I was so annoyed the other day. My father called in the evening sounding all pathetic. Our usual weekly Friday/Saturday night call slot came and went and he hadn’t heard from me. Part of the reason is that I don’t call them while they are in Taiwan, bc I can never reach them. The other piece is that I’ve been working my ass off.
So anyway, his tone was all weak and tired and neglected. How are you? How is your body? Are you doing ok? I mean, I dunno what he wants me to say. I’m perpetually sleep-deprived and stressed. Then he’s asking me all these questions. Is it bc John is away? Is it stress? I mean, it’s everything: I’m building my business, I am a chronic worrier, I’m an insomniac, I feel overwhelmed about all the eldercare shit that is coming down the pipeline… It’s not something I’m wanting to troubleshoot or discuss.
And then it was the same old shit with them. Mom is continuing her hyperbaric oxygen treatments. When I spoke with her earlier this month, she sounded hopeful. Now dad says she wants to stop the treatments, but since they already pre-paid 30 treatments, she’s going to just finish. Dad doesn’t think it’s working. I mean, my dad has never been a positive person, so that’s no big surprise. But how could her stance on it shift so dramatically? Maybe when I spoke with her before, she was optimistic bc she had just started? I dunno. I just get irritated by them having too much shit up in the air. I mean: still no progress on timeline and the house and whatever. And now that they are reunited in Taiwan, are they still doing things and socializing? You know, keep alert and engaged? Probably not.
Then every damn time I’m on the phone with dad, he keeps telling me I don’t need to work so hard, bc it’s not like I need the money. He reminds me that my situation is different from his when he came to the USA as an immigrant with a young family. Yeah, I get it. You ate tons of bitter. You made sacrifices. Hearing that shit just gets me more pissed off. I mean, my entire fucking life, all he ever does is compare me to his friends’ kids, rattling off all their academic and professional accomplishments. Now, I’m busting ass trying to succeed in real estate and he tells me it’s unnecessary. You can’t fucking have it both ways. I don’t say anything back to him bc I assume his intentions are good, but it’s just a little too fucking late. Needless to say, that call put me in the shittiest mood afterwards, bc it’s just so much goddamn baggage.
The next day, I complained about it to Bubs who is back East. He says I can’t expect them to be different people than who they are in terms of socializing and being active. Fine. True. But all this concern about health and not overworking is a total 180 from all the stuff that was emphasized before so actually, he IS a different person. And I just don’t know how to interact with this altered version.
Then this morning Dad called asking me what we wanted to do in Taiwan, where we wanted to travel. I mean, I don’t want to sound bitchy, but I’ve done Taiwan a gabillion times now. It will never be a fun place for me bc there is too much family drama there. Yes, that’s my own hangup, but if it weren’t for my grandparents being there, I would never go there year after year. So this is what I mean: my dad wants to do fun things and interact with me on a non-work, fun and friendly level and I just don’t know how to do this really. It’s a bizarre thing. It’s almost like I am comfortable with the distant, more-business like relationship, the list of to-dos. I know, probably more shit I have to work on…
I did tell him John wanted to check out some leather and stationery shops in Taipei, so dad said sure, you’re welcome to stay at our home in Taipei. Yup, the one where Johnny lives. I said we’ll just get a hotel. Then he got all upset: why? I mean, do I really have to explain why? My brother lives there. I’m not going to go stay with someone I dislike just to save $60… Yeah, so that was a great call with dad. Ugh.