Every now and then, a brief out-of-town getaway seems good for John and me. Since this Thanksgiving was going to be quieter than our usual, I made sure to plan some other activities to get us out of house to reconnect and spend some quality time. On Friday, we did that Stanford hike followed by a stand-up comedy show in SJ. Today, we headed up north to the Vacaville Outlets and Sonoma for a quickie trip to wine country.

The trip kinda started off on a late start this morning though. Last night, I didn’t sleep well at all. I had some Thin Mint chocolatey drink at the improv club, so the caffeine from that kept me up until 3. Then, in the middle of the night, I kept hearing Remy shuffling around and letting out a whimper here and there. I repeatedly got in and out of bed to check on her. By morning she was still up for breakfast and a walk in the park, but she looked really uncomfortable. I figured that when we got back to town on Sunday, I would put down some more carpeting in the house, clip her nails, and check in with the vet to see what the options are for discomfort. Her walking is super labored now. This downward progression has seemed to be happening slowly over the last several weeks. I thought maybe the cold nights were making her very stiff, so I started putting her on a heating blanket. John and I decided to continue our trip, but in the late morning, the dog sitter called saying Remy had no strength in her legs. I explained that yeah she seemed weak the night before but when we woke up that morning, she walked to the park. Maybe she was tuckered out from the walk. The sitter called again tonight after dinner, and she seemed worried because she didn’t notice Remy to be drinking water. She had eaten her kibble though, and there were no accidents in the house. But she said Remy appeared alert and could hear and watch– she just couldn’t walk. I asked the sitter to check on Remy in the morning and also mix water in with her breakfast kibble. John and I head home tomorrow.

I’m feeling sad tonight, because this is how things go down, isn’t it? She’s almost 16 y/o. The body has started to go… this is something I have anticipated for a very long while, and yet, a part of me still feels incredulous. How did all those years pass so quickly? And shit, have I been in denial? What if Remy isn’t just uncomfortable but is actually in real pain… And I’ve just let this continue without having a more elaborate conversation with the vet? Maybe I have somehow become desensitized to her discomfort? John says that we should probably re-ask the vet for the joint meds– even if they are bad for her liver, because at the point that she can’t walk, what good is protecting the liver? I hope Remy will be better when we see her again tomorrow.