I got a pleasant surprise this week. After being out of touch for many months, my former boss sent me an email. It was so nice to hear from him. He and I kinda share a mutual appreciation for telling stories via email. He’s job hunting again in Berlin, but he and his family are having a good summer, it seems: doing some traveling and also checking out new activities with the wife, thanks to finally agreeing to get a babysitter. The childcare thing sounds like quite the game changer. I wish all my friends would adopt that route rather than push themselves towards insanity. Hint, hint. Haha. Sorry, I digress.

Anyway, he asked me to be a reference, which I have done before and which I’m happy to do again. In my reply, I kinda apologized for the long silence. I said I would write him more later, but I just typed a few short lines about the job process being a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me. I didn’t get into the details at all. Yet, almost immediately, he replied with this lengthy email where it was just so damn evident that he got me!! I mean, I don’t know how to explain, but so many times in my life, I have struggled with feeling misunderstood and misinterpreted. Maybe that’s largely due to being first-generation Chinese-American and having immigrant parents. I don’t know, but more often than not, I feel like I have to explain and defend myself and my choices. Sure, it’s possible that all of this pressure is self-imposed, because I myself place so much value on reason and analysis…

Regardless, what a relief it is to just be understood. R was never someone I had ever expected to befriend. When we first started working together, I really didn’t see that much in common. I mean, I knew we would work together fine, but I never anticipated any real connection. But through the years, I came to realize that he really is an amazing listener with strong intuition. On so many occasions, he has read between the lines and sensed the unspoken (I’m not ALWAYS a blabbermouth!!). And then when he responds, he just hits shit right on the nail. Er, hits the nail right on the head. Me and my idioms. So in his latest email responding to my three lines of text, he talked about his own struggle with identity and self-worth being tied to the job. He shared his own perspective as a hiring manager and talked about how he often found himself mindlessly seeking employees who most perfectly matched what the employer wanted in terms of prior experience. When he caught himself, he would consciously try to think outside the box and be more open-minded, but he wondered how many people failed to catch themselves. I distinctly remember interviewing for my role in his department. In my prior role, I had been doing marketing and client services for a fuel cell startup. My web experience was several years before that, so in that respect, he did take a chance on me. I knew I could do the job, and I knew I could deliver. But to have his confidence in me and his willingness to step beyond convention, I will forever be grateful. I wish more employers would take that leap now.

After that, he went on about how I did so much more than web content and social media, and he listed out all this other shit I did. I mean, it’s been two years since we worked together, and he still remembered. It was just a really kind gesture. It was as if he knew my confidence was feeling a little broken from all the rejection and disinterest, and he was reminding me of my value. I was so touched.

I hope this post doesn’t minimize our relationship by coming across like I only value him because he compliments me. It really isn’t that at all. I mean sure, who doesn’t enjoy praise and recognition for her work? But honestly, it’s more about his timing and his sensitivity. His thoughtfulness really lifted my spirits.