettier. What the heck happened?” Um, thanks?? What, am I supposed to be fuddy duddy my whole fucking life or something?? Later, after lunch, we were hanging at their house, and grandma says, “You became prettier. So strange!!” Gotta love the family of backhanded complimenters. Of course, who can be surprised? Last year, grandpa also asked if I had gotten eyelid surgery. Huh??

Back in Frederick, Mom has already tried to pass me 4 coats and garments that no longer fit her OR grandma. Size 10. I mean, I have no issue with people who are a size 10, but that is not MY size and has never been my size. My mother just presses all the buttons. And seriously, EVERY TIME I come home, I am barraged with this same shit. The SAME pieces of clothing even! She’ll dig up my old coats from middle/high school!! I have been trying to get rid of that old shit for decades, but my mom is a hoarder, and she will not even donate useable clothing… even if it’s out of fashion or ill-fitting. She drives me nuts. I told her, “No I don’t want any of the same clothes you keep trying to pawn off on me every time I come home. If it doesn’t fit you or grandma anymore, give it away!!” Her response? “Well we still need to keep it, because when your cousins come to visit, they can wear it.” Are you fucking kidding me? No one from the tropics of Taiwan is going to 1) visit Maryland in the winter 2) wear your 20-year-old frumpy-ass coat! Jesus Christ. I’m really getting sick of all the ancient items in this house. Seriously. This morning, they set out two jars of Starbucks mocha drinks. Expiration: 2013. Last night, we talked about drinking some wine. At least FIVE bottles of whites in the wet bar were 20+ years old. We tried to open one bottle just to see, and their cheapie-ass dollar store wine opener got stuck in the cork and then the handle broke off!! And that is the ONLY opener in the whole house!! Meanwhile, the overdue bottles are all still at the wet bar. I swear, we are being filmed for the Truman Show or something.

Hmm, while they are sleeping now, I’m going to empty out my old bedroom closet of old clothes. Then tonight, I’m going to buy a wine opener so I can empty and recycle those old wine bottles. Taking care of business!