Monthly Archives: November 2013

Running on Empty

I know. These last several posts, I’ve only obsessed about how exhausted I’ve been from hustling so hard. Today’s post isn’t about me. Refreshingly. It’s about my friends who are parents to young children. Yes, multiple ones all under 5 years of age. You see, I had lunch the other day with a friend who popped her second kid four months ago. Prior to our meet up, she dropped me a line out of the blue, and I could just tell that she was maxed out. The sense I get is that parenthood, at least in the beginning, isolates people. Their entire social life shuts down, and life boils down to basic survival. I know, it sounds like hyperbole, but this is a theme that just keeps coming up. Massive sleep deprivation and back to basics level of functionality. Friends, fun, entertainment, a night out, a rock concert? Gone. Done. Sure, it’s a trade off– for just a “season” but dayum, these people are running on empty.

When I went over to my friend’s house earlier this week, she looked fine, but when I sat down and talked with her, I could see her absolute frustration. Baby no. 2 was not a good sleeper. He had acid reflux, and she was getting up every two hours. She said every night, at the end of the day, she just longed to sit there alone to not think of anything. She says it’s just a short period where she doesn’t have to think of the next thing to do… it’s almost like a time of pause to mentally rest. And then the night begins (with the wakeups), and everything repeats the next day. I’ve heard a few people now describe this…

She was telling me how hard all of this is. Last weekend, the family went to visit a relative. When they arrived at the apartment complex, the older kid suddenly decided to throw an earth-shattering tantrum right outside in the parking lot. She described 20 minutes of complete chaos, of uncontrolled screaming, and she was simply beside herself on why he was doing this. The neighbors all came outside to see what was going on… there were no words to even explain.

Today, a FB friend posted this piece about parenting: I suppose the answer is to cut yourself a break or two, try to preserve a sense of self, maintain a program of self care and marriage care. Sounds so complicated, especially if you’re just surviving day to day. And what if you don’t have access to childcare that you trust? I don’t know what the real solution is here. I just feel like my parent friends need to get out more often. They sound pretty beaten down.

Btw, this was an interesting read on relationships/marriage, also discovered via FB. I dunno about Tip #12… sounds a bit animalistic to me, but the other advice sound pretty solid.

Never Ending Journey

I had the worst time falling asleep last night. First, I hadn’t responded to a friend’s email in like five days (an eternity in “interwebs” time), so I did that. Then I did some late night LinkedIn research, then brainstorming for the ranch… I just couldn’t shut the mind down. Next thing, it’s 3 a.m. and I’m still wide awake. When I did finally fall asleep, I had a bad dream. I dreamed that John and I got into a fight about taking time off for vacation. Then I started wailing in my sleep. John had to shake me out of it.

By morning, I was super groggy. I sent out a few more emails (in my zombie state), and then started tuning into the keynote speech at Dreamforce. Yeah, the CEO is a bit campy and salesy, but I dunno, I felt motivated and energized. So I decided to head into the city to check out the expo hall. Public transit took about 1:30, and then I walked a mile to the Moscone Center. I met a friend/former co-worker, but at that point, he wasn’t all that impressed by the production. I dunno: maybe I’m easy. We grabbed lunch and then hit the hall. The place was mobbed, and since we didn’t work for a legit 501(c)(3) nonprofit, we never got a free account to try out. We didn’t even really know what the heck this Salesforce software was. We went to the exhibit hall hoping there would be demos, but no luck.

Finally, we walked half a mile to the SF Hilton where Salesforce was pitching it’s foundation arm focused on helping nonprofits. We still didn’t see a demo, but at least we did a lot of networking. Apparently, everyone is now drinking the Salesforce Kool-Aid. I’m thinking this will be a tech tool I’ll need to learn for future marketability. Yup, always thinking ahead!

By 4:30 p.m., I was pooped and it was raining outside. I stopped by the hotel concierge desk to do a bit of research for the ranch (I told you I’m always hustlin’), and then I headed home. The plan was BART to Caltrain to Hillsdale Mall for a few hours, and then catch a ride home with Bubbey. Well, long story short, I got on the wrong Caltrain, it didn’t stop at the mall, it didn’t stop in Menlo Park where I thought I’d switch back to the local train, it didn’t stop in Mountain View, and suddenly I was in fucking Sunnyvale. Ugh. I tried to make the best of my dilemma: I grabbed a tasty dinner at my favorite Mediterranean spot called Dish Dash. Somehow, John had a sixth sense that something was wrong, and he texted me to see if I had gotten home ok. I was trying to keep my flub from him, but somehow he knew. So I finished up my dinner and headed back on the train for home. By then, the rain really started coming down. When I arrived at our home stop, I went to the wrong side, and then we were calling each other back and forth. Of course, as is always the case with our goddamn “smart” phones, they never work when they need to!! Seriously, he couldn’t hear me. Back and forth, back and forth, in the pouring rain.  Finally, after texting, we synced up. And of course, my parents were calling me for more computer issues. Jesus Christ. They must think I am sitting around twiddling my thumbs all day– like I should be on call 24/7 for tech support. So yeah, got home, dealt with their printer issues, more OS updates, and now I’m exhausted.

Meanwhile, Remy’s cyst on her eyelid started bleeding yesterday, and I think it’s scratching her eye. I really want to just cut it off myself, because she will stay still for me. I dunno. I put a bunch of Neosporin on. Poor Remy. Aging has been such a challenge for her.

Busted (Again)

I’ve had my wedding ring for a very long time. And because of my poor track record (one time, I actually found my wedding ring in the garbage can!!), I try as much as possible to just keep the thing on my finger. That includes when I play sports, when I go rollerblading, when I go horseback riding, when I go swimming/hot tubbing, when I’m cooking or cleaning…

So today, while I was having lunch at my friend’s house, I looked down, twirled my ring around my finger, and bam! I noticed one of the small pave diamonds was gone. Shit. The last time I busted stones out of this thing, it was after I had spent 12 hours assembling a monster office desk from Staples. In the final step of assembly, John and I lifted the table top + hutch combo (SUPER HEAVY) to set it onto the leg supports. Because the damn thing was so f-ing heavy, I set it down misaligned and in a split second, all the weight crushed onto my fingers (and ring). My perfectly round ring got totally bent out of shape (it looked like the state of Ohio after that), and I lost 3 or so of the accent diamonds. Ugh.

So now, about 11 years after first receiving this precious bauble and 7 years after that first accident, now I have to get it fixed again. And sadly, my ring is all dirty from neglect. All those soaps and lotions sure add up. Yes, I will have to clean it before I hand it over to the experts. Kinda like how my friends pre-clean their houses before the cleaning lady comes…

I do love my ring. I remember how I was totally drawn to all those super simple, blocky, modern designs in the beginning…  oddly though, when I tried those on in the stores, they looked awful– totally mismatched for my hand.  This ring was uber sparkly and kinda princessy. I really didn’t want to like it. But when I put it on, it just made my hand look so long and slender and beautiful… like the hand of a hand model (Sigh! The profession that got away!) .

I really should take better care of my ring. This is a good reminder. Maybe I’ll add monthly cleanings/brushings to my Google cal. 😉

Pushing my Buttons

ignore

Those of you who know me, know that my brother and I are estranged. We have pretty much been out of touch since 2003, when he lived with John and me: we were slated to move to Shanghai in December. In his typical clueless way, he went on vacation in Taiwan in September and never came back. Didn’t bother to move any of his shit out of our house. Just one of many of his inconsiderate, selfish actions.

I do see him when I travel to Taiwan to visit other family, but for the most part, we don’t really keep in touch. My family there often tries to convince me that he has matured and “changed,” but even from my sparse interactions with J,  I don’t really see much growth. He’s still pretty superficial, still into living the high life off of money that he doesn’t earn himself, and he’s still pretty self-centered. People always have to do things for him. He epitomizes the Little Emperor syndrome so prevalent in Chinese culture. And my relatives there feed into it. So it’s a vicious cycle of the world revolving around my almost 40-year old brother.

Over the last few years, he’s become involved in a Buddhist group. Well, let’s be honest: I call it a cult. Why? Because the last time I was there, I accompanied him to an evening meditation and lecture, and in the end, I was basically put into a room with 3 other believers (brother included) who bullied me for about 45 minutes, trying to get me to become a member, i.e. pay an annual membership due. Mind you, I live in the US. Why the fuck would I join a group that meets overseas?? Stupid. So yeah, in my bullying session, one lady (“elder sister”) told me some story about how she was harassed by ghosts her whole life. She apparently also witnessed levitation and shit. But after joining the group and learning under the “grand master,” she was cured and the ghosts never haunted her again. Ok, whatever. I’m not accusing her of lying. If she insists that she levitated and her sister bore witness, fine. And if the master helped her live an incredible, fulfilling life, great. Good for her. But you know what? I don’t have issues with ghosts. In fact, my brother is the biggest “issue” our family has to deal with. And even as he’s come under the tutelage of the esteemed master, he still behaves like a spoiled ass, so you know what? I’m not a believer here in the master’s teachings!! The proof is in the pudding, they say. And maybe joining the group will expose me to new practices to improve my life: meditation, anger management, love, and respect, blah, blah. Frankly, I am doing those things on my own and I don’t see why, in this case, I should pay money for other people to teach me coping mechanisms to deal with my brother. In other words, he is the source of my family’s problems. Rather than “fix” him, the master is trying to get us to pay money so we can change and learn mental skills to free ourselves from the burden that is my brother. Hmm, seems rather circuitous. It’s far easier to just be estranged.

You see, I used to have temper tantrums and fits of rage. A lot. J and I both went to Duke, and for two of my undergrad years, we overlapped. Every fucking week, my parents were calling me to check up on my brother. It was literally like having a child while I myself was a child (in college). And my mother wonders why I don’t want kids. Um, I was a parent once already, and it was hell. He was great to people face-to-face, but once the physical immediacy was gone, he was totally unresponsive, inconsiderate, and aloof. People would call, write, email. No reply. He could not be bothered. He was just one of those “out of sight, out of mind” people. You know them. They are everywhere. My parents were always making excuses for him. When his roommate complained to me that my brother never once took out the trash or washed the dishes, I had to apologize for him. After I cut him out of my life in 2003, I stopped having rage issues. You see, “Some bridges are meant to be burned, because that’s the only way to keep the bad guys from following you.”

Anyhow, I bring all this family drama up, because a few months ago, my brother contacted me via Facebook and pleaded that John and I return to Taiwan immediately to meet with him and the master. In response, I drafted a super intense, angry reply. I was so mad, I was shaking. The nerve!! I mean, yeah I’ve been struggling with figuring out my calling in life (professionally), but fuck you! Do NOT tell me what I need in my life. I’m a good person. I love my parents. I love my friends. I care about other people. Who the fuck are you to tell me that the master is going to help me be a better person and live a better life? You know what would improve my life greatly? If my brother would fucking leave everyone the hell alone. He doesn’t give two shits about my parents, who have done so much for him. He just uses them and manipulates them. Fuck off. Needless to say, my reply was a mouthful. Before I was about to press send, I read it aloud to John. No more than two sentences in, and I was strongly advised not to send it. When I feel strongly about something, I do NOT hold back. But, this time, I decided to try a different approach. I so wanted to send that email. But I didn’t: it’s still sitting in my drafts folder.

So a few months have passed, and what do you know: He emailed me again via Facebook. He heard that I’d left my job, so now is the perfect time to go and meet the master. I can live with him, teach English, take John, take the dogs… he says he needs my fortitude to help him get to the next level. Fuck. Off. That’s what I hate about religion gone wrong. It makes the believers think that religion is a prerequisite to being a good person. I don’t need validation. I have a very clear sense of what is right and wrong, what it means to be a good person. If religion offers comfort or guidance to others, great. But I show my love through actions, and the recipients of my love– not the master– will determine my intention and authenticity. No, that judgement is not up to some power-tripping dude who self-proclaims his connection to the divine. That power doesn’t belong to some person who doesn’t even know me. My brother says that “elder sister” still asks about me. As if her feigned concern means anything. I still remember asking her: “Why is it so important to you that I join?” Her response? “Because you are a fellow human being. I love you like I love all humans…” Blah, blah, blah. Um, maybe if you really loved me, you would respect my decisions and choices, and leave me the hell alone.

The thing is, I’m pretty darn gullible, but shit, that was about as unauthentic as you could get. Same shit with my brother. If you really gave a crap about your family, maybe you would just focus on being considerate rather than on recruiting everyone for your latest scam. Maybe you would show some respect and understand that no means no. Maybe you would stop trying to guilt trip people into doing something they don’t want to do in order to demonstrate their love and support. Ugh. I am so pissed. Mary Maddux and Meditation Oasis again tonight!! Shiit.

Losing My Shit

So I reached my “30 days of meditation” milestone this week, and no sooner than creating this new habit do I nearly lose my shit today. For reals. All day, John was just in a weird mood. Wishy washy, I couldn’t hear him, he was going to get his haircut then he was going to go to the gym. None of it happened. I guess neither one of us wanted to make decisions today.

To his credit, he did pick a place for lunch. Interestingly, while we were there, service was super slow and then suddenly, we heard all this glass crashing in the kitchen and a waitress started yelling at this guy. “Fuck you , fuck you, fuck you!” As she headed for the door, she threw something else on the ground, threw the menus all over… it was quite the scene. I know, foreshadowing right? This was a new place for us too: the eggs bennies were great, but the famed blueberry banana pancakes were disappointing.

Afterwards, we walked around and then when we got home, John crashed on the couch. For like 3 hours. I know he had a long week, so fine, whatever. I don’t care: I did some work (read an RFP) and watched a movie (Ex-Girlfriends, which was lame). When he woke up, he wanted to go for a walk and then just as we were nearly out the door, I discovered the pineapple had rotted through onto my tablecloth. So I grabbed a wet rag and detergent and started wiping. Yes, a little OCD but an added 2 minutes tops. We went to the park with the dogs and then when I got home again, I started thinking about cooking dinner. And everything I asked him, the answer was “I don’t know.” Then he went out for a walk. Wtf is his problem??? I was pissed. So I just started madly making shit: Looked up “lentil pressure cooker” and then just executed on the butternut squash black bean enchilada recipe in front of me. Maybe we were just mismatched with our activities that we wanted to do today. I dunno, but his going for a walk got me fuming. And then as I prepped and threw shit into the pressure cooker, I managed to knock the lid off which in turn crashed a full glass of water onto the floor. Just my luck, the glass shattered into a gabillion fucking pieces. And with the dogs, I had to get that shit cleaned up immediately. Ugh. A ton of paper towels later and then lugging that damn Dyson into every little crevice… I just was not in the mood.

The thing is, when I ask a question, please give me a clear, audible response. If a decision cannot be made at that time, then TELL ME that AND tell me to make all the decisions for the next 2 hours or whatever. I can’t hear over the goddamn muttering.

That’s fine. I can make decisions but next time, you had better fucking take over. I don’t live alone, I don’t have the luxury of thinking ONLY of myself, so fucking participate in the partnership and share the decision-making responsibilities, you know?

I’m super frustrated today. Another recent example: the Harvest Festival is this weekend. I was going to go this weekend. He was ok to go, but didn’t seem excited or anything. This morning, a friend texted to do something, so I asked if he wanted to go to the Festival with me or if I should go with my friend. He replied that he could go with me, but if I want to go with my friend, that’s ok too. Um, I just want to know if you WANT to go. If yes, then I will go with you. If no, then I will go with my friend. I know you COULD go. Jesus Christ. Don’t give me this indecisive, I could go either way bullshit. I hate that. And this is a frustration I have with friends too. When deciding what to do with them, I almost always give three choices. I fucking narrowed it down to three, now just decide from that shortlist, you know? Argh!! But no, people will just dilly dally around, pushing the decision back and forth, back and forth. Fucking drives me insane. It’s like, if you want me to decide, then YOU give me three options. It’s called balanced engagement and participation.

Yeah, clearly I am in a bad mood today. And oddly, this is the first time in probably a month even that I am cranky as hell. Stay away if you know what’s good for you.

Busy Weekend Ahead

Damn, another week down. Today was crazy. In the morning, I finally caved and booked our flights to the east coast for Christmas. Well, I tweaked the dates a little to get our rates down: I just couldn’t bring myself to drop nearly $800 for flights to Maryland. Damn holiday price hikes!

Then I was back at the former workplace for a lunchtime bike ride with my cattle drive buddy J followed by a quick meal. After that, got groceries at Trader Joe’s, picked up a special gourmet cake for my friend’s dinner tonight, then I hit Best Buy and Verizon. After I got home, I had another “work” call with the parentals. John and I then went to my friend I’s house for dinner, and now we are home. And technically, it’s after midnight, so this blog post is late. So sue me.

The Best Buy and Verizon pitstops were so frustrating. Distance-wise, the stores weren’t far, but for some reason, traffic just made getting there take forever. Also, John had said I was eligible for a phone upgrade, so before I left the house, I did all this research and found a BB offering a decent trade-in price with phones in stock. I got in line to evaluate my trade-in value, finally decided to take the plunge, and then when the rep pulled up my record, I wasn’t even eligible. Argh!!

I still had to swing by the Verizon store. John recently got the iPad Air, so it was all complicated. I had to switch plans on my account and then add the device. For some reason, the store was super busy this afternoon. I had to wait nearly 30 minutes to get serviced, and then of course, I scored an appointment with the new guy. He didn’t know how to do anything. One hour later, I finally arrived home and then John and I got into a discussion about how he’d already taken off so many days for vacation. He said he couldn’t be taking many more. Wtf.

According to him, 10 days/year is standard company policy and supposedly all his coworkers only do one big trip a year. Really? Kinda hard for me to believe when his peeps are from all over the world plus they are blowing tons on home renovations and Teslas and shit. Anyway, I was annoyed, because yeah, John works his ass off and yeah, we did travel to Wyoming in June and Italy in July. Each was one week. And now for the holidays, we’ll be in Maryland for a week. So fucking what? Given how many hours he puts in, this doesn’t seem excessive to me at all. If anything, these should be min paid time off. Whatever. So yeah, I was irritated, and then we had to go to a dinner party. The dinner party was really fun by the way. Another couple there actually lives in our neighborhood a few streets over. Super coincidental, right? Plus, the dude works for Google. I’m on it (maybe for ranch contacts).

In related news, the ranch has been texting me and emailing me various things to do. Apparently, there’s some RFP they want to apply for that’s due before Thanksgiving. I’ll be taking a look at that tomorrow. I’m in learning mode, so this’ll be good. But tonight I want to get some real rest. Time for Meditation Oasis deep rest. I need to conk out until morning. Ever since I returned from LGB, my skin has appeared weathered. My skin was so fucking awesome in So Cal. I dunno what the hell is up back home. Everything IRL just takes on an old, beaten down feel (even if my mind is alive and thriving). Sigh. Can’t get all the ducks lined up in a row!

Cutting it Close

Holy crap. I have a half hour to crank out this blog post. Shit, I dunno what happens to all the hours of my day, but it does seem that every night, I am sitting up in bed writing my day’s post for this goddamn NaBloPoMo. Ugh. And John. Dude keeps nagging me throughout the night… as if I’d forgotten what I’d signed myself up for. Jesus, back off already! I’m very good with meeting deadlines.

So anyhow, today was go go go. I was back at the ranch for another business meeting. I rode a new horse today: Princessa. She was little– short and very round. Very different from my usual horses. To be honest, I spent the whole time so focused on talking and discussing biz development, I wasn’t even paying attention to my riding. I probably rode her like a total newbie. For one thing, I kept letting her get too close to S’s horse and then when I wanted to steer her a certain way on the trail, she just ignored me and did what she wanted. Hmph! The meeting itself went really well. For some reason, S is super impressed with me. Well, I guess I did spend a lot of time on that second brain dump email. He said his biggest challenge now is convincing me to stay on beyond the new year and to really make this a full-time gig. Ah, how I dream about such an arrangement… we’ll see. I gotta get my butt in gear to start pitching and selling. Gotta make that magic happen.

After the ranch, I headed up to my bud M’s house. She’s moving tomorrow. I am always amazed by how methodically she does things. Holy shit, her house was still fucking spotless, and she’s moving tomorrow. All the packed boxes were neatly stacked and labeled. I am an unorganized slob. I need to get my shit together. I just hide everything away. No wonder I can’t find anything. Ugh, I need a damn system! Help!

Yeah, so I was out of the house all day. Then, when I got home, I had to do more tech support for dad, plus review some rental applications, plus update his lappie and phone. Fuck, every time I do an OS update, the PC has to restart but then that cuts off my connection and he’s left the room already. Long story short, I updated his iPhone out of order, and the whole thing got fucked. Then I had to restore it, and ugh, dad is so slow with inputting usernames and data. And then after he input his password, he couldn’t figure out how to advance to the next page. He said there was no return/enter button. Ugh, 15 minutes later, I was so exasperated that I told him to just go to his dental appointment tomorrow, and ask someone there to help him. Seriously. But like daughter, like father. Ten minutes later, I called about something else, and he finally found the next button in the upper right corner. OCD is genetic, I tell ya. Finally, all his shit is updated, and I am beat.

My friend pinned this sign on Pinterest lately that read “Everyday I’m hustling.” Indeed. 10 consecutive daily posts, baby!

Asking the Universe

Can I tell you? I feel so goddamn alive!! When people ask if I miss working at the agency, I just have to chuckle: not one frickin’ iota. Granted, it has been over two months. Sure, in the beginning, when the wounds were still kinda fresh, I did miss work. But not really the content of the work or even the workplace. No. I missed seeing my coworkers and friends on a daily basis. I’m somewhat a creature of habit, so I struggled a bit with not having a set schedule where I could go somewhere and be useful to others. Of course, I got over all of that pretty quickly, especially once the traveling started in September, and I began to spend time on things I wanted to do (rather than things I had to do).

Now we’re in mid-November, I am digging this autonomy. Shiit. I learn what I want to learn. I write, I play, I soak up some sun. I don’t have to fit my tasks into the standard 9-5 office workday. And man, I cannot even express how nice it is to not have to deal with office bullshit. You know what I mean. That alone has probably added years to my life. Seriously.

The most unexpected thing now is that I am really starting to believe. I know it sounds cheesy, but just as I kinda suspected early on, there is SOMETHING to this whole positive thinking, dream big philosophy. I think it was about a year ago when I first started entertaining the idea. John and I took a Mental Skills Training  Class at Stanford. The professor talked about his work with pro/collegiate athletes, pro musicians, high-level executives: sure, these people had to spend time practicing and developing their core technical skills or areas of expertise, but almost just as importantly, they had to mentally prepare via visualizations, meditation, and calming exercises. That was all part of their development and training, and the research showed that those practices aided in their success. Eh fine, but whatever, I didn’t see how that applied directly to my life. Then, a few months later, I took that Uncover Your Calling class, and we did a shitload of exercises on building self-awareness and on finding outlets for working through negative thoughts. Again, at the end of that 8-week program, I didn’t feel any closer to clarity in terms of realizing what I was “meant” to do or how I was going to flourish as an individual. But I kept going anyway. I enrolled in another class that then talked about Leaning In and identifying priorities to live a fulfilled life where values align with work and activities. After that 6-week course ended, I still felt unclear and somewhat lost. But I just kept going through the motions that my instructors/coaches recommended: meditation, journaling, visualizing, thinking differently (positively), info interviews, stepping beyond the comfort zone. Sure enough, nearly a year after all of this exploration first began, I now have a vision and dream for the future. It still doesn’t feel entirely doable, but I don’t care. I still keep it in my head and in my heart. And I don’t have the steps on getting there carved out either, but every day, I just try to move in that direction.

I have done over ten info interviews in the last few months, and I am still contacting people, still trying to learn more about possible jobs, sectors, and  industries. Anything and everything is fair game, so long as it piques my curiosity.

When we returned from Italy, I started meditating every morning. Tomorrow marks my 30th day of doing that. I still don’t necessarily feel like I’m doing it “right” (the facilitators claim there is no right or wrong), but there is SOMETHING about practicing every morning. I cannot calm or energize my mind on demand like I think the gurus can, but that I can achieve even some mental calm is a relief. I still don’t sleep uninterrupted through the night, but at least I’m only getting up 1-2 times instead of 3-4 times before. One day, I hope I will get to that point where I will sleep as if I’m on an airplane (or other moving vehicle).

My participation in NaBloPoMo, National Blog Posting Month, is continuing. I never feel like my blog posts are that great, but I try not to obsess (like I usually do) over the negative. Again, I just aim to spend a little time every day blogging (because I enjoy it) and hopefully, after NaBloPoMo, I’ll notice some improvement. Even small improvement will be acceptable. I’m hoping. I know, don’t I sound like a totally different person? Haha.

Outside of all this, you’ll be thrilled to know that I have my second business meeting at the ranch tomorrow. I am learning so much, taking that marketing class and thinking about how to grow a business and how to make it succeed. My brain is churning in overdrive these days, but rather than feeling fatigued, I feel so alive! My favorite Chinese idiom comes to mind often these days (spoken in my father’s voice, of course): “Move the brain.” I am happy learning and growing. I get into a zone nearly every day now when I’m planning and plotting and getting shit done. The financial details of this arrangement aren’t fleshed out now, but I’ll learn them as I continue down this path not fully knowing where it will lead. Admittedly, my old self would have stopped this shenanigan way early– without giving it any real considerationl. An unconventional employment opportunity where I work from home and it’s commission-based and I might not get benefits or a guaranteed salary?? Say what? Too risky, too shady, I’m out.

But now, I just focus on my interest, my curiosity, and my desire to learn more. I don’t have all the business development experience and knowledge, but I will figure it out. I am allowing myself to dream about living that unconventional life, and in doing so, I am asking the universe. And as corny as this sounds, in a bizarre way, I think the universe is answering.

IRL

A business contact at my former work used to always write “IRL” in his emails. It took me the longest time to figure out that IRL meant “in real life.” He used it in the context of the virtual world vs. the real world, but now I use it to differentiate my vacationing life vs. my regular life. For instance, I awoke super early this morning to catch a plane back to SFO. Goodbye Long Beach, fantasyland of 80+ degree weather, sunshine, palm trees, sandy beaches, blue skies, long walks and gansta bike rides, and entertaining gal time. Hello SF Bay Area. Back to living IRL, know what I’m saying?

Yeah, so my flight got in very early this morning. Because I like to pack a tight schedule, John’s friend’s wife P2, who happened to be in the Bay Area visiting from Annapolis, picked me up for a morning hike around Crystal Springs reservoir. I had forgotten how active this lady is. Shiit, I was thinking we’d go for 90 minutes tops. Nope, 3+ hours later, my FitBit was practically overheating from all the activity I’d done the last several days. Yup, 16k steps. After the hike, we went to Palo Alto for lunch and then stopped by my fav women’s center, Deborah’s Palm… By the time I got home, FitBit had clocked nearly 22k steps, or almost 10 miles. My feet are ridiculously blistery now. No more walking!! Ugh.

I can’t believe tomorrow is Wednesday. I haven’t sent my second email brain dump yet to S at the ranch. Gotta get on it and hopefully, I will be invited back for the second business meeting on Thursday. I may help my friend M with packing tomorrow. She’s moving house this weekend. Goodness, so much is going on with everyone these days. I’m pooped. Time for bed. Btw, this is my 8th consecutive post. NaBloPoMo is killing me. 22 more days to go. Yikes.
[FAG id=7399]

Product Pushing

My final day in LGB was another busy one. I actually did a lot of work while P studied. We had originally planned to go kayaking, but I dunno, P seemed pretty intense in her study zone, so I just stayed busy emailing my network contacts and in the afternoon, I drafted another brain dump email for the ranch. On Monday, S had emailed me some things to think about, but I had to organize my ideas. I’ll be back there on Thursday for our next business meeting on horseback. Yay.

After I made some progress on those items, I decided to go for a walk to pick up some items at the store. I ran into C & N just as they were getting home, and C wanted to join me. We ended up walking almost 5 miles (for two hours). It was a great workout, with views of the ocean on the right and very nice fancy houses on the left. And C and I had so much to talk about! I think for both of us, we are the cleaner ones in our relationships, so we shared our excitement about organizing and cleaning. Haha. I was pretty thrilled to find another soul who, like me, has trouble sitting still for movies at home. C also has to get up and buzz around during!! See?

When we returned from our walk, P and I went out again and walked along the water to catch the sunset. We kind of missed it (the sun sets so early now!), but the sky was still beautiful. On the way back, we swung by the Rite Aid, and I bought some hair color, inspired by her hair color (which C did for her on Saturday night). We got back, and she applied the chemicals while I tested her on her nursing school material. My hair came out nicely… pretty subtle, but a dark reddish tint. It’s good enough for me.

Interestingly, on my earlier trip to the drugstore with C, I picked up some generic Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. I had been scrubbing P’s tub and bathroom vanity for days, and I just couldn’t get them white, so I figured I would try the eraser. You see, months ago, John came home with the super sponges, and I was so blown away by their effectiveness. Seriously, because of Magic Eraser, I zoomed around the house cleaning doors, walls, cabinets, EVERYTHING. That shit got everything white. Well today, the eraser did NOT disappoint. In fact, P was screaming in disbelief, because she had tried everything: Scrubbing Bubbles, bleach, bathroom cleaner…

It’s pretty funny, because every time I see P, I introduce her to some new food or product. Before, it was Clear Care contact lens cleaner. Then it was the nasal saline rinse. Then a few visits ago, I turned her on to Italian nougat. Then Challah bread. This time, I discovered that tasty bottle of Trader Joe’s reserve pinot noir and that pistachio/chocolate/toffee I mentioned. But by far, the biggest winner was the magic eraser! Yup, gotta stay on top of that product research, I tell ya. New shit’s coming out all the damn time, and I’m always game for finding things to improve my life. That reminds me: Nathalie is always giving me the scoop on haircare new products. When I visited her, I tried her Alterna Smooth shampoo/conditioner and Organics Leave-In conditioner… that stuff made my hair uber soft and amazing. I will need to order on Amazon.