At the end of September, I visited my old bud N in Wilmington, NC. N and I have been friends since the 7th grade, so we go waaay back, kicking it old school. Both of us went to college in NC, but I hadn’t been to her coastal college town in well over ten years. After her father passed away several years ago, her mom sold the house in MD and also moved south, about 20 minutes away from N.
Certainly, N and I have had our struggles in the 23 years of our friendship, but I have to say, this trip was so good for both of us. For the first time in probably a decade, she seemed happy, and wow, I could see just how much her life and attitude have changed after losing over 100 lbs. I’ve never really struggled with weight issues, but I imagine the paralysis she experienced before was similar to what I had felt when I had severe, disfiguring cystic acne: I never wanted to leave the house; I felt so ugly and undeserving of love and attention. When my skin cleared in my 30s, I felt so liberated: I wanted to try and do everything! N wanted to dress up; she wanted to go out; she wanted to live the life she had always wanted to live. I feel so happy seeing her like this: energetic, curious, optimistic, and open. It’s hard not to be in awe. John kinda explained it like this: so many times, we are told that people don’t change. We can spend our whole damn lives wishing and wanting those we love to improve their situations and circumstances. It is true– they have to be ready for the change, but goddamn, just when you’re ready to give up, to just let them be, to begrudgingly accept the choices they have made for themselves, they really can surprise you and blow your fucking socks off. I have witnessed so many examples of people pulling through for themselves. The human will is so amazingly resilient and fierce!! My friend M. Her mother smoked like two packs a day for decades. Then, she quit one day. Cold turkey. Just decided it was time. Another friend: she was severely depressed. For months, she couldn’t get out of bed. Then one day, she decided to get up and go outside. Maybe the transformation isn’t as black/white as I describe: maybe behind the scenes, there is a slow and gradual progression, but geez, you just never really know when that one nugget will motivate someone to take the reins and change his/her life for the better. I feel freshly inspired by the incredible strength of people I know.
In other respects, this trip to coastal Carolina was just so nice. We met up with some old acquaintances, visited our old stomping grounds (Bald Head Island), and I met some new faces. A few observations: I have to say, the contrast of being outside of the Silicon Valley bubble is quite noticeable. That flight from Atlanta to Wilmington? It had like no minorities on it. Interestingly, when I got off the plane and waited for N at the airport curbside, a redheaded cub came up to me and said, “Excuse me, but has anyone ever told you how pretty you are?” I know, wth right?? Totally unaccustomed to this kind of attention, I froze and was immediately unable to make eye contact. “Ummmm, uh no, but thank you. That’s very kind of you to say.” Jesus Christ, am I a robot or what? I mean, given the way I responded, you would have NO IDEA that his compliment made my day. 🙂 Although, I’m pretty convinced he was just drawn to me, because I had my “exotic” Asian thing going. Haha. Oh well, I’ll take what I can get!
Omg, my trip also reiterated how undeniably, I really am my father’s daughter. When my parents visited J and me in September, dad fixed everything possible in the house: the air conditioning insert, shelving, yard stuff, etc. Turns out, I had the same compulsions at N’s house. I fixed her broken shower head; I updated her computer and installed new software; I set up a wifi network; I re-mounted the broken alarm transmitter… what can I say, I like to be useful and get shit done. Shrug.
Other than all the running around and going out, we also spent a good bit of time just catching up. I gleaned some interesting veterinary scoop from N: how to express anal sacs, the location of feline gonads, the affinity some doggies have for pacifier nipples, the process of euthanasia. Yeah, I keep telling myself, I’ll be ready when it’s R&M’s time to go, but shiiit, listening to the wind down process? I’m going to lose my shit. For realz. It just is what it is. Why can’t my puppies live forever. Why??
What else. Oh, N is buds with a bluegrass band in Wilmington. They weren’t playing the week I was in town, so the bassist invited a few of us to his house for their practice session. I haven’t listened much to bluegrass, but it’s a happy style of music, which can be a pleasant change from my usual depressing, melancholic alternative tunes. The musicians play mandolin, banjo, guitar, and bass. I chatted up the banjo player afterwards and peppered him with questions about his finger picks. He probably thought I was weird. Check out their band: Massive Grass. A nice group of guys.
[FAG id=7395]